(OT) feel bad for nephew - vent

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raingirl28's picture
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(OT) feel bad for nephew - vent

As I've posted before, DH's brother, his fiance, and their 2 yr old are staying with us until they find a place to live in Ontario (as are DH's parents so it's a full house here).

The nephew turns 2 in a month and he's at the phase where he's super inquisitive and wants to touch everything. And yes, kids that age make messes.

I hate that everyone except DH and I are constantly telling him NO to everything. Instead of paying attention to him and sitting down with him and explaining to him why he can't do something, they just slap his hand and force him not to do whatever they didn't want him to do.

And most of the things he does aren't bad!! Kids touch things, they make messes! Deal with it. The funny thing is if I say no, he doesn't freak out and have a tantrum. He gets it/he gets me. But if BIL or parents say anything, he freaks out.

I can tell he wants to learn to do things, learn about things. But they don't let him help at all with anything. They don't read to him, they don't sit down with him to do anything creative. They just plop him in front of the TV whenever he's awake.

For instance, I was cleaning this morning and he got a hold of the dustpan and brush and I was showing him how to sweep. Then his mom comes in and takes it away from him and he has a tantrum!

Sorry...it's just frustrating. I know I shouldn't complain about parenting styles but it just makes me sad because he's bright and wants to do so much! I mean, future SIL has never been to a big city ever, and never taken a bus before and she absolutely refuses to, which means she won't take him to places like a library or park or anything unless BIL is home to drive them. We live in the GTA (greater Toronto area) and there are so many early childhood resources around us that she could take him to for socialization, etc.

Grrr!!!

raingirl28's picture
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Oh goodness. Just now she walks into the living room. She was like where is he? Neither MIL or I knew as I was cooking and she was outside for a smoke. She thought we were looking after him, but nope! Turns out he was upstairs with their dog (chihuahua - who also happened to poop on my bedroom floor!) and making a huge mess!!

DH promised them being here wouldn't be stressful but I'm having a hard time dealing with it right now. I want them to be gone....

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aaaahhhh! i feel bad for him too. yes i certainly do. Its your house, i'd step on their toes and say "excuse me, we were learning how to sweep" and take the dustpan back! we all have moments where we want to plop the kid in front of the TV and zone out, but it shouldnt be your whole life!

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That would be frustrating to watch! People have different parenting styles, sure, and parenting a toddler/two year old has its own set of challenges and frustrations, but it does sound like he could use some more direct interaction.

Any way you could take him for a couple hours once a week and go do something more stimulating with him? Take him to the library, take him on a walk to a playground, etc? Special auntie/nephew time, you know?

raingirl28's picture
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Gah...this saga never ends. He was putting his fingers in the sockets yesterday!! I called in sick because I felt like I was dying and I just sat down to have some lunch and she was totally ignoring him! I'm friggin sick, I don't want to deal with your 2 yr old!!

I've told DH I can't take much more of this. They were supposed to find somewhere to live by October 1 but they haven't found enough work to save up first/last for a rental yet. It's stressing me out majorly as I feel like a guest in my own friggin house! I can't rest, relax, do my laundry, cook, clean, or anything because people are always in the way!! Then you add the stress of a 2 year old that isn't yours basically ruining your house!! I found him colouring on my antique drop leg table last night, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS PARENTS!! They totally were ignoring him!! Not to mention that my MIL said yesterday he crawled up on the TV table and was trying to pull himself up on our 42inch LCD TV. It currently is not mounted with any safety cables or anything and that thing is HEAVY!! Aside from him probably seriously hurting himself if he did knock it over, they don't have any $$ to replace it and it's the only TV we own (and with baby coming we don't have $$ to replace it either!). According to MIL, SIL was just sitting on the couch looking at her phone just telling nephew to stop over and over but he kept going until MIL intervened.

I'm so stressed. I'm trying to relax but how can I? I'm at work and all I'm thinking about are the things nephew is ruining at home.

(Then you add their chihuahua who is peeing/pooping in our bedroom each day while we are gone to work, but we can't leave it closed as our elderly bulldog likes to sleep up there)

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Yeah I'd sit hubby down and tell him either they go or I do, and perhaps a call to cps...

raingirl28's picture
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Well, last night things came to a head....looks like BIL and his fiance/child will be moving back to New Brunswick! She apparently hates it here and hates us (apparently we offended her by offering her our house, our basement, free food, TV, internet, etc) and told BIL that she's going back with or without him.

I guess things could always change again as they tend to do with DH's family, but as of right now they are leaving for NB next Thursday night before the long weekend.

Well, one less stress in my life. Maybe they will leave earlier now that they have no intention of staying!!

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*lurker

You know, I would feel terrible on their 2 yr old! It's not his fault that he's 'ruining' your house if they're not giving him any kind of boundaries. Honestly, I wouldn't want them to go after witnessing that. I would want that child around so I could keep an eye on him.

Sorry you had to deal with that though.

How's the pregnancy going??

xx

raingirl28's picture
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No problem lurking!

It is sad that we can't be around more and help, but BIL and his GF tend to get pretty offended if anyone makes ANY kind of attempt to parent their child or even makes suggestions on how to fix things. We can't take him places without them in tow. BIL needs to buck up though and figure out what he wants to do (stay here and work and send her $ back home or move back with her where there are no jobs). I mean, I get where she's coming from. Toronto is the largest city in Canada and it's the first time she's left her tiny town of 500 people. She has never driven before, never taken a bus, never been to a public library/pool/community centre/etc. She has no family here except my DHs/BILs. She's also very young and very naive (only 20 yrs old). She thinks she can live here and be a stay at home mom with only BIL working, but that's almost impossible in this area with high rent costs. They will be lucky to find a 1 bedroom apartment for $1000 a month which means they either live with his parents (which originally was the plan but I don't think she will do that now) or she has to work. She's never had a job in her life, and she refuses to take a bus which means she's screwed!! She needs to wake up to reality!!

As for me, pregnancy is going great. The usual aches/pains and all. Picked up another horrid cold a few days ago which sucks, but I'm surviving. I'm just stressed about all the house stuff and the fact that I haven't really done anything at all. We have a 3 bedroom house and right now DH's parents are in the room that is supposed to be the babies room. And because we have been supporting the in-laws for 3 months now (4 extra adults, the 2 yr old, and 2 extra dogs to buy food for among other things), we haven't been able to save or buy anything yet. I literally have 2 onsies, a diaper pail, and 12 cloth diapers I sewed on my own. THAT'S IT! I'm seriously stressing about it....

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Don't worry about not having enough stuff for when the baby comes... it accumulates quickly. Are you having a baby shower? I received so much stuff at mine. Also check out Once Upon a Child for cloth diapers and VV for good used baby clothes. Most babies grow so quickly that there are clothes with tags still on them... Superstore is supposed to have good prices on baby stuff as well. If you want I can check with my friend in Brampton if she is getting rid of her baby stuff, she did not cloth diaper but she would have other stuff - swing etc