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  1. #1
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Default OT - house guests

    Just another rant a bit, but also maybe advice?

    As you know we have house guests (DH's family) that REALLY need to move out. They had found a place they really liked for Nov 1 but weren't able to get the documents on time to apply and it was taken. They didn't really look for anywhere else though. They found another place over the weekend in the same building but it's not for rental until January 1. I immediately told DH (in private) that we cannot wait until then, not an option. It needs to be asap that they find a place.

    So I looked online and came up with a list of about 20 places that looked good that were available either immediately or Dec 1. (Part of the problem is DH's family isn't familiar with looking for a rental online, which is where most are posted these days, and they aren't familiar with the city we live in but I've been here 10+ years). I sent it to DH who forwarded it to his mom. Most of the places were 3 bedroom but I put a few 2 bedroom on there just in case they were worth looking at (and the 2 yr old can stay with his parents if need be for a while).

    Well, this was yesterday. I then went for a walk to the store alone to get some things. When I came back, everyone was gone but DH and he was in tears (my DH is VERY sensitive). Turns out his father said some pretty nasty things about me and made DH feel really bad. Basically, he told DH in a very passive aggressive way that it was obvious that I did not want them there and it was ok, they would go live in a motel or be homeless until they found a place.

    Can you believe his father said that to him?? They have basically made DH choose between them or me!! They do not understand at all that they have overstayed their welcome and that they need to get out so DH and I can have some privacy alone as a couple for a few months before baby gets here.

    It, however, did give me a chance to get some info out of DH and I do now see how much stress them being there is causing him and he also agrees that they need to leave. DH had 2 migraines this past week as well as a dizzy spell on Sunday and I think it's all stress related to his family. He agrees. He feels stuck though, he doesn't want to offend them either but he wants them out too.

    How does DH explain to them nicely that they need to move into their own place as soon as possible but making them understand that we aren't kicking them out? I mean, if I wasn't pregnant we could wait until Jan 1. But WE NEED ALONE TIME before baby gets here. WE NEED our house back. WE NEED to prepare!! WE NEED people to stop yelling and screaming and touching our things!
    Last edited by raingirl28; 11-04-2013 at 02:10 PM.
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


  2. #2
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Sorry that you in-laws are giving you such a rough time. You are right that they are being very passive-aggressive with how they are treating your DH. Don't let them put you on a guilt trip. This last bit of time alone is important for you to connect and rest because very soon you will have a very demanding baby to care for. You have been more then patient. *hugs*
    raingirl28 likes this.
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  3. #3
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Thanks. DH still hasn't talked to his dad and I can see it's stressing him out. He really doesn't know what to say I think. I mean, his dad has lived with us since JULY! I just hate seeing him put in this position because it's not fair to him.
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


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    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Dealing with in-laws is hard. Right now I have my MIL telling Sean that if he is still married to me when she dies that he will get nothing from the estate (the only things we want is Sean's baby pictures and stuff that was his dad's, she can stuff her money). She has also offered to pay for him to divorce me... so it could be worse. But I totally understand how difficult it is for your husband being forced to choose. Hope everything works out ok.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

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    Posting Addict ChristaM's Avatar
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    LURKING:

    HUGS!

    Maybe you and DH could sit down with his Dad together and tell him that you love him, but that this isn't a healthy environment for any of you. Express that you need to start preparing for the new baby and that you need to physically take care of yourself. I would try to not state things about "attempted ground rules", "time frames", etc. as that would just give an opening for him to think it's open for discussion. However, you might want to just be honest that your biggest issue is with the GF, BIL, and child.

    Good luck!
    Me: Christa, 41
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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    followed you here from ATB...



    I just wanted to point out that they will NOT be homeless unless they CHOOSE to be. You've given them leads on 20 apartments. They've had plenty of time to collect paperwork, get their IDs sorted out, and save up deposit money. They have no excuse except that they're moochers. And your DH does NOT have to choose between them or you. He chooses both of you, just living in separate places. Two key things you had wrong. You sound the only one in the house with your head on straight, so don't let this negative language get to you because you ARE right. Good luck!
    raingirl28, mom2robbie and Danifo like this.
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    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for the support and putting up with my venting! It's been a hard few months. Every day/week that goes by I know baby is coming closer and it scares me not being prepared. DH has at least asked me to relax until after the baby shower to see what we get gift wise there. Technically we can't get anything until I get my bonus Dec 23 anyway (yay! after christmas sales and mayham!) but still....

    Working from home today, hoping the nephew is quiet at least a little and doesn't stress me out too much! Then tonight DH is going to talk to his family....
    Spacers likes this.
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Good luck to him, I'll keep some good "man up" thoughts for him!
    The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!

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    *lurk*

    You have last a lot longer with your inlaws than I would have, and you are probably being a lot nicer than I was when I had to kick out my brother and then my BIL. Some people don't understand. If you had a twenty room mansion and five bathrooms, living with inlaws would still be hard.





  10. #10
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Ug.... they are applying for an apartment they like that's for January 1. If they get it then...I don't know what I will do. DH doesn't get it. He thought I would be happy they found a place they like! But he doesn't understand the timing at all. He doesn't understand the urgency of baby coming at all!!

    I'm crushed. I'm so depressed I can't stop crying. This whole pregnancy has been ruined for me it feels like because we haven't had any privacy or alone time in 6 months! I'm full term January 2!! I CANNOT have them here that long. I do not want them there during Christmas!! I'm finding this whole situation very psychologically traumatic. I'm never going to be able to look back at my memories of this pregnancy with joy....only sadness, depression, and anger.

    ***

    DH just called me that he's in the ER. He has his third migraine in 7 days and he said it felt different than normal. I think the stress is affecting him more than he wants to admit. I hope he's ok and it's nothing worse than a migraine.
    Last edited by raingirl28; 11-06-2013 at 10:22 AM.
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


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