Question (OT) about moving/jobs
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  1. #1
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Default Question (OT) about moving/jobs

    This isn't for me but related to a post I did last month or earlier....

    DH's brother wants to move up near us, because DH's parents and sister just did and now he is alone 1600km away. He (stupidly) quit his job without planning ahead. Now he is out of work as of next week, no other jobs where he lives and he has no savings at all. He has a girlfriend and 1.5 yr old son. She does not work either.

    DH's parents are begging us to have them stay here. DH's parents are already staying here (much to my disagreement and stress because I really don't like other people in my personal space). I have flat out said no to his brother, GF, and kid coming here as well. We are already supporting his parents until they find jobs, save up, and find a place of their own which probably won't be until October 1. I'm really struggling with the stress of this all and having panic attacks almost daily. Adding two more adults plus a child (and 2 more dogs) is just too much. Plus, if you remember my other post, I think I mentioned that I don't like his brother because he abuses animals and I just don't trust him around my dog.

    So, aside from all that, what other options could you suggest for his brother? There are no jobs where he is in the small town in New Brunswick where he lives. He was only working part time at a grocery store as it is, and they already hired his replacement. He wants to move up here and work, but he has no high school education so I really think him finding a job up here will also be hard even though we are in the greater Toronto area. There are no other family he can stay with and because he has no money and no savings he can't rent a place up here, nor can he wait for DH's parents to find a place and stay with them. We don't have any money to lend him, not with me going on mat leave. And lending it would be a bad idea as he would never pay it back.

    The only thing I can think of is that he needs to find a job down there, even if it means a long drive to the next town to do so, and then he needs to save up so he can move up here and find a rental right away. But he is impatient and wants to move up here now (as in next week).

    DH is stressed about it, and everyone is whispering in my house which means they are all for it and I'm the one that DH is trying to convince to say yes to him coming here. But I won't back down. I do not want him in my house, no way. It's no one's fault but his own that he quit, now he needs to fix that and his family needs to stop coddling him (imho).
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


  2. #2
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    If I remember correctly you have a fairly small townhouse. Adding 3 more people to the mix would be crazy, especially while pregnant.

    It is my feeling if your BIL was no job and income then he needs to change that himself. He is an adult and needs to learn that he needs to be responsible for himself and his child. If they wind up on welfare then that is something they have to deal with.

    I would not want them at my place either and we have 2 empty bedrooms.
    Margaret (44)
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    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

  3. #3
    Posting Addict indianajones's Avatar
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    Yeah I'd go nuts with all the extra people living there, especially if you anticipate that they won't support themselves/chip in but will expect you to have dinner on the table, pay all the bills, clean up after them, etc.

    I don't know anything about the job market in Canada, but maybe a job search site like monster? Word of mouth? I applied for jobs online for 5 months before I got my first interview, and 9 months before I got hired where I am now. (I just went to that business' website to look at the jobs they had posted.)

    I also had my ideal job in mind, but was willing to take whatever I could get in the meantime. I ended up washing dishes and serving food at a convent for minimum wage a few evenings a week while I was continuing to apply for other jobs. (I think it looked better on my resume that I was at least employed..)

    5.09, 8.09


  4. #4
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    I agree he needs to fix this mess himself. They aren't paying rent right now because they are living with her father. If he doesn't find a job though he will lose his car which means it would be impossible to work (no such thing as transit or taxis there). The job market on the east coast is horrific. The fishing industry is hitting hard times as it is, and most fishermen claim welfare in the off months. There are few businesses and almost no places to work. The only way to barely get by there is be self employed. The town BIL is in has about 500 people. One coffee shop, one grocery store, a gas station, and one restaurant. Definitely not enough places of work for 500 people. Some work in local canneries or help with fishing. Some have businesses out of their home like hair dressing or barbers. Unfortunately welfare is too common, gambling and addiction are rampant, and its overall a bad situation. Which sucks because its so beautiful and I would love to live there If only there were jobs. There are two bigger towns, one 45 min away and one 1 hr away. Walmarts in both and both are hiring but the amount you would pay for gas for minimum wage to travel that far is not worth it. Most of the able men from the towns go out and work in Alberta I'm the oil projects and fly home every 6 months for a month vacation. But BIL has issues with his GF. She refuses to let him go anywhere for work without her. But that's his problem...
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


  5. #5
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raingirl28 View Post
    . Most of the able men from the towns go out and work in Alberta I'm the oil projects and fly home every 6 months for a month vacation. But BIL has issues with his GF. She refuses to let him go anywhere for work without her. But that's his problem...
    Ya, there are a lot of people from the Maritimes and Newfoundland out here working on the oil sands. I was worried with DH's education he would have to go up north at least occasionally but he does not have to leave Edmonton for his job. He does support the oil industry.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

  6. #6
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    i have a shovel. i can help you dispose of the bodies.

    take it from someone who has a mother in law, brother in law, and MIL's dog in her house.... F*CK NO is the answer! helping family is NOT letting them freeload off of you!
    ~Jenni~
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