I need your advice..Please!

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Joined: 12/17/07
Posts: 11
I need your advice..Please!

Okay, so I am still in college right now, and I have two semesters left after this one, and then one semester of student teaching. My plan was to get pregnant while student teaching, take a semester off, then start teaching in the fall.

However, DH is pressing really hard for me to get pregnant...NOW! His mindset is that if we wait till I am finished with school, Evyn will be 4 1/2 and he will be 33. He doesn't want to wait any longer, but I want to finish school first. It has been the main conversation in our house lately, where he wants me to get pregnant, take a semester off of school, then go back after the baby is born.

So my question to you is, what would you do? I really didn't want my kids to be that far apart in age, and if I get pregnant now, they would only be 3 1/2 years apart. It would push my graduation date back at least one more semester, that is if I have the energy to go back at all.

On the other hand, I think it wouldn't be that big of a deal for them to be 4 1/2-5 years apart, and I would have my degree and we would be more financially stable (with me having an income).
I really need some advice, because DH gets so upset when he thinks that we won't have another one for almost two years.

AmyJo86268's picture
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1406

honestly. . .if I took time away from college I would have a hard time ever finishing. That's just me. Once I was done I was done. If I were that close to the finish line, I would hang in there and just finish it.

The other thing to consider is, what led Evyn to being premature. . .could that happen a second time?

You have to make the decision that is right for you, and I'm not walking in your shoes. I can see how it would be better to try to have the children close together in age, but sometimes, due to circumstances out of your control that doesn't happen and I know lots of happy families with a big age separation.

MrsRiggert's picture
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195

Would you be taking summer classes or just fall and spring semesters? I ask because if you are able to time it right, (get pregnant in August) then you can have the baby after classes are over and be home all summer before student teaching. This wouldn't make you stop classes and after student teaching you would be able to spend a semester home with the kids.

I do know that DH had a REALLY hard time going to school with a then 1 1/2 year old and an infant in the house and he wasn't the "primary caretaker" at the time. No matter what you decide I would highly suggest that you stay in school and get finished instead of stopping and trying to start back up. I don't think there is anything wrong with having kids 4 1/2 years apart! At that time Evyn will be SUCH a big help AND almost ready for school, so mature!

larsnamber's picture
Joined: 08/07/07
Posts: 1368

I agree with everyone else. I took a break from college after DH and I got married. The plan was to eventually go back. Well here I am 9-10 years later and still don't have a college degree. If you are that close, I would really consider finishing before having a baby.

Joined: 12/25/07
Posts: 190

I would definitely finish classes and student teaching. THose first trimesters can be unpredictable - some can be a breeze or you could be sick/miserable and student teaching can be demanding. It's like a full-time job.

Joined: 11/01/07
Posts: 650

Finish school! I am only 6.5 weeks pregnancy and working full time and taking care of a toddler is exhausting. I could never go to school feeling like this!

Joined: 12/17/07
Posts: 11

Well, Evyn was born premature due to preeclamsia. My chances of getting this again and having another preemie is very high. Which is another reason why I want to wait.

And Meghan, My next two semesters are methods classes, which they won't offer in the summer since I have to be in the classroom a couple days a week to teach lessons.

In my mind, I know I should wait. Because I know how hard it is now with an almost 3 year old, I can only imagine how hard it would be with two. But DH is relentless, and I know how bad he wants another one now. Actually he wanted another one a year ago, and I talked him out of it, but its getting harder to explain to him how bad I want to finish school. He thinks that I will be able to pick up right where I left off with no problems concentrating on school work or getting other things done around the house. Hopefully I can get him to agree with me SOON! It's so hard to discuss this all the time and concentrate on school work without getting stressed.

Thanks for all your advice ladies. I really apppreciate it!

Joined: 04/14/07
Posts: 238

I'm in the same boat as everyone else. DH is in school right now and it is so for us...not just financially but because it requires more than a full time job's hours. He's at school all day and then studies every night & weekends...it's hard on me & him.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

I say follow your heart. I think you know the answer that would work best for both of you. I was basically like a single parent with my oldest kids, but working almost full time (35 hrs/wk) and going to school full time, having all three kids while in college. It's really hard work, but it can be done if you have the right support system. That said and the knowledge that you may have pre-eclamsia again, the time line of when you want everything may be altered. But again, depending on the situation, the college can be pretty accommodating as well - at least they were for me. Follow your gut instinct.

JackDogg's picture
Joined: 01/26/03
Posts: 272

My opinion is that I would not want to take a semester off so close to student teaching. I did have Jenna while I was in school, but I got lucky in that she was born over the summer, so I just didn't take summer classes. Then, when I did go back, I just took 2 online gen ed classes per semester for the next 2 semesters. You don't really have that luxury when you're nearing the end of a teaching degree. I will be student teaching next spring, and I could not imagine trying to throw a pregnancy/newborn into the mix right now!

That being said, I can totally understand wanting your children to be close in age. My kids are almost 5 years apart, and while they do play together fine, and it made the second pregnancy a lot easier, I do feel sometimes that I wish they had playmates closer to their own ages. What it all comes down to is deciding what you think would be best for you and your family - for your kids to be closer in age, or for you to definitely get your degree? My personal choice would be to wait another year and finish your degree first, but only you can really answer that for yourself.

Good luck!