Please Help...I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

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MrsRiggert's picture
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195
Please Help...I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

It's the potty training thing...again.

Ok, at home Lexi goes potty in the toilet aboAut 90% of the time as long as she's in panties. We haven't had many successful poops in the toilet yet but it's getting better. DAYCARE is another story. She absolutly REFUSES to go in the toilet at Amy's house. She won't potty, she won't poop, she WILL NOT sit on the toilet. OR if she does it'll be one REALLY good day out of 20 days.

So last night Amy said, bring her in shorts. No pull-up, no panties, JUST shorts. Well I guess this morning Lexi stood in front of Amy and peed right there. Then Amy changed her and she pooped within a half hour. SO now she's back in pull-ups at Amy's house which I KNOW isn't going to work because she LIKES pull ups...she can pee/poop in them without getting her clothes wet. SHE DOESN'T CARE!

Amy wants me to pack up all the panties and buy Lexi diapers and make her EARN the right to wear panties. I don't really agree with that but I have NO other ideas. Is it time to call a child psychologist? I don't know what to do anymore! I honestly feel like I've failed my child...like I've done something wrong. Probably sounds stupid but I'm having a really hard time with this.

OH and Lexi is supposed to start Sunday School this coming Sunday and she has to wear her panties (which I don't think will be an issue because she ALWAYS wears panties to church and dance and things like that)

Joined: 12/25/07
Posts: 190

Even in pull-ups, how often is the daycare provider taking her to the potty?

MrsRiggert's picture
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195

She doesn't! She asks if she has to go and Lexi always says no so then she doesn't take her.

JackDogg's picture
Joined: 01/26/03
Posts: 272

I don't think it sounds like it's a good idea to put her back in diapers, because it sounds like she wouldn't care enough to earn the panties? Plus, I don't agree with mixing punishment and potty training, and that sounds a little punishmenty to me. If I were you, I would keep sending her in panties and ask Amy to just put her on the potty regularly, without even asking. Once she does well with that, I would just slowly put her on the potty less, until it gets to the point that Lexi is asking her to go potty. That is what I did with Jenna that finally worked. Good luck! I hate this potty training mess!

Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 38

Since I had my share of potty issues with Eric and his poopies, I may not be the best possible source..although we are getting through it with Eric (he needs to be on Miralax so that he is not constipated and able to push things out on the toilet)...but back to you:

At preschool, they take the kids every 30-45 minutes regardless if they ask to go or not. They all go and that is it. And when they do that, we have no accidents (since my boys are still not as comfortable talking to the teachers in English). So I would think that the daycare lady should do that too for Lexi: take her no matter what every so often (30-45 minutes?).

I also started, as a last resort, to give the boys M&Ms to going on the toilet. 1 per pee-pee and 2 for poo-poo. It worked, even though they are not into sweets so much. It's helped a lot to motivate Eric to poopoo there, instead of his undies.

My personal opinion is not to go back to pull-ups and/or diapers. I think that it's confusing for the kids. Keep her in the panties and make daycare teacher take her often..often....

Best of luck! You know she'll be potty trained by college for sure, right?! Hugs to you...

Joined: 12/25/07
Posts: 190

She needs to keep her in panties and take her to the potty - Savannah has been trained for well over a year and I still don't rely on her just going or giving me a "yes" when I ask her if she has to go. Leave it to her and she'll so "no" and pee on herself if she's playing and doesnt' want to stop. Training is repetition, pain in the butt, but repetition. Once you know their schedule, you still need to be initiating potty time.

zobi's picture
Joined: 12/24/07
Posts: 607

I also agree that she should be perservering with it!!!....

Ive been lucky with my 2 toilet train kids that they picked it up straight away and have never really had any problems...not even a wet bed over night...(like I said VERY lucky)
Liams been trained for over a year now and we never have to ask or tell him to go, unless we are going to be in the car for a while, then we tell him...But he just takes himself...

Altho Ive never been a believer in sweets for bribes...BUT I did when it came to Liam...It was his soft spot and it worked...I didnt use much only a very little bit of chocolate, but for a kid who doesnt get sweets a little bit is a lot!!!
once he had the pee pee sorted I moved onto the poop with the bribe...once he had them sorted I used the chocolate for the end of the day treat IF he went the whole day with no accidents (well naughty accidents IYKWIM some times they just cant run fast enough to the loo)

Find her weakness and use it...Thats all I can think of...If theres something she likes, whether it food/sweets or toy, dont give it to her if she doesnt use the toilet...AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! She is old enough to know consequences and old enough to know when she needs to got toilet...

Hope you find something that works!!! KUP

MrsRiggert's picture
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195

See we did candy for awhile but then it turned into "I'll ONLY go potty if you give me candy" it was a HUGE power struggle.

Like I said, at home we have very few problems except pooping which I think I"m going to get her some tic-tacs and use that to get her pooping. Maybe Amy will do tic-tacs too to get her going at her house.

I just have a VERY stubborn daughter! The scary thing is, soon I'm going to have to start PTing Zayne and I would really like Lexi to be done first :eek:

onelittlemonkey's picture
Joined: 05/01/10
Posts: 35

It sounds like the biggest issue is that daycare is relying on Lexi to decide. In my opinion, daycare should be taking her every 30 minutes or so regardless of whether she says she has to go or not. I've never been a big fan of pull-ups - to me they're just like diapers. We did use them in the very beginning for trips away from home and overnight, but other than that I would keep Lexi in panties. I definitely wouldn't put her back in diapers. Good luck!

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

The only thing that worked for Journi to stop pooping in her pants was to remove her pants altogether and wear only a dress or skirt. She refused to poop on the floor. I had her do this for 3 days straight before she earned the panties back. When I knew she purposely went to the bathroom in her pants, I did tell her that if she continued she would be wearing diapers because that's big girls don't do that. She did listen to that, so it was incentive for her to do her best. Never needed the diapers. But if your provider is not even automatically taking her regardless if she says she has to go, that would be the first thing that needs to change.

AmyJo86268's picture
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1406

Honestly Lexi isn't old enough to say or agree it's time to go potty. EJ has been trained for over a year but there's still constant reminding / forcing and bribing to get him to go on my schedule. School is better because everybody is on the same routine. Everett still get's candy for pooping, but not for going on the potty it's more a constipation prevention method for us. Diapers aren't a good idea especially if you want to go forward with potty training. Everett will go kicking and screaming to the potty but still goes when I make him, so I think your Amy needs to force the routine (every 2 hours or so) and bribe if you want to until it becomes a habit.

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1007

Fully agree! No diapers--it sets them back so much! (like training wheels on a bike! LOL) See if her daycare provider is willing to take her on a 30 minute schedule etc. Heck, provide a timer! Maybe Lexi will respond to a timer she can help set herself? I did that with one of mine with a lot of success. Good luck with it--it can be so frustrating. Weston would not poop in the potty for a month after we began pting. Finally I just asked him why he wouldn't poop there--he told me he didn't want to poop on the fishies! Once I knew that, I worked on convincing him there were no fishies in the potty and he began to use it for poop too. It was a whole month of poopy unders, but I knew diapers/pull-ups would set him back.