DH family Vent!

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belzy's picture
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 11/01/10
Posts: 522
DH family Vent!

I know wih Brayden being so new everyone is exicited and wants to see him as much as possible, we have been home since last saturday night and have only had 1 day without my DH family coming over for visits.....my Dh had to go back to work on monday so i never really had any time with Dh around to help me out and get adjusted to having a baby which sucked because i was so sore and tired and by the time my dh would get home and give me a hand so i could relax a bit his family would show up.....and they always want to hold him and feed him and change him which is nice except every time they do any of it Brayden gets upset and wont stp crying for like 15 minutes......Brayden is starting to prefer boob over bottle and will make sucking facing when you try go give him a bottle so last night my mil is trying to feed him a bottle and he is making his sucking face look and crying and crying and crying, my mil keeps saying "oh i think he wants mommy" so i say i will take him and feed him and she says no, i have got it......so we listened to him cry for the rest of the visit.....they also decided to change his diaper, my Dh told them to make sure to cover his little wee wee up so he doesnt pee everywhere, they got a little snippy and said they know how to change a boy baby.....so we let them change him, Brayden is whaling and crying and crying and he ends up peeing all over the walls, the change table, the floor.....when my Dh went in and asked if they covered him when changing him they said they didnt think they needed to......so then i had to wash the change pad cover and the walls and the floor.......so annoying, if they want to help fine, but sometimes its better for my dh and i to do certain things....so they finally leave and we are getting ready for bed.....my dh and i have an agreement that i get to sleep from 9pm-12pm while he watches Brayden and then i take over because my dh has to get up for work......so its just after 9 and im heading to the bedroom with Brayden to go get my pj's on (or bedroom is like 4 feet down the hall from our side door entrance which everyone uses) and who just walks into our house?? My DH brother......why does he think he can just walk into our house without calling or giving any kind of notice??? If he had been 30 seconds later i would have been changing......Or i could have been breastfeeding or pumping or sleeping or during the day i could have been using the washroom ( i dont close the door when im home alone so i can hear brayden if he cries) he told travis the other day that he planned on popping in sometime when it was just me home to help out and my travis told him he couldnt just pop over because i could be doing anything at that time, so why did he think he could just walk into our house like he owned the place......ugh i was so mad, i stayed in the bedroom and didnt say a word to him and alos didnt take brayden out for him to see.....Im gonna have to keep a deadbolt on the door for privacy.....i was so mad i couldnt sleep at all last night, i told my dh that after this weekend we are making a rule for how much visitors we have during the week.....sorry just needed to vent a little!

MrsHooah2U's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 946


I'm sorry!!! Sad I agree, YOU need to put your foot down and set some rules, end of story! If DH's family doesn't like it.. guess what: TOO DAMN BAD! If they are going to come visit they need to at least have the respect to be able to phone first. Newborn babies seem to bring out some of the worst in people and they seem to lose their manners. Chances are that they wouldn't just drop over on a Tuesday evening prior to baby, so what makes it okay now? You and DH are the only ones who are going to speak up for yourselves, so make sure you do it!

And next time MIL says "looks like he wants mommy" and then shuts you down when you tell her your going to go feed him, you need to kabosh that. No, I am going to go feed him and when he's finished feeding I'll bring him back out. DONE.

Hang in there!

akpufa's picture
Last seen: 3 years 1 week ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

*hugs* I totally understand. I felt like we had no control over our families who thought they knew what was best when I was already struggling to get the hang of everything. My DD HAD to be swaddled to sleep, yet we had a lot of family members who insisted on unwrapping her because it "looks so uncomfortable". It was so frustrating! Then she didn't like be held while you sat - you had to walk around & bounce her but everyone wanted to just sit on the couch or rock her which made her scream. Anyway...I learned as time went on to let me voice be heard a bit more, but sometimes I just had to suck it up and let her cry for a minute until people realized that I knew what I was doing.

PS, ITA on dead-bolting the door. People should have more respect that just walking in randomly, but obviously they don't.

Radavia's picture
Last seen: 1 year 10 months ago
Joined: 07/05/05
Posts: 259

Yeah, that's not cool at all. Is Brayden their first grandchild or something? I agree that some kind of boundaries have to be set, if not just for your peace of mind then also for Brayden's. If you don't feel comfortable putting your foot down (I know I'm hesitant to confront MIL about anything, really), then talk to your DH about it. Lock your doors, turn off your phone, and don't answer the doorbell. Being a first time mom is hard enough without hordes of well-meaning but definitely irritating visitors waltzing through your door at all hours of the day.

Hugs! I hope things get better for you.

isuche02's picture
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122


Starryblue702's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454


I'm so sorry, I know how that is. I know that it's hard and probably makes you feel bad, but you HAVE to put your foot down and let DH know how you feel about his family right now, and HE needs to be the one to take care of things for you. He needs to let his family know that you JUST HAD THE BABY and you need some alone time to bond with him without anyone else around! If they don't understand your feelings then that's their problem...

mommys's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

Seriously want to hit them for you, why did you have to clean up the pee anyway???? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Last seen: 4 years 3 days ago
Joined: 03/06/09
Posts: 1054

*Lurker from August*
Wow :eek: I am so sorry you have to deal with this while you're trying to recover from having a baby. As hard as it is, you will have to put your foot down because it is best for your emotional well-being and for Brayden's well-being.

angielily's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/11/03
Posts: 287

Oh, ho ho ho. DBF & I JUST had a conversation about this. His parents live out of state & want to know when they can fly in to spend some time with the baby. I said I wanted at least a week to not have to deal with visitors (on 2 seperate occasions, since his parents are divorced). And then, his family, like mine, are pretty moderate drinkers & will say ANYTHING on their minds while under the infulence. Which is always. Last thing I need is that. Just to give an example: his Mom already started in on me about how I need a changing table. I told her that I've seen too many babies fall over & bust their heads open on those things in my decade of working with young children, lol. Seriously, I haven't, but who the hell is she to tell me what I need? I don't want one. God made mats & floors, for goodness sake & who am I to question the workings of The Almighty??? Heh heh.
If I don't laugh about it, I'll start crying. I hate it when people tell me what to do & how to do it, which they do often 'cause though I'm ridiculously stubborn, I'm such a pushover it's unreal.
When I had DD#1, I had so many hospital visitors, I nearly lost it. And that was while I was on percocet, which makes everything nice & fuzzy!! When I got home, I didn't answer the phone or anything & after about a week & a half, I felt comfortable enough to start seeing people & having people over.
This is not the time to worry about hurt feelings or what they may think, which you know, obviously, but it's hard to just shrug them off. However, this is the time to get to know your baby with your DH & they simply have to comply.

3-o-me's picture
Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 12/28/10
Posts: 306

Oh, I would go ballistic if someone just walked into my house, no matter WHO you are - for those exact reasons you mention. I would DEF start locking the door. And, as hard as it may be can you put everyone on notice that you'll only take visitors at x time and maybe even on x days? My mom suggested that for me, but I'm kinda lucky in that if you can't get on the base you can't pop in on me. I did tell DH we were NOT telling people when we were heading home to Delta.

@angielily - I'm with you! My FIL talks about visiting and I told DH that's ok with me, but there will be NO alcohol in the house if he does (there are some problems with addiction there). MIL also wants to fly my SIL and her 1 year old son to visit with her in Sept...ummm, if you are not here to help - cook, clean, laundry, feed, burp, any number of 1000 things to be done - then please don't visit. Call again in 2012 pls. Smile

Belzy I truly hope this gets better for you. This should be a bonding time for you, your family, and your LO. Hugs and thoughts are with you!!:bigarmhug:

jaimers617's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 10/30/09
Posts: 333

** lurker from august

Ugh - how annoying! We had something like this with our first, excpet it wasn't family...it was friends. I don't know how your in-laws would do it, but I know that we had the front door locked and all the lights off and our friends would STILL show up to our house at 9pm, try the door, see that it was locked, and then knock!!! Really?! Knock?! So, then our dog would bark, of course. There was one time that the guy showed up and did it and it did wake up our little guy who was probably 5 months old and I was PISSED!! I had a huge attitude and said something about how we just got him to calm down and he got snippy with me! So - my advice...tell them flat out so everybody is on the same page. Good luck! I hope things get better.