I LOVE it when my parenting choices are criticised!

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angielily's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/11/03
Posts: 287
I LOVE it when my parenting choices are criticised!

Well, Ryan's family has managed to make my first 2 weeks postpartum very aggravating & slightly miserable. Sorry if this gets long & all over the place. It'll probably help me to write it all down & get it out of my head.
His Mom came to visit today from Arkansas. She'll be here the next 5 days. Ryan & I have been talking about her staying in a hotel for the last few months, but when she said she didn't want to, he backed down. So she'll be here the entire time, sleeping on Clara's bottom bunk. Keep in mind his Dad was here a few days ago (I was promised nobody would visit until Gracie had been home for at LEAST a week...yeah, he backed down for his Dad, too) & I spent the majority of the time he was here locked in our bedroom, feeding Grace cause "seeing titties" made his Dad uncomfortable. I hate the word "titties". Anyway, I have to re-latch her constantly, so it's just easier to be in another room than it is to try to re-latch under a blanket. Blessedly, he stayed in a hotel, so I caught a break at night.
Not this time, though. Don't get me wrong...I like Ryan's mom, really. I love that they are so excited about Gracie & couldn't wait to see her. However, I wish someone would take me into consideration, here. Ugh, it sounds so selfish & Ryan has done SO MUCH around the house & with Clara & for me, etc, etc...he just didn't do what I needed more than anything & that was to tell his parents "We are so happy to have you, but we really need you to understand the situation..."
I feel so annoyed cause he & his mom root through cabinets looking for sea salt & basil & big bowls, but nobody bothers to ask me where it all is. I live here, too. I'm the one who knows where things are. They team up & leave me out. When she comes to visit, he asks her to help him pick out plates for the kitchen & rugs for the living room...but it isn't her house. It's ours. He says he does this to include her since she likes taking care of him & whatnot, so I guess that means treating me like I don't belong. I remember when he & I first met, we planned to go hiking at the only place near Louisiana with waterfalls...I wanted to show him. It was supposed to be my gift to him. Except, though, when his Mom came to visit last November, he brought her while I was at work. My feelings were so hurt. Not only did I not get to bring him, I couldn't even go when they went.
He was just in here, half drunk (yeah, she likes to drink with her son...I guess it's ok with her that she raised & encourages a functional alcoholic) telling me that he's disappointed with my mood & why do I shut "them" out. He called Gracie "our baby" meaning his & his mom's & his family's. He doesn't know why I'm crying...his Mom has been making little remarks about my breastfeeding Gracie. I'm always ready to defend myself, always armed with statistics, but today I don't have any fight in me. It grossed her out that I breastfed Clara for 3 years & after Ryan asked me how Gracie's latch was today, she told Ryan "I'm so glad I didn't do that". Gracie got hiccoughs today & his mom was annoyed cause I wouldn't give her a bottle of water.
Ah, now they're both getting loaded, playing darts & thety just came in here to visit with me. Whatever...I'm going to bed. I really hope that either tomorrow is much better or that (if it isn't) I have the right attitude to deal with it.
Thanks for letting me vent Smile

rebgrace's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 03/28/08
Posts: 596

:bigarmhug: Ugh, that sucks. There is no way you should have to deal with ILs in the first couple of weeks! No matter how well you get along, that is a time when you should be figuring out how to BF, bonding with your baby, and crying out all the hormones... WITHOUT the extra stress!! I like mine, but having MIL stay here is still stressful without a baby, I can't imagine how you are holding it together. Oh, and she also encourages my DH's functional alcoholism.:violent2:
I hope the next 5 days goes really fast for you, and you can get back to bonding with Gracie!!!

akpufa's picture
Last seen: 3 years 1 week ago
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

*hugs* As if having a NB isn't stressful enough... sheesh!

Jessica.'s picture
Last seen: 2 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 02/02/09
Posts: 424

"akpufa" wrote:

*hugs* As if having a NB isn't stressful enough... sheesh!


WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Last seen: 2 years 12 months ago
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

That sounds awful! Hugs! Hope tomorrow is better!

Minx_Kristi's picture
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Awww hun, I feel your pain!! This is why it sucks when your DBF is close with their Mum, luckily mine isn't.

When DD was born, his Mum was in the room watching. Bare in mind I'd only met her twice before..... I felt like I couldn't say no to it.
Then she was with us a whole week (she lives away) afterwards and she criticised everything! How I was washing her bottles, how I held her, how she might be cold etc etc. I flipped my lid when DD had a choking episode and his Mum had a dig at my mother because she left the room.

Anyway, now that DD is older his Mum is a lot less interfereing. She knows I know what I'm doing now (sort of) and she will still make odd remarks but I just ignore her. Don't let it get you too down because it will change.


MrsHooah2U's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 946


DH's unit is doing weapon firing training this week.. would you like me to put in a request for them to do training at your house???

I'm sorry to hear about all that. My MIL is coming on Wednesday, or thursday, they didn't know (:rolleyes:) and I'm dreading it.. They're staying until Monday and it's going to be the longest weekend of my life..

mommys's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

My MIL was here a week really early on and I cried every single day. Unfortunately moms who are not tired, hormomal and breastfeeding are just more fun than we are. I felt like DH and her were buddies too. DH would stay up late playing with her but was too tired to even sleep with us. Blah!

I will say that breastfeeding hormones are atroscious (sp?) and known to make us cry at the drop of a hat early on. Hang in there, I hope she is gone soon!

Big hugs! Feel fee to call me if you just need to vent.

angielily's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/11/03
Posts: 287

Thanks...you girls are awesome. Ugh, she's cleaning my house now. I am fuming but you know what? At least I won't have to clean for a week.
Haha, I unexpectedly got Clara this weekend. So now his mom has to bunk with my 7 yr old. She doesn't seem like a very happy camper...maybe next time she'll get a hotel.
Muahahaha! Honestly, she'll prolly talk Ryan into taking the top bunk & have Clara sleep with me. Whatever...countdown...3 days...