Advice on how to cope with crying on DH's shift

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nmpiche's picture
Joined: 08/29/07
Posts: 508
Advice on how to cope with crying on DH's shift

DD is a month old. DH takes the "night shift" from my last feeding (a few minutes ago) until she sleeps, does a bottle when she wakes and puts her to bed in our room afterwards. He has a terrible time getting her to sleep after I nurse her. I know it's evening and "fussy time" but if I take her she calms down and at least isn't screaming. I do need to sleep so I usually go to bed with earplugs on. She cries no matter what he does so he choses to wear noise canceling headphones and just lay her on his chest swaddled up (that works any other time of day). The crying breaks my heart but he gets upset when I interfere and I do need to get to bed. What do you think? Just let her cry? I do suggest some things and he tries but it's tough for him. He's starting to feel like DD only cries for him. I don't remember this being so difficult with DD1. Are any of you going through the same thing?

jaimelr's picture
Joined: 01/09/10
Posts: 217

I am interested in seeing any suggestions. For us DH has challenges any time of day with day. If dd starts fussing it typically does not end until I take her. Sigh. It makes it that I go to bed later than I should and I am pretty chained to dd. i remember having this to some extent with DS - bu we are less bothered by crying the second time around. But it still sucks - DH finds it frustrating because he wants to gve me the break but dd doesn't seem to share that opinion.

Joined: 05/31/08
Posts: 1131

Haven't started bottles here yet, but with DS1, when I was at work and DH had him at home by himself, he sat on a yoga ball and bounced up and down and DS1 would always fall asleep (and he was very tough to get to sleep for a while). Ronan is hard to get to sleep during the day (easy at night) and often the only thing that works is putting him in the Moby and walking around until he falls asleep. Once in the Moby, he passes out. Maybe your DH could wear her in some kind of baby carrier? I think Ronan likes the Moby because he is all tucked up and held tight in there so it is kind of womb-like. I guess the one think to remember is that babies change so fast and this will only last a few weeks! Hang in there!

readytoplanmom's picture
Joined: 06/03/11
Posts: 168

I have also experienced this and I find that my DH gets more upset at the baby and it seems that the baby can feel his upset and reciprocates his stress and frustration...my DH has found it calming for baby and himself by putting him in a front carrier and walking around the house while he can read things on his smartphone...which by the the way we just upgraded and it has been fantastic while breastfeeding too! Anyways, sometimes it seems the baby does cry more with DH because they just aren't as nurturing as us women, period. Also, it's very warm here in AZ and DH will walk outside at night with baby and most of the time it knocks him out. In the beginning it seemed like nothing worked, but it was because DH never gave any technique long enough to work(I mean how long do you rock or sway baby to sleep???) they aren't as patient because they 'worked' all day and are tired and now have this screaming baby and blah blah blah...I think it has been helpful for me to just let DH figure his own way bc he got very stressed out and angry at me when I gave suggestions, so I have just left him to it and it seems to work most nights. Wow, okay that's my book, hopefully things get better for you.

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