Disagreement with hubby

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Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
Joined: 01/20/12
Posts: 189
Disagreement with hubby

I started working again about 1.5 years ago as a teacher. I had stayed home for 5 years with other two kids and really needed to get back out there for my own sanity. I enjoyed staying home with them and was very involved in all kinds of stuff in the community but was very happy to get back to work.

Now that baby #3 is on the way I was hoping to go part time and finally was able to talk to my principal about it. When I told DH about it tonight he told me that he feels this is unfair to the baby because I stayed home with the other two and when #3 is older he may resent me for not staying home with him too.

I told him that #3 would be better off with a happier mom who is working part time. He just looked at me and shrugged and said well you know how I feel - I think you should stay home.

I am torn as to what to do, if I were to take a year off the part time position that I want likely won't be available anymore and I love working with my kids at school but I really don't want to make him mad.

I would likely be working from 9:30- 2:45 every day.

Any advice?

readytoplanmom's picture
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 06/03/11
Posts: 168

You are so lucky to have such a flexible job...and its something you enjoy! I can see where he is coming from, but its better that you are sane and happy for this third child than regretful for giving up something you love.

MommyQCT's picture
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/12/08
Posts: 387

I think you should work part time if that is what you want...Happy Mom = Happy family...
But if it will make DH mad....thats rough... can you let him sit with the idea a little - how much notice do you have ot give?

Good luck in whatever you decide

SunDevil28's picture
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 04/30/07
Posts: 496

I work part-time and LOVE it, so I'm biased. I definitely agree with the idea that happy mom = happy family. Being at home when you want to be working, or being resentful that you lost the position isn't good for the family.

My mom stayed home with me for the first year, but only took off 6 weeks with my sister. We're both fine. My sister could care less as a rational adult that my mom went back to work. So I wouldn't worry about the new baby resenting that you didn't stay home, he/she won't remember.

I think it's tough that your hubby is not on board. Depending on what he's like, if you make the decision to keep working, would he get used to the idea? Is money an issue? I think those hours are great, not too early, not too late. GL!

Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
Joined: 01/20/12
Posts: 189

He was a bit opposed to me starting back to work in the first place last year but he did get used to the idea. It is not a money issue as I really wouldn't be making that much after daycare, although we do get better benefits through my job.
I think he does not like having to contribute more around the house when I work and he wants to feel like he is the one supporting the family (which he is, he makes a lot more than I do). It just feels hard to get him to see this rationally.

carissar's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/22/07
Posts: 212

I agree happy mom=happy family, but of course that is rough if your DH is truly unhappy about it. Perhaps maybe making it more clear that this is something that you really enjoy and you are already making a compromise by working part time so perhaps he could compromise too and let it slide? That is tough! I hope you are able to get it all worked out so everyone is happy. Good luck!

Last seen: 4 years 1 day ago
Joined: 05/31/08
Posts: 1131

I think if you want to work part time, you should. I know being a complete SAHM is not for me, I am much happier if I have other projects going on, although I don't want to work full time because I do want to be home a lot, just not ALL the time. I am a MUCH better mother if I have the chance to get out of the house and work sometimes. When I was a total SAHM for about 6 months after we moved, I got kind of lazy and depressed. It's much better for everyone with me working! However, I do know DH appreciated not having to do as much around the house when it was basically my job. It's true that both parents working ultimately means more work for everyone. But worth it if it makes you happy IMO! And I don't think your kid will care. They won't know the difference, and may even be better off for it if you are a happier person and a better mom.