guess im going it alone?

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babymadalanne's picture
Joined: 11/22/11
Posts: 6
guess im going it alone?

Hey guys so my b/f has decided that this baby thing isnt for him. Not sure what's going on but i am an emotional wreck to begin with. Just need a little moral boost.

aphart0's picture
Joined: 11/21/08
Posts: 681

I am so sorry that this is what your b/f has decided. But do know that there is still plenty of time for him to change his mind. Invite him to an ultrasound when you have one...seeing the baby might make him feel differently than just thinking about the idea of a baby. But also know that you can do this alone. There are plenty of single mothers out there who have done it alone. I am not going to lie, it is going to be tough, but you can do it. I would turn to family and friends right now who you know are going to be there for you no matter what and will help you through all of this emotionally and financially. And just know that we are all here for you too. Good luck!!
:bighug:

MommyQCT's picture
Joined: 06/12/08
Posts: 387

Ohhh - I am so sorry to hear this...
Men can be such jerks sometimes... including my DH! I just hate him these days...

Anyway! I really hope he changes his mind... I think this may be a typical reaction for many young men...but many do change their minds too...

As perviuos poster said do you have friends / family that can help support you? Pregnancy makes you so emotional as it is - you really need to find someone to guide you through...and don't forget we are always here for you....

KET_2010's picture
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737

*Lurker*

I am so sorry your bf is being like this.

I had my first DD at 18, was pregnant at 17. When I was 5 months pregnant her "father" decided he wanted to break up. For most of my pregnancy he was off and on if he wanted to be with me or not. At 6 weeks he ended it again and took off for a week and screamed at me when I would contact him to come see DD1. Finally at 2 1/2 months we broke up for good and when she was around 9 months he pretty much walked out of her life for good. Sure he still sees her off and on (averages once ever 12-18 months) and in the past 3 or 4 years has only seen her about 5 hours in all. Maybe 7 if we're lucky.

I raised her pretty much on my own (half the time he didn't pay child support) but I had my family help me as well. They were wonderful. His family didn't do crap for us and once they moved away it was "out of sight out of mind" kinda thing (they moved to a different state just after she turned 2).

She is 6 now and has a wonderful step dad who wants to adopt her. She is happy as could be and I wouldn't change anything. I love her. She also now has a younger sister and a brother on the way. She doesn't feel like she's missing anything, and only is bothered that her last name is different than mine (her "father", if you can call him that, wanted her to have his last name and I agreed because he said we were gonna get married).

I'm not saying any of this to scare you or anything. I'm saying this so you know that you can do it alone if it comes to that. I'm hoping that you don't have to.

If you even need to vent, or want to talk, or ask anything you can always PM me.

:bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

Joined: 05/31/08
Posts: 1131

Ugh, men. Sometimes they just don't know how to deal. It's easier for them to just run away. He may come around when he sees you are serious about this baby. It's hard even for men who are happy about their babies to connect with the pregnancy at first, since they don't have the physical bond we do. I know for DH, the father instinct didn't really kick in until I was obviously showing and he could feel the baby move, and it wasn't "real" until DS was actually born. But it could be he is not emotionally mature enough to handle being a father right now. When I was pg with DS, there was a woman in my childbirth prep class who had left her b/f behind in another state because he was being a jerk and was just doing it on her own. The nurse teaching the class had 3 kids with different fathers, and she said the first time it was with the wrong man, the second time it was with no man, and the third was with the right man. She told the woman in my class that no man was by far better than the wrong man. So hopefully he steps up and becomes the right man, but if not, you may be better off without him. Not that that makes it any easier to deal with emotionally now, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you have good friends and family who will support you. :bigarmhug:

Emily Joline's picture
Joined: 11/27/11
Posts: 20

****Lurker****

I was 21 when when I fell in love with my first husband and got married. I got pregnant at 22 ( a planned pregnancy, we both wanted it) my daughter was born two months premature and was i the NICU for 18 days. About 2 weeks after I brought her from the hospital I caught my husband cheating and he decided that he didn't want to be a dad anymore. That was it.He was gone. There were days that I would lay on the bathroom floor in the fetal position and bawl my eyes out. I really do pray that your BF does come back and you guys can make it work but if not please remember that there are tons of women that do it on their own and are able to make the best of their situation. I moved my daughter and I back home and we lived with my parents for two years where they helped me raise my daughter while I went to school. watched her during the day and took classes at night. I graduated on the Dean's list and became a paralegal. It's been four and a half years later and I just got married to a wonderful man this October. he is in the process of adopting my daughter and we just found out Friday that I am expecting our second child. My whole point to this very long and rambling post is that I know how bad it hurts to be in your shoes. It's a horrible feeling and it doesn't go away over night or even in a matter of a few months. Take these next months to take care of yourself and your baby and do as much soul searching as possible. Try to find yourself. You will be an amazing mother and there is no parenting manual that say you HAVE to have a man there for you child to be raised in a beautiful and loving environment. You can handle this and once you realize that you can you will also realize that you can handle almost anything else that gets thrown your way!!! PM if you ever need to vent or need a shoulder! take and use all the support you can get right now~ I promise brighter days are ahead of you!

TessaS's picture
Joined: 11/19/11
Posts: 100

Madalanne, I am so sorry your bf has done this to the two of you. I can't imagine how you are feeling. Like others said, there is plenty of time for him to get with it. He has to understand he is a part of it if he likes it or not. The choice he has is his involvement. Grrr! I just hope and pray that you have another support system to help you. How about friends, family. You got this Madalanne! I totally understand you feeling Sad and :mad: , but hang in there! YOu always have us, and sounds like a bunch of ladies who can relate Smile

babymadalanne's picture
Joined: 11/22/11
Posts: 6

My mom is the only other person I have told. (again im 20, waiting for a good time to tell my dad) My mom said I can move back to niagara so i'm close to family. She had cancer and her uterus and overies were removed and she is going through the adoption system so her and her new husband can have a child. So if i decide i cant do this she will take the baby. But I already feel like this baby is such a part of my life (is that possible). I'm such a hormonal mess right now. I seriously cannot stop crying. And I havent been out of bed since 2pm yesterday (other then to eat and pee of course)

TessaS's picture
Joined: 11/19/11
Posts: 100

I am glad that you are eating, but woman, you have to get out of bed! I know life has to be rough right now...I don't know what you are going through or how you feel, but it isn't just yourself you are caring for right now. I am glad that you told you mother and hope you can tell your dad. Is moving home what you want right now? You still have plenty of choices. Do you enjoy your work/school/friends. Do you have a good friend that you can tell, because that is what you need right now. I wish I could be there, because I would come over and get you up out of bed Wink Part of your feelings is your hormones, which I totally can understand. This makes some bad things seem 10 times worse...I am experiencing the same thing. If the support you need is with your parents, that would be great to move in with them. Don't think as it though as if you can't do it, but if you can't do it alone, it would be good to have them there.