The Other Children

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NutMeg4189's picture
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The Other Children

My daughter is going to be 2 next month. If we succeed this month, she will be about 2 3/4 (32 months old) when the new baby is born. I am a nanny and work a day a week usually for a few hours. It's not really part time, just something I do to make a little extra money and get Ashlynn out of the house. She comes with me when I do work and when I take care of the baby she gets very jealous. She will try to take his bottle, sit on my lap next to him, try to get me to change her when I'm changing him, try to take me away from him ... etc. She does not like me taking care of him at all. She loves him and enjoys being around him, just not when i'm changing or feeding or playing with him. Haha. This had made me nervous about having our own baby.

We've started talking to her about taking care of babies and how we have to be nice, gentle, loving ... etc. She has babies that she carries around and we are using them to try to teach her how we treat babies, I'm still a little nervous about how she will react. We've been very open with her that we might have another baby in the house one day. I know she's only two and might have no idea what we are talking about, but I think at least talking about it might help when a baby DOES show up one day. Ashlynn has always had our undivided attention. She is extremely spoiled because she is an only child and the only grandchild in both families.

SO ... I guess what I'm wondering is for those of you who have children how are you explaining , or how will you explain, this whole process to them? If you've been through this how did your children react and what did you do to make it better? Did you set aside special time to spend with just them or did you just work on including them in helping to take care of the new baby?

I was born when my sister was 23 months old and she had a little toddler melt down. She pulled out all her hair and just became a completely different little kiddo. I don't want my DD to have a little toddler melt down ! Haha !

belindab's picture
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With my oldest, we just tried to include him as much as possible. He was turned 2 three weeks before DS2 was born. We bought him a baby doll to practice holding and being gentle. We referred to the baby in my belly as our baby and sometimes his baby. We encouraged him to feel the baby kick and he gave the baby kisses on my belly all the time. When DS2 was born we had DS1 be the first one to come in and meet him. We also gave him a present from the baby while we were still in the hospital. DH even took DS1 to the store to pick out a coming home outfit for the baby (we didn't know the sex ahead of time). Thankfully, DS1 did great and never really showed any jealousy. We did pretty much the same with every baby after that. They were excited about "their babies". We also made sure to make a fuss over them when they came to see the new baby in the hospital. Really bragged on them and how they would be such great big brothers to the newest. We have been really lucky. I'm a little worried about DS5. He does tend to get jealous when I'm around other babies. He'll try to nudge them out of my lap when I'm volunteering in the church nursery. He also gets jealous of DS4. He'll actually try to push DS4 away if he tries to get in my lap while I'm holing holding him. We plan on doing the same as in the past with him. Get him a doll to practice with and just build up his role as big brother. He's only 18 months old right now so he won't entirely get it for a while but it can't hurt to start preparing him now.
So, my advice is just to include her as much as possible and get her excited about being a big sister.

NutMeg4189's picture
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Thank you so much for that Belinda ! It really helps to know what has worked with your kiddos. Hopefully they will work for DD!

lemonlemon's picture
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I think it's something that each kid takes differently, depending on their age and temperment, so Im a little nervous about how its going to go in my house!

Brody will be almost 4 or 4 if it keeps taking a while TTC... so he's used to being the only child..

Everyone says how he's going to make such a good brother because he lovvveeess our friends babies- but thats the thing, its THEIR babies.. haha.. its going to be a whole different story when its our own baby taking mommy and dadds attention away!!!

I think just talking to them as much as we can about whats going to happen and trying to get them excited for the baby would be the best bet... and then take it from there!!

im going to try to have a lot of just mommy-brody time and kev can watch the baby, and keep him in preschool so that he can get attention and play there while i do housework/take care of baby if im not at work.. so then when he's here I can devote more time to just him...

Hopefully he'll be a great "little helper" haha but we shall see!!!!

He already named our future baby, and then he was talking about sisters in the car today and I asked him if he had a sister and he said "no, just myself!" and I asked if he wanted one and he said "no, just myself!" haha... yikes

glwolf's picture
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My daughter was 3 when Logan was born and man was she excited! I woke her up that morning when my water broke and said "are you ready to be a big sister today?" and she nodded her head and smiled. she was so excited it was really cute.

I did little things for her that probably helped. When she came to the hospital she wanted to hold him and I gave him to her first. Even before Grandma cuz she was waiting for her brother to come for a long time. I also let her hold him all the time at home and she gave him his baba whenever she wanted also. I would put him in the travel swing and she could give him his baba in there or she would sit on the couch with the boppy. It was so cute. But she was always great and I never really saw any jealousy with her. She had just turned 2 when I got pregnant and we told her right away. We talked about the baby in mommys tummy alot and talked about what a great big sister she was gonna be. I'm sure your DD will be fine! Mine was super excited to play with a live baby doll LOL