Name Ettiquette
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Thread: Name Ettiquette

  1. #1
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    Default Name Ettiquette

    How close do you have to be to someone before one of their children's names is off limits?

    In a church of 500 people, is it acceptable to use a name someone else used if you have never met the family that used it? Does it change your answer to know the babies will be only about a year apart and will grow up in the same classes even if the parents never speak?

    I just today found out that one of the newer babies at church has our #1 boy name. I know who the family is, sort of. But we've never spoken. They are really into music ministries and all my ministries are kid-related so our paths don't cross. If we use the name, it's bound to be said "That's the ____'s baby's name." Is it acceptable to say "Who? I don't know them?" And change the subject?

    Tori 2005
    Lucas 2007
    Oliver 2013

  2. #2
    Contributor flockoflambs's Avatar
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    Lurker from June 2013

    I would use the name! The only way I would not use a name was if it was already in the family or a very close friend. A stranger who just happens to go to your church? Use it!
    Rachel & Daniel
    --May 18th 2006--

    Nathan Samuel (September 6th 2004)
    Madison Emma (July 3rd 2008 )
    Connor Patrick (February 10th 2011)

    Baby #4 due June 25th 2013
    Jacob Andrew or ?? ??

  3. #3
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    i think it depends on how you feel on the subject, like if you want your LO to be the only one with that name and such. if you don't care, then i would use it. if someone says a comment like that i would be inclined to say "i'm sorry, i didn't realize they owned the name?"

    if it was family, then to me that is different but some people don't care. DS was going to be an Owen, it was a name we had picked out for years before it became popular and then one of his cousins that we see all the time named her son Owen and we didn't want to use it anymore.
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  4. #4
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    I would use the name. You can't control everyone your child comes in contact with and there is bound to be other people in the world that have his name. Family and friends are the names you have to be concerned with because they are ever present in your life.
    Nancy
    Wife to Phillip
    Mom to T.J. (5/9/6) and Alex (4/8/9)

  5. #5
    Prolific Poster Dundees2010's Avatar
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    I would use the name. We had the same problem with some friends of friends. We really liked Riley for a girl and it was the only name we liked and could agree on. However, a few years before these friends of friends that we see maybe once a year now that we're older named their daughter Riley. We decided to use it. We hardly ever see them and it is just a name. So, I would say use it and if people question you about it say tell the truth--it was the only name your husband and you could agree on and that you wanted the both of you to love the name you chose for your child.
    Nicole

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  6. #6
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    Kids have the same name in classes all the time. Sometimes there are 3-4 kids in the same class that have the same name. I would totally use it. Even if I had a friend whose kid was the same name, if I really liked it I would use it. I would not use a name if one of my siblings or in-laws used it.

    Deb ................. DH Norm
    DS Caleb, 13 ...... DS Patrick, 12
    DS Isaiah, 8 ......... DS Thomas, 7

    DD Cherish, 6....... DD Emily, 7\18\13 ....... Ripple, 17
    William, 14 weeks, 4/11/12

  7. #7
    Supporter kramsgirl's Avatar
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    That's a really hard one...I think I could go either way on it. Personally, if I had another name that I liked almost as well I'd switch to that - mainly because of the other child being close to the same age. Having said that, so much can change in a few years - either of you could leave the church and some one else could come with the same name as the #2 you end up using. So -- If there's special significance to this name I'd still use it and if I just really really liked it better than anything else I'd use it. I'm sure people will comment on it being the same but probably most just as an observation - not "why would you do that??" Just explain that you had the name picked out long ago and couldn't give up on it. I'd totally understand that.

    For us, we don't want to use the same names as their 1st cousins (and a few other relatives we're close to) and people we go to church with (we go to a smaller church so even the adult names we try not to duplicate unless it's something really special to us).
    Melissa

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  8. #8
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    My kids only have one first cousin so that's not hard! We won't use any if OUR cousins names either. But when all the cousins start having kids, who knows. We are a close family, though. My mom and her cousins grew up very close and at first they tried not to repeat names but my grandmother has five siblings and each had five or six kids. When those 30+ started having kids it got really hard. I know there are some repeated names now... In fact, one of my girl names is a name among that group. but that's my mom's cousin's adult child. Not someone my kid will see often!

    You are right, people leave and join churches all the time. So who knows what would happen there. That's a good point.

    Tori 2005
    Lucas 2007
    Oliver 2013

  9. #9
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    *lurker*

    I think it will be fine. You have almost no association with this family, and kids get used to having the same name if they do end up in the same groups. My son was the only one with his name for the longest time, but another child moved into his school and had the same name. My son's best friend has a sister just months younger than my twins, and she shares the same name with Keira. They go to the same daycare, and will be at the same school, and in the same grade. They are used to it already. The mom asked me before she used the name. I don't have a right to a name, no matter how close my child may be with that child. I told her to use it if she loved it. It will all be just fine. Obviously, you don't use names that family members or close friends have picked, but I think it is okay to use a name you love for any other situation, particularly for such a big church congregation. Good luck!
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


  10. #10
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    I think it would be fine, especially in a congregation that large, it would be hard not to repeat a name. For my son, we knew we wanted Jackson and would call him Jack or Jackson but were having trouble coming up with a name to go along with it. We liked Joshua and decided to use it. My cousin and his wife were also expecting and planned to name their son Joshua and did. But I thought it would be ok for me to use it since we weren't going to call him by it. And now, they live out of state, so it all worked out anyway.

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