Are You Telling?

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
Dundees2010's picture
Joined: 05/05/10
Posts: 229
Are You Telling?

Now that we have our BFPs we have some decisions to make! Are you telling anyone right now? If so, who? Are you waiting to tell people? If so, how long are you planning to wait?

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

the only person I have told is the massage therapist at work. don't know if that counts? lol

for DS we didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks. This time we are going to wait until Christmas, I will be around 10 weeks. We are just going to tell DH's parents, but for my parents I'm going to give them some kind of envelope. Not sure what to put inside it yet.

_SavingLola's picture
Joined: 11/12/12
Posts: 13

I told my closest friends (4) - my husband told my FIL, and his co-workers. I won't tell my immediate family (who all have big mouths), until 12 weeks.

Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961

Hubby, best friend, 3 local friends (so they can babysit for dr appointments), and my birth boards from Tori & Lucas.

Everyone else can wait for Christmas. I'd rather wait longer than that! I hate being fussed over.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

This is a raw nerve right now. After I found out I was pg we told no one. Then, we thought I was m/cing (heavy bleeding with clots). I went to the doctor and had a negitive pg test. He felt I was miscarrying but did a blood test anyway. DH did not want to tell MIL, but I felt she should know so he said I could tell her that I had had a m/c. I told her that DH did not want anyone to know and did not even want me to tell her. Within 10 minutes she had put it on FB that she had just lost a grandbaby to miscarriage. (She only has so many options for Grandchildren). Blood test came back with a HCG of 6. Then, I went back to the doctor for a follow-up visit to make sure my levels returned to zero and to discuss how I had gotten pg after my tubes were tied. Low and behold my levels had not dropped to 0 but had doubled. DH texted MIL to tell her what happened. Less than 2 minutes later DH texted her back to NOT put it on FB. She texted back too late, that she had already put it on FB. Only this time she put that it was a daughter in law and to pray for her because this daughter in law has a lot of pregnancy complications. DH is so mad at her he has not spoken to her since. I can not believe that anyone would post about someone else's miscarriage and pregnancy.

If I had not thought I miscarried, I would not have told until at least after an ultrasound. I for sure would not have put it on FB until at least 4-5 months if at all. So, all of our family knows. People here though (we live 750 miles from family) do not know except for a few close friends. There again, only because I thought I had miscarried and was not still pg. The whole situation has been so bizarre, that I understand MIL was excited, but FB???

Joined: 06/13/12
Posts: 276

Even though I found out today we already told a few my closest friends some of family lol and that is it until after Christmas. Facebook friends can find out after Christmas too.

Joined: 09/01/04
Posts: 1436

The first time I got pregnant, we told everyone immediately. It was awful when I miscarried at 10 weeks. We had thankfully only told a handful of people when I miscarried the 2nd time but the pain in my family's face was heartwrenching. When I was pregnant with both of my sons, we waited until 10-12 weeks to confirm although they had suspected due to my constant nausea. Honestly, I didn't like keeping the pregnancies a secret for so long. It felt dishonest and it kinda took some of the joy away. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do this time around. We live several states away from family so it will be easier to keep the secret, at least until Christmas, but I'm so freaking happy I want to shout to the world. After two pregnancies that I honestly didn't get to enjoy very much due to overwhelming fear, I would love for this, my last pregnancy, to be all about joy.

So far, I've told my husband and my best friend who lives 2000 miles a way. I would love to tell two of my best girlfriends when i visit for the holidays but they will surely tell their husbands and then all our friends will know. I'm trying to decide if that's what I want right now. DH wants to wait until 12 weeks. I would love to tell family when we have heard a heartbeat, either through ultrasound or doppler. I don't know if that will happen before Christmas or not.

elleon17's picture
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

This is a raw nerve right now. After I found out I was pg we told no one. Then, we thought I was m/cing (heavy bleeding with clots). I went to the doctor and had a negitive pg test. He felt I was miscarrying but did a blood test anyway. DH did not want to tell MIL, but I felt she should know so he said I could tell her that I had had a m/c. I told her that DH did not want anyone to know and did not even want me to tell her. Within 10 minutes she had put it on FB that she had just lost a grandbaby to miscarriage. (She only has so many options for Grandchildren). Blood test came back with a HCG of 6. Then, I went back to the doctor for a follow-up visit to make sure my levels returned to zero and to discuss how I had gotten pg after my tubes were tied. Low and behold my levels had not dropped to 0 but had doubled. DH texted MIL to tell her what happened. Less than 2 minutes later DH texted her back to NOT put it on FB. She texted back too late, that she had already put it on FB. Only this time she put that it was a daughter in law and to pray for her because this daughter in law has a lot of pregnancy complications. DH is so mad at her he has not spoken to her since. I can not believe that anyone would post about someone else's miscarriage and pregnancy.

If I had not thought I miscarried, I would not have told until at least after an ultrasound. I for sure would not have put it on FB until at least 4-5 months if at all. So, all of our family knows. People here though (we live 750 miles from family) do not know except for a few close friends. There again, only because I thought I had miscarried and was not still pg. The whole situation has been so bizarre, that I understand MIL was excited, but FB???

Wow! That is crazy and so difficult. There are some things that facebook is simply not meant for. To me, that is absolutely one of them.

elleon17's picture
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

We told my mother, father and brother immediately (it happened that my uncle that I am extremely close to passed away the day I got my BFP. It somehow help to know that although we lost a dear loved one, there was something to be joyous about and god works in mysterious ways.

Since then, we have told my MIL and BFF and my grandmother. My boss at work knows for logistical/sickness reasons.

I told people that in case something happened, I knew I could have there to support me.

We will be telling more people once we have the ultrasound. And after all family and close friends know (probably around 10 weeks or so) I'll let the facebook friends and rest of work know around Christmas time when I reach 12 weeks

Joined: 02/20/07
Posts: 156

My mom, my best friend and 2 cousins know. I wasn't going to tell anyone else til I told my dad. This morning, while visiting dad, he asks me when I'm due!! I was shocked and embarrassed that he found out from someone other than me. But now that he knows, im telling everyone.

Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346

Alyssa, wow! I can't believe your MIL did that! I quit Facebook a year ago for things just like that!

My immediate family knows, DH's doesn't. My MIL told everyone last time and all his family knew before we had a chance to announce it. We're really hoping to avoid that this time. She is coming to visit for 7 days next week and I'm hoping I can hide it. I've been pretty sick so it might be hard! I don't like to tell people who won't be supportive, and people tend to get more supportive the further along you are. It's my 3rd in three years... I'm pretty sensitive to criticism and people rolling their eyes. It makes me not like telling most people!

Kellygirlj's picture
Joined: 09/21/07
Posts: 160

I have told a few people who dont interact with my family. Last time we told my mom and she had passed it on to the entire family before we could. It would also be stressful for me if something happened and she knew...she tends to make everything abut her. I have told a few people at work. I am a nurse in an ICU and there are some things I can't do while pregnant.

Alyssa - every bit of your story is amazing to me! I was literally sitting here with my mouth open in shock when I read your post!

Dundees2010's picture
Joined: 05/05/10
Posts: 229

OMG Alyssa! That is awful! Not only is it not her information to share, but it isn't appropriate! I swear sometimes people don't have any "Facebook" sense!

I'm not sure what we're going to do yet. So far no one knows but me and DH. I was thinking of telling my mom and dad on Thanksgiving and my sister this weekend when I see her. The last time we told them early and waited until after the first OB appointment to tell everyone else. We might do that again or throw it out all together. I want to tell a few close friends, but we'll see if it seems right to tell them the next time we see them. I'm in a weird position at work and still trying to work out when to tell them. I suppose the intensity of my morning sickness may help determine that!

Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961

I will probably make my FB announcement on NYE. My family has Christmas on 12/30 this year. I won't be there (900 miles away) but I'm still telling everyone that day. The FB announcement will mostly be for my church and my college friends. Everyone else should know by then. I'm all ready with how I'm going to do it so now I'm excited for it. I was dreading it! I'm just going to quote the last part of Toby Keith's Huckleberry. "Baby, I'll be your Huckleberry, you don't have to double dare me. When the road gets wild and scary, count on me to be right there. You're so extra ordinary, sweet like maraschino cherries. We grew up and we got married. Now look at those THREE little huckleberries."

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"elleon17" wrote:

Wow! That is crazy and so difficult. There are some things that facebook is simply not meant for. To me, that is absolutely one of them.

It has been hard, but we are getting through it.

Joined: 07/04/08
Posts: 209

We didn't tell with our first 2 pregnancies until about 10 weeks, but after my miscarriage in May I told all my family anyway so I figured since I'll tell them no matter what, I might as well tell them right away! We told everyone this week, DH's side too. I won't mention it on facebook until 12 weeks or so.

Also, since we are moving across the country this month, it didn't hurt to have a little happier news and an incentive to visit to lighten conversations!

stacymh's picture
Joined: 03/16/10
Posts: 1807

Alyssa, wow, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I can't imagine.

My first pg, I waited until my family was together to tell them, my dad was working out of town. I mc that night. I hated it that they didn't get to know a little longer even if it ended that way. With this one (and Evan) I told the family (immediate) after I found out. My mom spills to my grandmother who tells cousins, but that's ok, I hardly see some of the cousins. DH told his parents and sister also. I don't like to tell alot of people early, but I think DH's mom has told everyone in their home town. We see them only every few months. At work, two of my closest friends know. I will tell my boss after 9ish weeks. My BFF and previous birth board knows. Everyone else can wait until after 12 weeks.

kramsgirl's picture
Joined: 03/22/08
Posts: 81

Haven't really discussed it with dh yet but I'm thinking we'll tell family at Christmas and let other people know soon after that.

Log in or register to post comments