Ok, so someone asked me if I was having a big party for Hailey, what the theme was etc etc. I responded with, no, no party, no theme. Just us - me, hubby, Heather and the boys. So, they asked what kind of cake, I said, just one I make at home, with vanilla icing and a candle.
Well, if the person wasn't rude, and told me that I wasn't a very good mother, it's my kids FIRST birthday and she should have all the bells and whistles for her first bday. She needs hats, and balloons and a specially made cake, and all our family/friends over! She also said that my kids will now grow up and ask why they didn't have such a 'special day' and thin we didn't care about them or their birthday!!! :eek:
I tried to explain to her why we don't do that. First, NONE of my family live anywhere near me. Closest is 5 hours away, and my dad lives 3 provinces away, and the people I associate with the title of friend live x amount of hours away. Hubbys parents/family have never came to see them on their bdays, and haven't ever bought a gift. MIL calls the kids, but that's it, they don't even get a card.
As for the cake, when Christopher was born, things were tight. Hubby wasn't working and we were on the 'system'. It wasn't fun, and there just wasn't any work around. Next came his birthday which is right in the middle of the month - the 15th of November. Still on the system at that point, and it was just me, him and hubby, we decided to just buy the mix, some icing and a candle and wrap his gifts. There wasn't any point spending 30ish on a specialty cake with some character that he liked on it, plus as I said, being on the 'system', it didn't allow us to spend big amounts of money on things.
Then Cameron was born, his bday is the 23rd, which was fine, we could afford a fancy cake because child tax is in on the 20th of every month. However, we didn't feel right giving him a special cake when Christopher didn't. We didnt' want Christopher to grow up, look at the pics and ask why and blame favouritism etc, even though we knew as he got older he'd understand we just didn't have the money. So, to save such conversations, we decided that all our kids first birthdays, they would have a cake made from mix, with vanilla icing with a #1 candle on it.
I have now used the theory of, they are only 1, they have no clue why we're making big deals out of cake and gifts, and all the fancy hats, balloons etc. Now, don't take this the wrong way for those that have a theme and are doing all of that, I have no problem with it whatsoever, and trust me, if our situation was different and we had family that well, acted like family, I would have done the same. But sometimes I wish people would just take an answer and accept it for what it is and maybe understand that not everyone can afford this or that or half the store for their kid.
She's sharing her first birthday with the people that love and care for her the most and that should be the main thing that matters, not all the 'gadgets' that come with it. Being pregnant though, that person has now made me feel a bit bad because my kids didn't have a super special 1st bday in terms of what she said I should have. I'd also like to point out, that starting on their 2nd bdays, they get the fancy cakes and depending on what they like, they get the cake and gifts that match, thus having a bit of a 'theme'. As they get older they have parties with their friends, unless something else comes up.
I just think it was a horrible thing to say, and being pregnant, things like that don't sit lightly with me, I get offended easily and then I feel bad. Sigh.
Sorry for ranting, but I figured this was a good place to vent!