BFing your 2nd longer than your first... Would you feel bad?

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lysa_v's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 06/17/10
Posts: 268
BFing your 2nd longer than your first... Would you feel bad?

So I only breastfed Adrian for 2 months. And it wasnt even exclusively. I tried to get my supply up naturally by pumping & BFing more, I didnt want to take anything for it. But I just feel so bad that I couldnt exclusively BF. Sad I really wanted to, I was SO set on completely breastfeeding for at least 6 months, like I was so positive, but it just didnt work that way, and I feel terrible. But I just feel like I didnt KNOW enough about it to be good at it and keep my supply high enough for him to survive on... I am just sad that it didnt work out. And now I feel like I didnt try hard enough.

But here's my question... Now I am very determined to try even harder to BF my 2nd 3rd etc for longer, and now that I know how it works, I feel it will work out better. BUT, I kinda feel bad. Like I feel bad for thinking about BFing my next babies more than Adrian Sad Like it's not fair to him. What do you think? Has this happened to any of you? I'm just so stuck, I almost want to make it even and just bf for 2 months again! Even though thats just dumb.

mama4joy's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/18/10
Posts: 686

None of that is dumb. It is totally how you will feel about everything as a parent. Being a parent is the HARDEST THING EVER. Most rewarding too, but no less hard!!

I feel that way so much, and I remember worrying about it when I had Kela only too. I also worried about how having another baby would affect her, if it was fair to her, etc. This is just life...

I only BF Kela for 7 months, and only exclusively for a couple months. I only BF Cassie for 11 months, and exclusively for 3 months. I BF Faithy 16 months, 9 exclusively. I BF Raechel for 19 months, about 9 months exclusively.

I have now only BF Tanner exclusively for 3 weeks. And he is only 4 months and I worry he will stop BF before *I* am ready. Sad

Parenting stinks Blum 3

But I have found, that as long as you are doing your best and make sure your children feel the love you have for them, which can be difficult sometimes, even tho you don't think so... they thrive and are usually happy.... well, not happy maybe, but content at least.

Don't fret, just do your best, even if it means getting outside help from others! That is a good parent! And as long as you are a good parent, your children will appreciate you, even if it is only deep down Wink (I have teens you know, so all appreciation is deep down! LOL)

shiregirl's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 09/23/10
Posts: 390

It's not bad, it's great. A lot of parenting is about learning from the past and figuring out what to do differently next time. It doesn't mean you love Adrian less if you have another baby and are able to BF longer. Your entire parenting life is going to be filled with moments like these, learning curves. And Mommy Guilt is always present, and you have to learn to banish it as much as you can, or you will always feel like an awful mother. Having 2, I can tell you that there are many things I am doing differently this time, having learned from the first time around. So you could think of it as my first child being at a disadvantage, having been the guinea pig, so to speak. But she has a lot of advantages that my son won't. She got everyone's one-on-one to herself for many years before a sibling came along, something Sammy won't have. It's ok, it will all come out in the wash. Smile If you do have more children and you would like to breastfeed again, get a really good support system going. An online bf board can do wonders. I had a WONDERFUL online bf support group when I was nursing my daughter and it helped me more than I can convey to you.

Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 04/23/10
Posts: 304

Don't feel bad for not being able to exclusively breast feed. It's a lot harder than it's made out to be...I know I didn't think it would be as difficult as it was (and probably one of the reasons I stopped so quickly).

Even if you breast feed your next one longer, don't even think that it's not fair for Adrian. Honestly, as much as I support breast feeding and teaching women to do it, I think there's a lot of guilt given to women who can't or stop, which I think is wrong. Just because your baby is formula fed does NOT mean he'll be any less happy or healthy. Smile Love is all that matters in the end, whether or not your baby is fed from the boob or the bottle.

I guess I just feel that we women shouldn't be made to have such guilt for not being able to breast feed for the recommended 6 months. By the time he's a toddler and running around with the little ones, what will it matter if he was breast fed or not? Blum 3