Going from 1 to 2 kids...

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Marite13's picture
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Going from 1 to 2 kids...

I know there are a few of us in this transition with these LOs... and I know plenty of us have expressed some fear/anxiety about it.

So my question is- are you planning on doing anything special to make the transition easier on your LO?

Those of you who are on to baby #2, 3, 4 or more... did you do anything special to prepare your older kids for a younger sibling at any point?

I was thinking of getting my DD a new doll, and some baby stuff to go with it- so that when I am busy taking care of the new baby, she can also take care of her own baby (if no one else is there to distract her). I just asked my MIL to make a doll sling for her, so that she can wear her doll just like I will wear the new baby. DD has shown interest in dolls anyway- she rocks them and totes them around sometimes- so even if the "new baby" doll isn't as successful as I'd like, I'm sure she will play with it now and then anyway. I'm just wondering... would you give her the doll before, during, or after the birth of the actual baby?

RebeccaA'07's picture
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DD will be 3 in a month, so she's a little more aware of what is going on. We talk all the time about baby brother. She has expressed interest in helping and will randomly say that she wants to help feed him, change him, and rock him. She'll come up and want to "hug" or "kiss" him on my belly.

On the flip side, we're very attached to each other. I typically can't leave a room without her flipping out and running to find me. If I'm at the house, she refuses to let DH do anything for her. I have a feeling that once the baby is here, she might not be so excited once she realizes that he will take up quite a bit of my time.

The biggest thing we're trying to do is just keep her involved. I want her to feel like she has a true part in all of this. We'll be getting her a little gift from "baby brother" so that the first time she meets him, she'll get it. Probably just a book and a new baby, both of which she loves. Right now, she likes to take her babies for rides in their little carriage...she'll feed them...and last night she wanted me to help her burp them. I really hope she does well!

sometimes's picture
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I was thinking of the doll thing too.. DD has dolls and doesn't really play with them but maybe a special gift from little brother will help.. I was going to give it to her when he comes home.

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I have some gifts that are from the baby that we will give him when he comes to see us in the hospital. My son will be turning 4 in June and we talk about the baby all time. He is the only grand child so it has been all about him for almost 4 yrs plus my sister is also having a baby in July so it is going to be a big change for him. I talk about him giving the baby a pacifier or helping mommy change the diapers . The only thing that he is worried about is the baby drooling on his toys. I plan on working until I have this little one but am now thinking of taking a few days off before to have that time for just him and I before the baby comes.

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I'm doing the baby doll for my daughter. I even got little doll diapers for her new baby (she won't get any of this until she comes to the hospital to meet her new sister- then I'll pull out her new "baby"). I plan to get a little carseat, stroller and crib set for the baby doll and hopefully she feels super important. She expresses interest in the coming baby and even kisses my stomach (all her idea). but like Rebecca said, I think when Penny meets her new sister and realizes how little time I'll have to devote to just her, it will be trouble. Oh dear.

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Well, I'm going on #5 Smile

We've never done anything special, like dolls... Mind you, my girls do have dolls that they play with... Just not special "new sibling" dolls.

I would say the main thing is to talk about it. Not in a big formal manner or anything, just normal stuff. Talk about a baby in your tummy. Let her feel it kick if she can (or wants to). My kids frequently peek in my belly button and announce what the baby is doing ("the baby is playing toys!" "the baby looks like a walnut!" what???). They came along for prenatal appointment and listened to the heartbeat (this is more for the older kids).

Do any major transitions well in advance of your due date, like switching beds/rooms.

When the baby is born, let them be involved. Let her hold the baby, inspect the baby, pick clothes, "help" however they can. Don't push it, but don't keep the baby to yourself, if that makes any sense. My kids all "breastfed" various dolls and stuffies while I breastfed. It is good time to cuddle and read books. Or give the older kiddo a snack while you feed the baby.

We've never had any trouble with adjustments. It was a very natural transition and, personally, I think it goes best if you let it happen naturally.

Beni will be a great big sister!

Marite13's picture
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Thanks for all the responses everyone! I'm honestly not really sure where my DD is on the whole baby thing. She's only 23 mos (today!), and for a while there she would tell you that there was a baby in my belly if you asked her. But, all of a sudden last week, it was like she REALLY noticed my belly. And then she decided I was having a ball, not a baby. We've spent all week telling her there is a baby, not a ball, in my belly. Geez! And she came along to our 20 week ultrasound, and she's been to ALL of my prenatal appts... she's heard the heartbeat, seen the doctor measure my belly, etc... but still...

Now, I think things are about to get a bit ugly for her what with us going back to the States without daddy. I've told her that she and I are going on a plane and dad is staying here, but, I don't honestly think she gets it. I mean, a 2 year old doesn't have any sense of 9 weeks, you know?

Anyway, I do have some books waiting for her in the States- something about being a sister, and I think maybe one about preparing for baby, or something...she loves to read books, so hopefully she'll get into those and start thinking about it more.

I'm almost considering giving her her baby doll BEFORE the baby comes- along with the sling, diapers, etc- and letting her practice all that stuff ahead of time, so then she'll be ready to help with the baby. I have every intention of letting her help with stuff, of course.

Kris, it's good to hear from a BTDT mom, that you didn't have any issues. Smile Obviously, as a few of us mentioned...we're nervous! Smile

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Like Kris, we're adding #5. We've also never really had any issues adding another. The big siblings have always been eagerly awaiting the newbie and have adapted well.

We don't do anything special to prepare for a baby. We do talk about it and are open about it. We have a few books about new siblings and birth (since my kiddos have been at the births of their siblings, too, so we do prepare them for actual "birth" more than another baby.....lol.)
You'll want to carefully choose your books, since many talk about feeding babies bottles and pushing them in strollers and kind of miss the mark for about babies/baby care for my family.

We have a book called "We Have a Baby"-- and I like it bc it pictures the big sibling sitting with mom while she nurses the baby. And catalogues all of the things we do with a new baby (hold, bathe, feed, rock, etc.) And in the end it says "a baby to love."

We've never done a gift from baby for the bigs or gotten them anything special. Honestly, they have been as excited about a new sibling as we are and they just roll with it.

This is one of my favorite pictures from when Lexi was born. Lexi came quickly and the MW and Trey missed the birth (long story for a short birth!) But the kids were there. And my mom and my MIL were there. The MW arrived just about 10 minutes after the birth-- and our kids were there for her "newborn" assessment a few hours later. I love the look of love and concern and wonder on their faces.....I can't wait for them to meet this peanut, too.

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Audra, that is such a sweet picture. My oldest DD was not quite 4 when her little sister was born at home... She still talks about when the mw came and "clipped her heel" (the PKU test) Smile

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My daughter is 2yrs 4 months. She understands there is a baby in my tummy. She goes to all my appts (and I get ultrasounds at each one). She loves seeing baby brother on the screen. I say "Do you see his nose?" "DER HE IS! BABY BWUDDER!" lol She pats my tummy and all that.

I'm not really concerned about the transition. Of course there might be some jealousy when I can't immediately tend to her needs because of the baby. But she is very outgoing and independent. She is not attached to my hip at all. She will go to anyone (grandma, daddy, great uncle ray, great grandma, people she barely knows from church lol) and she plays on her own a lot.

She's been in a toddler bed for 8 months already. So I don't have to worry about that. They will share a room (but I'll keep baby in my room at first).

And she doesn't give a rats *** about baby dolls. She had 3 and she never played with any of them. She prefers Buzz, Woody, Bullseye, and her Lady & the Tramp dog, and Pocoyo haha. Maybe she will breastfeed Bullseye some day lol.

I guess I'm just not worried about it. It will all work out.