An update on our plans...

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Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368
An update on our plans...

I don't know if I told you all the crazy plans we have for going back to the States for this birth... but the first plan involved living in three different houses in 4 months, one of which was going to be the place where I would birth.

Well, DH and I have been talking and talking and talking and talking about all of this, and I've done a lot of thinking on my own too... and in the end we have decided that when I go home I'm just going to go straight to living with my dad and step-mom. This is going to be the easiest choice in a lot of ways- I'll be borrowing their (old, gas guzzling) truck while I'm there, so it will save me on gas in that I'll be closer to my midwife, most of my friends, a city full of parks, libraries, malls, restaurants, etc, my beloved La Leche League meeting and more. Also, just being in one place from March-August will obviously be much easier than moving between three different houses. The hard part about this arrangement is the actual living with my dad and step-mom. I get along much better in general with my mom and step-dad, but their house isn't an option (step-dad smokes in the house). I haven't lived with my dad since I was 6 years old, and I've always been kind of thankful for that- he's a great guy, we just often have different ideas about privacy, responsibility, and general running of a household. So, it'll be interesting getting my head in the right space to just enjoy this time, and appreciate it for what it's worth (saving money, a comfortable home, etc).

The other big thing that is changing (I'm waiting for word back from my midwife) is that I'm no longer planning a home birth, but planning on using the midwife's birthing center. I'm a little bummed, but feeling ok overall. The worst part will be the car ride again, but, we'll make it work. The two things I hated about the hospital were 1) I went from a nice quiet, dark room during labor to bright, loud, tons of people surrounding me and touching me and sticking monitors in my belly and hands up my vagina, etc, when DD was about to be born. I HATED that. I wanted to actually birth in the same space I had labored in, but I guess in the hospital, that might just be asking too much. I know the midwife won't do that whether she's at my house or the birth center. And the second thing I didn't like about the hospital was being cooped up there for two days afterward (they would only let me leave AMA). So I know if I birth at the birth center, I'll get to go home the same day. So even though I was hoping to avoid the driving while in labor, I know that the things that I was specifically looking to avoid with a homebirth, I will still get to avoid.

So that's what going on with us! It's only 63 days until DD and I head home! I'm pretty excited!! Smile

shroutbabymama85's picture
Joined: 11/08/11
Posts: 434

wow you really have it planned to a t. i can relate to the parent thing. i feel the same way. i get along with mine too but dont get me wrong i share different beliefs than they do to. they wanted me to stay with them for a week after i have jayden and i told them thank you but no. i wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything goes ok for you.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Yeah... thanks... living abroad comes with challenges! Birthing where we live (in Laos) isn't an option because it's not really safe. I could go to Thailand, but, then I'd be stuck living in hotels for however long before and after the birth and I feel I'd be fighting an even more "medical" medical system there... far from a home birth. So going "home" to have the baby is the best idea...but comes with its own challenges since I don't actually HAVE a home in the States (I haven't lived in the States in 8 years, and neither of my parents live in a home I ever lived in anymore). So yeah...things get complicated, and the need for planning arises! Believe me, if I had, or we could afford our own space, I would totally rent it/buy it/make it happen. Alas, it is not the case.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

yikes!! We are fortunate that our hospital has a birthing center in the hospital...you labor and birth in the same beautiful room and you recover there too...they really only intervene if its asked for or necessary but the care is there if you need it. It was really like being in a hotel room last time...they put the baby on my chest after Jacob was born....and left him there for HOURS...I nursed...they didnt fuss about doing the newborn screen that some hospitals fret over...it was just awesome!!! The only thing that was hard was because they wanted me to rest after the delivery...they didnt want me to leave after 24 hours...I agreed with them though...they figured Id be caring for all the other kids right away...and they wanted me to take it easy and have 2 days with Jacob....but that being said...he never left my side...and I loved that!! The room I was in even had a balcony...and the food was like food service....it was awesome! Im so glad you found a situation that works for you! Will your husband be there too?

shroutbabymama85's picture
Joined: 11/08/11
Posts: 434

well it sounds like you have things sorted out...a girl who works for me is pg too and told me yesterday she wouldn't be givng birth in the u.s. . i can't exactly remember where she is going but i do know she has muslim beliefs so i am kinda curious to see how her labor and delivery goes over. she said she wanted to do water birth, which this is her first too....like i said i'm curious on how this will go over. will your husband be there too?

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"mamato6" wrote:

yikes!! We are fortunate that our hospital has a birthing center in the hospital...you labor and birth in the same beautiful room and you recover there too...they really only intervene if its asked for or necessary but the care is there if you need it. It was really like being in a hotel room last time...they put the baby on my chest after Jacob was born....and left him there for HOURS...I nursed...they didnt fuss about doing the newborn screen that some hospitals fret over...it was just awesome!!! The only thing that was hard was because they wanted me to rest after the delivery...they didnt want me to leave after 24 hours...I agreed with them though...they figured Id be caring for all the other kids right away...and they wanted me to take it easy and have 2 days with Jacob....but that being said...he never left my side...and I loved that!! The room I was in even had a balcony...and the food was like food service....it was awesome! Im so glad you found a situation that works for you! Will your husband be there too?

Well, my hospital room was NOT like a hotel room, and the food SUCKED, but otherwise, I had all the rest of that. My birth was totally natural without a single intervention- not even an IV- but it was the whole, "Oh the baby is coming everyone rush in and make noise and blah blah blah...." I was doing FINE on my own before then, and I would have pushed her out without anyone turning the lights on too! DD never left my side once the entire time we were in the hospital- after she was born she literally went to my chest and then was just with me until... the whole time. Smile But, I just hated being in the hospital. I wasn't sick. I couldn't sleep nearly as well in their bed as I would have in my own. It was a PITA having to send DH for food, etc.

I guess a hotel-like hospital could make a difference... but, I just felt like a patient the whole time, and stuck in this little room, when I just wanted to take my kid and go home. In any case... I don't think I'll ever deliver in a hospital again, barring actual medical need.

Yes, my husband will come to the States in late May... I think the 26th? He's a teacher, so he will miss the last two weeks of school, but once he's back with us, he stays for the summer, and we all come back to Laos in August!

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

The whole lights, everyone coming into the room, getting set up...Im afraid that is part of the birthing experience at my hospital too. Maybe to avoid law suits? Maybe for the docs convenience? No idea why that is...but your right that is the way at hospitals...at least ones I have been to!

jubileerose's picture
Joined: 06/12/09
Posts: 549

I gave birth at a military hospital with my midwife attending me and delivering my daughter. It was marvelous! The room was dim for a restful environment and I didn't have to switch rooms or go anywhere after delivering. It was a lovely experience. But I have heard horror stories about hospitals all over. So you just have to know what you want and make it happen, for your birth. You sound like a planner! Good luck on all your travel plans and everything to get to the states.