I'm feeling down again. Ugh. I'd pay any amount of money to not feel this way.
DD has been a brute today. Purposely doing what she's told not to do and then laughing at me when I tell her she is making me sad. She refused to say thank you to hubby when he did 2 nice things for her and still expects a cookie. When we said no cookie she cried and carried on about it for HOURS.
On top of it all I've left the house twice in the last 2+ weeks. Once to go to the hospital and the second time to sneak out to the BBQ I went to. I'm feeling cabin fever. The worse part of it is that I don't even have the energy to do anything if I were allowed. I have an episiotomy. I have hemorrhoids. I have a cracked nipple. I have two aching breasts. I can't feel when I have to pee. Yesterday I developed a cough that makes me episiotomy hurt. I scream in pain when DS latches onto my left breast. The list goes on.
I really feel like I can't catch a break. I know this will pass...but today sucks.
I want to go have my bath in epsom salts but DS has been asleep so long that I know he'll wake the second I get in the tub...but if I wake him now he might not go to sleep and my bath might be totally out. Not like he can fit any of my massive nipples in his mouth anyways when he does wake.
Oh man, I hope tomorrow is a happier day.
hugs! Hang in there! I understand the cabin fever feeling and I've only been a week! DS is being a pain today too. (actually the last couple of days) and I had a horrible migraine this morning that did not help matters. at one point he was in trouble for something and immediately asked me if he could have gummy frogs. I told him no like 20 times and he contineud to ask. no episiotomy, hemroids or cracked nipples so I can't relate there.. I can say that my tear is driving me nuts, and my boobs are aching bc my body thinks Im still nursing when Im not. it hurts to walk/bend etc. and I think Im getting a sinus and/or ear infection... You aren't alone in feeling down. Keep your head up and tell yourself tomorrow will be better. That's what Im trying to do. How long before you are allowed to do stuff?
((hugs)). I'm sorry you are feeling down.
You have a lot to deal with right now and this isn't an easy time anyway. I've been grumpy and feeling a bit down myself. My DS1 has always been high maintenance and demanding of my attention. He has been difficult to deal with lately too. Completely ignoring me, doing exactly what I tell him not to just to be disobedient, and being just plain annoying on purpose. Like climbing and jumping around/on me while I'm feeding baby or pulling my hair band out of my hair. Anyway, it's hard and being down is totally understandable and completely crappy at the same time. I hope just talking about it here helps some. As you said, it will pass, but doesn't make it easy while you're there.
yeah, these first few weeks are hard. DD also does stuff and knows I can't get up to get her b/c I am feeding Asher.
What helped me was just getting outside in the yard. Can you just sit outside while DD plays on her playset? The sun does wonders.
Keep on top of your motrin/advil and even if you use a nipple shield for a few feedings it should help.
Do you have any friends that live close by that could stop in for a visit (ones that won't judge is the house is a mess and you look like you haven't slept in days)? Sometimes just having an adult to talk to can really help. I had a friend stop over for a few hours the other day, and that was really nice!! Granted, after all my kids (and her 1 and 3 year old) played for awhile, the house was a disaster, but there is always housework to be done. Thankfully, my older ones are "usually" very good about picking up now... and the younger ones "mostly" follow suit. It was just nice having my mind not "totally" on the kids for that time. Also, I agree, even if you can just get outside, I think that could do wonders for you. Yep, stay on top of the pain meds. Maybe you can sit down and sip a cup of tea while your dd naps? Too bad I don't live closer. I would come over with my 6 kids and crash your house!! My girls would occupy your dd for hours, and your head would be so busing spinning from all the "added activity." that you would forget about everything else! Oh, and yes, those 3 and 4 year olds can be definite button pushers... my 3 year old has definitely been pushing the limits lately!!
There's this expectation that the postpartum period should be sunshine and roses and all too often it's not. And then we feel guilty because things aren't perfect and we think they should be. That makes us feel worse and we get more down than we already were. Giving birth is like running a marathon without any previous training. It may be a natural bodily function but that doesn't mean it's easy on the body. I rember after Lucas was born, I felt great physically because his birth was so easy. Well, I tried to go for a walk when he was a week old. I made it two houses down from mine and almost fainted. Jon basically had to carry me home. Totally overdid it! We just have to accept that our bodies went through something crazy and respect ourselves enough to allow time to heal physically and emotionally. It's a lot to deal with. Your birth was far from easy, and that makes it all the harder. I think you should either plan to have hubby take you out of the house. Even if you just go sit in a different location instead of the couch. Change of scenery does a world of good. And invite people over. Being alone makes everything worse. It won't take away the physical pain but it will distract you from it. Hang in there. You are doing just fine. You know how strongly you felt about not putting yourself on a timetable for going into labor? Well, I believe the same about afterwards. There are no rules about when you should feel normal or better or when nursing should get easier or when you should have found a new routine and a new normal.
Today is a NEW day....let's start it happy!
We'll see what the toddler has planned. :P
We had quite a few visitors LAST week but now Marshall is old hat we haven't had so many. I guess I should plan some of my mom group friends to come over so K has someone to play with. I went to a baby group when K was little and have lots of friends with kids the same age still. The problem with that is if I'm having a down day I really don't want people coming over. Also, I'm not allowed to do any parenting with K so they will have to pretty much parent both kids.
My hubby works from home so I'm rarely truly 'alone'....but during the week I need to try really hard not to 'bug' him too much or he doesn't get anything done. He does accounting software programming like me and sometimes you need hours of un-interrupted thought time and getting constant texts from upstairs doesn't help.
My mom has been coming Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday mornings from about 9 until 2 (DD's nap time) to help with DD and allow for DH to work. Sometimes I wonder if she is more trouble than help. She's good at amusing DD but I almost need to be locked in my bedroom so I don't hear how she talks to DD and the stuff she lets her do. I get stressed listening to them and try not to interject but it's SO hard.
I guess part of the problem is I thought a vaginal birth would be an easier recovery. Stupid I guess. Hubby and I took K to the flippin' OLYMPICS when she was 3.5 weeks old...after a c-section! We had to take a 1.5 hour ferry, ride the bus in busy olympic traffic (everyone gave me a seat though...) then we went to a hockey game...wandered around town...took the bus back to the ferry...another 1.5 hour ferry ride back home. We did that TWICE! (we bought the hockey game tickets before I got my BFP and we weren't going to miss a once in a lifetime opportunity!) Ok, so I'm only 2 weeks out tomorrow but there is NO WAY I could do all of that right now! Will I really be that much better in 1.5 weeks? Like Rachelle said, I'm not sure I could even walk two houses down right now!!
I think I need to focus on the positive. I'm not up 5-6 times a night having to pee...in fact, I've lost the 'urge to pee' feeling completely. It's good for sleeping but just a wee bit concerning. :P I also can eat whatever I want...I've had zero indigestion since Mr. M came out. I had it a LOT before. Also, I can drink liquid on an empty stomach again without feeling gross. Oh, and rolling over in bed is easier...and....there must be more. :P
When I was in the hospital I thought I heard the midwife tell DH that I could do NOTHING for 2 weeks. Hubby says it was 3 weeks. I haven't argued it because his memory is probably better than mind and the bottom line is I have to wait for her to say it's ok. The midwife is coming today and 2 weeks is tomorrow so we'll see. I doubt I'll be suddenly allowed to do anything I want. That said, even if I were allowed I don't even have the energy! UGH!
I took DD out in the backyard for a bit yesterday but I was so tired I just laid on a blanket. LOL. Then I got weepy and came inside to go to bed.
LOL Laurie...yes, your brood would make my house seem calm and quiet... :P DD would LOVE your girls. Oh man, HOURS of fun. DH's sister came over with her 2 boys who are 9 and 6 the other day and they played for 2 hours!
DH's friend is having a BBQ today for Canada Day and we are invited. I'm hoping to sneak out for it. DH's friend is married to one of the special needs aides at K's daycare. K loves her so K will probably think it's funny going to her HOUSE. :P We haven't told K yet because the midwife is coming at 10 and we don't want her chattering on about mommy sneaking out. :P
I know I shouldn't put a timetable on myself...and I know that every day things are getting better...but it's still really hard. At least the sun is shining now. We have camping booked for 1 month from now so maybe I should focus on that...
Heyyy.. I went thru all that. MW said nothing for two weeks. I was miserable. And alone with baby. And in pain. I cried...and cried... and cried. When hubby came uome I'd feel so awful thatbl dinner wasn't ready that I'd cry again. But yes...in another week youll feel much better. I know you don't think so, but believe me...you will. When I hit two weeks and could drive, Just getting out helped a ton. Was I still in pain? Yes. But that third week was a lot of healing going on. (((((Hugs))) it'll get better!
I hope today has gone better for you!