MIL Rant

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Joined: 08/25/10
Posts: 385
MIL Rant

So we're planning a homebirth, and MIL really doesn't know anything about midwifery or homebirths. That's fine, except that she's taken to telling DH horror stories about births gone wrong - like emerg c/s because of wrapped cords etc (which my prev doc told me she delivered them more than once vaginally and safely, and even one that was wrapped around 4 times). Even one about a stillborn. Really? How does she not know the number one rule of what you don't tell pregnant people is telling them horror stories? And all for what? To scare us into a hospital birth? I'm happy for everyone to make their own decisions about what they feel is a comfortable birth for them - but I could get back with stats that the US has more hospital births than any other country in the world, and also one of the highest rates of infant mortality in first world countries. Ya - lots safer. But that doesn't matter, since me and DH are comfortable with a homebirth - and are actually really looking forward to it! DH didn't want to start something, but I made him say something since it was important to me that she know that it's completely inappropriate to a) tell horror stories without permission, and b) tell horror stories her own ignorant fears in attempt to scare us into changing our minds.

Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961

MILs are insane creatures.

Mine said that obviously now that we are having a baby, I'll have to give up home schooling. It's too hard to have three kids at home all day. Yes, because rushing kids back and forth to school all day with an infant would be so much easier??? I don't see it that way.

Ignore her and do what's right to you. Whether that's home birthing or home education, MILs can't see to grasp these "new fangled" ideas, even if the ideas are actually older than our MILs. Smile

akpufa's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

Sorry she doesn't support your decision and has decided this is the way to approach "changing your minds" or whatever. Keep in mind that most horror stories get blown way out of proportion! You need to make the best decision for you and put on blinders (earmuffs, etc) because not everyone is going to support it no matter what you choose. But wow she is really going at you guys Sad

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Lurking...
I'm the MIL...and I'm sorry you are having to put up with this. I do hope your DH comes to your defense a bit, because that is important too. A MIL needs to LISTEN and try only to give advice that is asked for. Besides, if she wants to spend time with her grandchildren, she'd better be on good terms with baby's parents! It is possible to be open minded and read up on what you aren't familiar with.

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

((((HUGS)))) I hate pregnancy/labor horror stories.. I don't care of their given by MIL, DH or some random person, you just don't tell pregnant people bad stories about other pregnant people.

Joined: 08/25/10
Posts: 385

DH is great. He doesn't like starting stuff, but I asked him to, so he did say something. And he took a proactive approach as well to explain to her a bit more about the massive amount of experience that midwives have, and that the goal obviously is to have a healthy delivery. I kept trying to get him to tell her that it's also MY delivery but he was trying to sugar coat a bit too much. He does like to come to his mom's defense a lot, he didn't like when I called her ignorant - but I think that's because people think ignorant means dumb rather than just lacking information.

I get quite a bit more *****y because I know that they pretend to listen but don't. Truth is I will always "let" them see their grandchildren - but they don't really put in much effort. They are busy and have other grandchildren, and unless we invite/beg or go to them, they don't make much effort to come visit. We are only 2 hours away. I haven't been travelling since being sick, so we're not going there - and I'm certainly not putting myself out right now. They haven't seen DD in over 2 months now - and they won't for another month until her birthday party. But it's really hard on DH since we see my family every day, and he desperately wants his parents to be involved with their granddaughter. I told him that he has to get over it, because they are in charge of how much they want vs. don't want.

What's annoying is that they say all this crap to him, but don't put in the effort. You can't have it both ways folks. You can't try to control my pregnancy but DH always has to be the one to call, and you never ask to come visit. Who wants to call up their mom to get blasted with fear mongering?

desertdaisy's picture
Joined: 07/17/09
Posts: 177

So sorry you are having to deal with this! ((Hugs)) This is our first and we were already seeing some "controlling" behavior coming from my MIL and GMIL over Christmas. Also, I saw my SIL going through it big time when my niece was born (she is 4 now) and it still continues today. DH and I had a sit down with them a couple of weeks ago and told them how we felt. I literally said, "I welcome your input because you two obviously have more experience than I do. However, when say something is going to be a certain way, that's it. I do not want a discussion. What we say, goes." I asked them if they understood and they said yes. I think I took them aback a bit but by the time the whole visit was over, they were thanking us for being so honest with them. It was a great day and a lot of stress was relieved. Are they going to be perfect? Probably not. But, at least we have laid the groundwork, openly and honestly, for taking corrective action later. Good luck, hon!!!

Joined: 03/07/05
Posts: 1595

Sorry you are having to deal with that. Sigh, everyone always has an opinion, and for some reason family thinks they can get away with just being plain old rude sometimes.

"PCCGirl813" wrote:

MILs are insane creatures.

Mine said that obviously now that we are having a baby, I'll have to give up home schooling. It's too hard to have three kids at home all day. Yes, because rushing kids back and forth to school all day with an infant would be so much easier??? I don't see it that way.

Ignore her and do what's right to you. Whether that's home birthing or home education, MILs can't see to grasp these "new fangled" ideas, even if the ideas are actually older than our MILs. Smile

Shoot, I guess I was suppose to give up homeschooling a long time ago then!! Wink

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