need to vent

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angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342
need to vent

i have a best friend that i've been friends with since freshman year of high school which was in 1995 so we've been friends for 17 years. she was one of my coaches when my DS was born. things just seem have been going south for us. she's been trying probably just as long as me and DH had been and also had a miscarriage so if anyone understood it was us. I knew what she was going through with infertility.... We got into a argument last week because she invited to go to a Halloween party on saturday and i told her i wanted to go but if i was pregnant i wont go since i cant drink and if AF shows that day i wont go either she gives me a huge attitude about it and pretty much saying that she would never ask me again and so forth...

so my best friend of 17 years knows i could be pregnant by saturday and hasnt texted or called me to ask if I indeed am pregnant. Im still kind of upset about with her regarding what happened
its like we are 2 strangers we're on facebook and she never likes or comments on any of my status messages or pictures but she does on everyone else. she talks to me like she talks to the girls that she hates at her job

Im feeling really stubborn right now and dont feel like i should call or text her that im pregnant, she knows i might be shouldnt she ask? like dam your my best friend of 17 years and know the struggles

Im sure my hormones are playing in my stubbornness

any insight or advice would help

batbird's picture
Joined: 08/29/06
Posts: 325

She might know you well enough to know that if AF has shown, she needs to stay clear of you and not comment for fear of you snapping off at her because of AF. Also, she might have thought that you would call her if you were pregnant. We've all had those akward moments where we have asked someone if they were pregnant only to get the "no," or "I'm just fat" response. Plus, after going through infertility and a mc, she might just not be emotionally into it right now.

angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342

she has pretty stopped asking since things have been going south. Not sure if she just doesnt want to know or what. There was a time i found out she had been ttc and it wasnt from her and it had been like 5 months i was pretty hurt that she didnt share that information with me know i was also TTC her excuse was she didnt want to upset me if she had gotten pregnant... um we are BFF i would be over the moon happy

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

:lurk: Just to throw my two cents in here - I have a friend whom I've been friends with for.. let's see. 10th grade..'til now..is... um.. 14 years! (that makes me feel old!) anyway, she has three kids and got pregnant with her fourth. She was due on the same day I'm due, but her baby never developed. Because of that, I have backed away from her. I don't have ANY kids and I've lost two, but I feel like with her losing this one that I'm not allowed to talk to her for some reason. But on the other side of that, I haven't heard from her either. So.. I know she probably *should* be happy for me, but since I'm pregnant and she's not, it's hard to be happy.

angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342

i know its hard and trust me i've seen alot of people get pregnant and i've know a little part of me is like really but with her i'd be happy just because she has been trying just as long as me and has no kids and this is something she has always wanted. so do i not say anything and wait for her to ask or do i just tell her

Joined: 05/04/09
Posts: 1316

Yeah it's a tough one. It could be you two are just drifting apart which sucks. I would reach out as nicely as possible and then the ball is in her court. If she doesn't respond or says something hurtful then you will know the friendship might not be meant to last forever.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I'd reach out. Mostly because that way you know one way or the other. Also, you'll feel better about yourself if you make the effort to make things better! Smile

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

I'd definitely tell her. But don't be surprised if jealousy rears its head. This will be #2 for you and still zero for her. I have another friend (it's actually the sister of the previous mentioned friend) who hasn't been able to conceive. I think she's too scared to go to the doctor because she doesn't want to find out bad news, but I know when her sister got pregnant with her fourth, I immediately got a phone call about how crappy it is that shes having four and the sister can't have any. Well, I say can't.. they just haven't been able too. I know deep down inside she was happy for her sister, but ... she was also extremely jealous and hurt. When I found out I was pregnant, I seriously didn't want to tell either one of them. One was already jealous of the other...and then the other found out the baby didn't develop. But I did.
And anyway, she's been your BFF for years and years and years. Don't let an argument come between you two and close your friendship. Do whats right and tell her - definitely take the higher road. Then the ball is in her court.

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

Oh man. What a terrible situation. Sad Personally I would probably wait for her to ask because I hate confrontation. Probably not the best advice. LOL

That being said I have a mom group friend who was TTC the same times as us this time. She had a m/c a few months ago at 10 weeks. Sad I knew we both weren't pg the cycle before my bfp but when I got my bfp I hadn't heard anything from her. I was so nervous to tell her because of her loss. I waited a week to tell her as to give her some time after AF would have arrived. I know how hard CD1 is. Anyways, I finally told her and it turns out she got a bfp too! So I guess it all worked out. Because she knew we were TTC I felt like it would be one of those weird relationship things if I just didn't tell her at all.

I guess your situation is a bit different due to the drifting apart. It's so hard. I've lost some long time friendships that way and it's rough. Sad

Babymaybe2's picture
Joined: 07/24/12
Posts: 518

I'm sorry she is treating you like that. I know it hurts. I don't have any advice but I wanted to say good luck with whatever you decide to do and :bigarmhug:

batbird's picture
Joined: 08/29/06
Posts: 325

"babywings1" wrote:

:lurk: Just to throw my two cents in here - I have a friend whom I've been friends with for.. let's see. 10th grade..'til now..is... um.. 14 years! (that makes me feel old!) anyway, she has three kids and got pregnant with her fourth. She was due on the same day I'm due, but her baby never developed. Because of that, I have backed away from her. I don't have ANY kids and I've lost two, but I feel like with her losing this one that I'm not allowed to talk to her for some reason. But on the other side of that, I haven't heard from her either. So.. I know she probably *should* be happy for me, but since I'm pregnant and she's not, it's hard to be happy.

With my first I had a friend like that from high school. She lost her baby about 16 weeks due to late term misscarriage because of a problem she has carrying pregnancies. It is hard. They are grieving, and you are rejoicing both with the same presituation going on. You hurt for them, they are happy for you. Just, slowly, start talking to her, etc. It will be hard for her to see you preg, so a lot of in person talking will need to wait till you are no longer showing. The friendship is still there, you just have to get through the akwardness.

angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342

well i ended up telling her, i texted her asking her how the dance went with hoping she'd ask if AF came but she didnt so i made a joke and said are you ready to see my lady parts again lol (she was one of my coaches for DS ) she texted back asking r u pregnant i said yes!!!!! she said congratulations and i mentioned the pills i had been taking and thats it the converstation was done. I told her and i feel good about it and i probably wont mention anything about it (how im feeling etc) unless she asks if she really cares on how im doing she's ask me if not then it is what it is

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I'm glad you told her. And like you said, she'll ask if it doesn't hurt too much. If it does she won't ask. I'm sure she's still happy for you, it just might hurt her too much to find out any details.

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

How did she seem? I'm glad you told her.

angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342

it was on a text since she had to work so its really hard to see her facial expression and her tone on a text. im sure i'll know more by her face when i see her on thursday. Like i said im not bringing up anything about this pregnancy unless she asks