When help isn't helpful

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961
When help isn't helpful

I'm sure we've all had some of this. Thought I'd start a thread about people trying to help during the pp days and actually making things worse. It's hard to vent to others because I know it sounds ungrateful but the reality is sometimes help is more stressful than doing it yourself.

My biggest example (though not from this week):
my mom offering to load/ unload the dishwasher so I can relax. Then asking me where every single dish goes. It was more work than telling her than getting up to do it!!!

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

OMG, my mom unloads our dishwasher to 'help' and it makes us nuts. She puts things in the wrong cupboard/drawers or worse yet, she stacks the clean dishes on the counter! How is that helpful? Then we don't know what's clean and what's dirty. The dishwasher is Hubby's job so he finally said something about it to my mom.

A non helpful thing she did the other day is compost some doughnut that she decided were stale. After she went home hubby was looking for them. Sad

My mom HAS done some helpful things like sweep the kitchen, clean the inside of the microwave, prune bushes out front. MIL even hung cloth diapers on the line for us the other day!

quonsetmom's picture
Joined: 10/10/12
Posts: 1559

Sounds stressful. Lately my too helpful moments are with dd1. Lol I'm sure u can imagine.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

I hope when I stopped by at Sandra's I was helpful... just took her a meal and held a sleeping baby for a bit until he woke up and wanted to eat.

Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961

Sometimes I just have to laugh about it all. I've had some great help too but some of it is just frustrating.

akpufa's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

I haven't really had anyone help out at my house. I'm a clean freak and my mom...well, isn't. My MIL I think doesn't want to overstep so she offered to take my kids to give me a break but my dad and stepmom took them the first week I was home so I haven't pawned them off much either. So yeah, pretty much all the help I've been offered is with watching my older two. My stepmom kept saying she would come stay with us and cook/clean so I could "rest" but having house guests is stressful for me so I never pushed the issue and it didn't happen.

I'm one of those people who enjoys my own space and feel the need to do things on my own (not always a good thing!) so I think mostly my family respects that and let's me do my thing.

Joined: 10/12/04
Posts: 961

Ashley I'm exactly the same way only my family insists in helping anyway which just stresses me out more.

MiL calls Monday. Here's the conversation.

Her: I'd love to come up and be a help to you. What day do you most need help?
Me: Friday. The photographer is coming and you could help the kids do school.
Her: I'm busy Friday.
Me: well Wednesday I'm supposed to be six places at once. If you could help me run the kids around town, that would be helpful.
Her: I'm busy Wednesday.
Me: ok. Well Thursday I really don't need help but you can come over if you want.
Her: well I would have to check my calendar but I doubt it would work.

At this point my head is almost exploding. She asked what day I needed help and shot down every day!!!!! What???????

so Tuesday afternoon I get a text that she is on her way!!!!!!!!!!

She didn't want to help whatever day I needed it. She wanted to visit on Tuesday. Why? Why pretend it was about helping me?????

Im still mad.

akpufa's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

Yikes! That is bad. If you want to visit, just say "Hey I want to stop by and see the kids" - don't fake offer to help!