When to tell siblings?

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PatienceW's picture
Joined: 08/06/08
Posts: 857
When to tell siblings?

We have been telling DS that if he wants a baby brohter or sister that he needs to start using potty ALL OF THE TIME. DH even told him at one point he'd bring the crib back down bc babies pee in their pants. Tonight DS came up to me and told me to go upstairs and get the crib down bc he wanted a baby brother and sister. and he told me he'd help bring it down. When is hte best time to tell the little ones? we are thinking of telling my parents/brothers next weekend bc we will need mom to watch DS on a day I'm off and I have no good excuse for why. AND we thought about telling DH's parents/ brothers the beginning of Nov (when the family is together. ) I don't want to tell DS and then ahve something happen, but at the same time once family knows he's going to hear it. I have no history of m/c and I do not think anyone in our family has had any, but I also know it can happen to anyone.

SO For those that are not 2nd times moms.... when is the best time to tell the little ones?

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

The best time to tell them is when you want everyone in the world to know! Honestly, toddlers can't keep a secret to save their lives! LOL.

DH has said things to K about 'babies pee in their pants' and stuff like that. I really don't like the 'shame them' sort of sound of that. I prefer to put the BIG KID spin on it...emphasize the positive, not the negative. Know what I mean?

It think it's cute that DS wants a baby. My DD has never even mentioned it or considered it to be possible I don't think. Some of her friends have siblings...but I guess she doesn't know she could too. LOL

LaurenE's picture
Joined: 06/19/10
Posts: 854

I think right before or right after you tell the rest of the world because, yes, they will tell everyone!!

Joined: 05/04/09
Posts: 1316

I dont' think ds has any concept of it. I've been talking to him about it for awhile but he doens't show any sign of understanding so idk

PatienceW's picture
Joined: 08/06/08
Posts: 857

There was a young girl at church that had a baby last year and she lieks to just dump her with the babies great gradnmother and disappear for weeks at at time (to go work in the strip club and party every night) so my broher and his girlfriend take the baby to give the great grandma a break. the last 2 times they brought him over DS asked to help change him. (and he keeps kissing my belly..maybe its intuition?)

Joined: 03/07/05
Posts: 1595

I remember with my first couple babies after the first, my other ones didn't really "get it" anyway. With the last couple I had, I waited until I was out of the first trimester (wanted to avoid dealing with losing a baby as much as possible), and I was ready for everyone else to know! Last time was pretty easy to keep it secret because I didn't even go to an appointment until I was 18 weeks along. My kids always go with me, so I just said, "let's see if there is a baby in mom's tummy." Of course the midwife got out the Doppler and we heard the heartbeat. It's going to be hard to keep it from the kids this time. My 8 year old is no dummy, and I'm already going in tomorrow to have blood drawn... They will NOT be going to the early ultrasound with me though.

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

Thats cute that he is asking for one! DS1 was to young to really know when I was pregnant with DS2, but now he is 4 and would know if I said I was pregnant so we are waiting to tell him until we want everyone else to know. He would be so excited he would go to school and tell everyone!!!

PatienceW's picture
Joined: 08/06/08
Posts: 857

"blondiess4u" wrote:

Thats cute that he is asking for one! DS1 was to young to really know when I was pregnant with DS2, but now he is 4 and would know if I said I was pregnant so we are waiting to tell him until we want everyone else to know. He would be so excited he would go to school and tell everyone!!!

The problem is he's asking for TWO!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

Ds1 had just turned 2 when I got pregnant with DS2. I told him right away because he liked to come running up and jumoing on my lap when I was playing on the floor with him and just explained that there was a baby in there and that he just needed to be careful with my belly. When I got prego with Dd (#3) Ds1 was 3.5 and Ds2 was 9 months old. Ds2 didnt get it, and Ds1 was juat like been there done that. He did tell me that it was a girl and that she would be our princess. And he was right Smile This time Ds1 was 5, Ds2 just turned 3, and DD was almost 20 months old when I found out. Dd didnt quite get it, but gave my belly kisses every now and then from the beggining. We did explain to the boys that there is a baby in my belly, and that we were waitibg to tell people, so it was our secret. I also talked with them about how some babies are meant to be here with us, and some are meant to go to heaven to live with god that. We were waiting to tell people till we knew where this baby was meant to be.

Momma Leah's picture
Joined: 05/13/12
Posts: 1047

I got pregnant with DD right before DS 1st birthday, I don't even remember telling him. I'm sure that once my tummy started growing, we probably just told him that there is a baby growing in mommy's tummy. DH asked me last night when we would tell them this time. They have both been asking about babies (they want me to have one boy and one girl, so they can each have a baby!). We will probable tell them right before we tell everyone else. For them May or June seems like a lifetime away, so the longer we can put it off, the fewer times we have to hear, "when will the baby be here?".

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

I love all these stories about older siblings! SO cute!

One of my daughter's daycare 'teachers' told me last month that they once found out a mom was pregnant because the child told them one day. LOL. Kids don't keep secrets very well!

StarShine65712's picture
Joined: 08/15/09
Posts: 337

We told Bella as soon as we found out. She knows the baby is in my tummy and when I ask her if the baby is a boy or a girl she says girl!!!!!!!! Lol!! I don't think she totally understands but she's getting there.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

we've talked about it in front of the kids but so far they haven't seemed to pick up on it. I'm going to emphasize it once I'm through the first trimester and I'm okay with the entire world knowing!

akpufa's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 3078

I agree with PP...don't tell him until you are ready for everyone to know. We didn't really talk to my DD about it when I was pg with my 2nd until I was pretty obviously showing (although people had made comments to her about being a big sister) but she was 14 months when I got pg again so she didn't understand or care. Even at almost 2, she didn't grasp the concept of a baby in my belly and could care less 95% of the time. This time she's 3 and much more capable of understanding and TELLING everyone so we'll wait until the 2nd tri to talk to her about it when we're okay with her telling everyone she sees.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3014

**loss ment**

I don't want to be a downer or anything, but I thought I should share some of my experience.

when I got pregnant with my second DS1 was only 12m, so he had no clue. With my third pregnancy, DS1 was 2 1/2 and we told him around 6 weeks when the m/s hit (DS2 had no clue). He was really excited and asked for twin sisters. He got one brother.

This summer, in early June, my sister got pregnant. She told at 6 weeks and we told the boys. They were over the moon because they don't have any cousins yet and love babies. 2 days later, she ended up having surgery for a ruptured ectopic. DS2 handled it okay, but DS1 cried and insisted for a long time that he was still getting a baby cousin. So, when I got pregnant a couple weeks later we decided to wait until after the first u/s. It was hard. I wanted to tell them so badly, especially when the hyperemesis hit. But, when that ultrasound showed an empty sac I was very glad we hadn't. It was hard not to tell, but not as hard as it would have been to have to tell them again that there wasn't actually any baby.

Obviously, I hope everything goes well for you, but you might as well be cautious. He'll still be super excited whenever you tell him.