Bedtime Help!!

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Joined: 05/03/06
Posts: 84
Bedtime Help!!

Somehow my kids have gotten in the habit of sleeping in my bed. It probably started when one or both of them were sick so we let them fall asleep in there. Then we would put them in their own beds. Now that DH & I are separeted and he no longer lives there, they are in my bed every night. I put them in my room with the tv on, they fall asleep and I carry them to their rooms. Over the course of the night, they both always make their way back to my room. I have a king size bed but they feel the need to be right on top of me or have their feet in my back. I used to be able to keep Leah in her crib but she now has a daybed since learning to climb out of the crib. How am I supposed to get these two back in their rooms?

efresch's picture
Joined: 03/22/12
Posts: 8

I am having a similar issue.. my fiance lives in the UK and he went home in November to get ready for going back to University.. but ever since he has left.. Pagan has not left my bed.. I have a queen and like your girls, she seems to have to sleep on top of me or so it seems. I have tried to move her back to her bed but if she wakes up in transition I might as well turn around and go back to my bed because she will have nothing of sleeping in her own bed. She even claims there are monsters in her room (I assume that had to do with the guy down the hall slamming doors) but now I am wondering because at story time she will tell me the monsters made her "daddy" go away. She will play in her room but not sleep.

I have asked her NP and she said its normal for a child to want to be where they feel safe(with mommy) when big changes happen and they will eventually transition back as they get more comfortable with the situation. With your ex no longer in the house, that is a big change for them and sleeping in your bed may be their way to feel like they are safe and you are not leaving either. I would suggest to just reassure them you will be there in the morning when you try to get them back in their bed.. and they will probably come in your bed in the middle of the night, but if you wake up and put them back and be persistent with it, then they will get use to the situation.

When Pagan came home from foster care last year she slept in my bed, when my fiance moved over for a few months we worked on transitioning her to her room.. we ended up having to lay on her floor next to her bed.. one of us or both of us.. and when she was asleep in her own bed, we would sneak out and she was fine till she woke up in the morning and charged into our room and jumped on daddy... I don't think he misses that part now he is back in the UK...lol But when he left, she came back to my room.. and since then life has been throwing us many big issues so I am not too concerned with her going back to her own bed right now.. when she is ready she will.. (we will be moving to the UK hopefully by the fall so either way she will be in her own big girl (not toddler) bed then, so no more mommy's bed when we move.. lol

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

Does it bother you that they fall asleep in there, or that they crawl back in during the middle of the night? Would you be willing to put a child "lock" on their door or yours so they can't come in during the night? I do think the PP has very valid points about the change with the divorce triggering their need to be close to you. Maybe you just need to wait a bit before trying to move them out? Sorry I'm not much help!

Joined: 05/03/06
Posts: 84

I tried to sit with the little one in her room, read and book and rub her back but when i was done she turned and said "I sleep with mommy"...lol I really don't mind that they sleep with me too much. Them being in my back drives me crazy though. Plus they have these beautiful rooms we made for them. I just have to be more persitant I suppose. I give in to them all the time because they are so pitiful and I love them. I supposed sooner or later they will be in their own rooms again. DH can't stand that they aren not in their own beds. At his house Gianna falls alseep in his bed and he carries her to her room, like I do. Leah doesn't have a room there so she sleeps with him. You're right, i think they just want to be close with us. I will keep trying and keep assuring them how loved they are and neither one of us would ever leave them.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I totally agree with everything Mel said. When there's been so much turmoil I really don't see anything wrong with altering the normal course for a while. Plus, you sound like you know exactly the reasons why you're cosleeping right now.

If you get to a point, whenever that may be, that you're wanting them out of your bed, could you possibly ease the transition by setting up their beds (or at least mattresses) in your room? That way you're together but mama doesn't have little elbows and toes digging in your back all night long. Wink

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

Love Lisa's idea of mattress on the floor as a transition when you decide they are ready. One last idea - what about laying with them in their beds until they fall asleep?

kristycoulter1's picture
Joined: 05/20/08
Posts: 625

"tink9702" wrote:

Love Lisa's idea of mattress on the floor as a transition when you decide they are ready. One last idea - what about laying with them in their beds until they fall asleep?

I like this idea for now + lock on door. My guess is that it will be a hard (and heartbreaking) habit to break. My MIL warned me very early on not to let kids get into that habit. For that reason, I always go to her bed if she's sick, instead of letting her come into mine. Not quite as comfortable, but guess it's better in the long run.

Joined: 05/03/06
Posts: 84

I always said "I"m not gonna let them sleep in my bed"....haha. I guess I just feel like its not "normal" for them to sleep in my bed. I will let them do it for awhile because 1. things are still new and 2. they are getting the rest they need. Putting the mattress may just have to be a way to start. I would love to lay with them when they go to bed but they are in different rooms and go to bed roughly around the same time. Leah has been staying up later, that kid does not want to sleep.