Thread: Been gone awhile but have a question....

I have been gone from the boards since I had Ben... between a rough start, lack of time, going abck to work, moving, etc and a computer that had all of my log ins saved dying... I gave up on the boards. BUT now I got smart again and am back ! AND I have a kid that can, knows how, but WONT potty train. We did really well til he want to the mil's and she changed our reward system (despite a full out detailed written page) and now he REFUSES. we can maybe get him to go once a week. We had to cancel sending him to a 3 yr old prek type program bc he isn't potty trained. We wnat to start thinkng of a sibling, but I wanted to try and have him potty trained first. any suggestions for when they refuse? My mom said to just every 20 mins take him and put him on the potty. problem is when I try to do that he kicks screams and hits. help? (I want to try to get back to the boards more often.. forgive me for disappearing for 3 yrs!)

and I totally need to change all that info on my signature. since Ben is 3..

Hi!

My best advice is to stop PT for two weeks. then try again and let him do all the leading - let him choose which underwear to wear, when to go, what reward he wants (within reason of course). Let him be in charge but give yourselves a break first! Good luck!

Something happened with grandma that caused him to back pedal

It really sounds like you are not dealing with potty training itself, you are dealing with a battle of wills. This is something HE can control, completely, and so he does.

When you get to the battle of wills, you need to pick a sticking point and stick to it. It's important for parents to win the battle (we need pick our battles wisely, but generally when kids test we need to not back down). It's also important for kids to be in control themselves, or at least feel that they are.

For Mia, there was a day I knew she drank no less than 3 glasses of water (30oz at least) and hadn't went in more than three hours. I chose to make her sit until she went. After 15 min of SCREAMING, she peed. I didn't react other than to make her sit there. From that point on it was less a battle of wills. Most of the time when I asked her to try, she would. A big thing for her was pausing what was going on. If she felt like she was going to miss something, she wouldn't go potty... then she'd have an accident.

I don't remember much fighting with Elly. She was easier than Mia, though the pause thing applied.

Ana was worse because her will was stronger. She was a hide to poop kid. >< Drove me NUTZ. If you can run to the other end of the house to poop your pants, you most certainly could have got to the bathroom! It's hard because the thing that will set you back most is scolding them for an accident, but when you KNOW it was willful, it is so hard to not react.

I could not figure her out. We praised (intermittently) with chocolate, stickers, hugs, dancing, and "big girl" things. We tried ignored the accidents with not much more than a "uh-oh better luck next time" to shaming her a bit with "Awwww Ana. You are a BIG girl and big girls don't hide to poop!" We stopped for a week or so, then tried again... a couple times. She came around with peeing pretty quickly, but not with the pooping. Then for Christmas she got My Little Pony underwear and did NOT want to poop on Twilight Sparkle. Not that she didn't have accidents, and not that she still doesn't have accidents on occasion, but she TRIES to not have accidents. If I had known the best motivator for her would be My Little Pony panties, I would have bought them MONTHS earlier! (To this day she must poop in peace though. NO ONE is allowed near the bathroom when she goes. She's even demanded that I wait OUTSIDE on occasion, lol. As funny as it is, we respect that and let her have her privacy - within reason. Mom does not leave her inside alone to her own devices.)

Overnight is a different story. The twins were almost 4 before I stopped putting them in overnight pullups (I always gave them the choice and let them wear panties when they asked to, even though I KNEW it meant laundry in the morning). Ana stopped wearing diapers to bed all together soon after the twins did just a couple months back. For overnights every morning they were dry they got a sticker for the calendar AND a couple to play with. They were told when they had stickers on most days, they could get big girl beds. Not sure if really worked (hard to willing wet or not wet the bed while you sleep) but they liked it. It was nice seeing the months pass with little stickers to ones crammed with them too

The biggest helpers are being consistent, finding an intermittent positive reward system that works for your child and doing your best to not scold when there is an accident... even when it's willful (oh and do away with diapers/pullups). I agree with giving it a break for a couple weeks, then trying to let him control parts of the process. Sounds like you could both use the break~

Thanks lina It is def aBattle of wills. Mil changed things upon us and I think he thought we'd change rewards if he refused( like mom mom did). And we don't ( unless he wants a jellybean instead of an mm etc but mainly it's the same) he does get jealous if someone uses "his" bathroom ESP another kid.....and he immediately needs to use potty so he can and will when he wants. We are in Mexico right now and he's with mo mom. And she's supposed to be working w him maybe it will fix itself since that's where it went wrong.......if not we will take a break when we get home