BTDT - Aggression from LO towards unborn baby?

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ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707
BTDT - Aggression from LO towards unborn baby?

Did anyone find that their LO's were aggressive towards the baby before it was born?

Hayleigh has started to hit my belly. And when we ask her if she wants to be a big sister she says "no, baby"

Should I be concerned?

April777's picture
Joined: 10/01/08
Posts: 579

Don't worry too much. This will pass. Zoey did not like the idea of a baby. And she sort of hated Milo until he was about 4 weeks old. She's better with him now and mostly just ignores him. But she isn't all lovey dovey with him by any means.

What we did was just to stop focusing on the pregnancy and to focus all of our attention on her. And when Milo was born, we had to focus as much attention on her as possible, but it was hard on her. She was very upset at first. It was heartbreaking. It didn't last too long though. She became a major Daddy's girl and currently prefers him over me when given a choice. It makes me a bit sad, but she's very happy with her Daddy.

Hang in there mama.

How are you feeling?

mrsgpannther's picture
Joined: 05/03/08
Posts: 23

Since Tyler was 3 turning 4 when I was pg with McKenzie, I really didn't have many issues with him. Occasionally he would yell at my stomach and tell her she was being bad for making me so uncomfortable, and that he would give her a time-out when she was born...but that was the extent of it. I would go to the store, and buy her a baby doll that is as close to a real live baby as possible. Ask her to care for "her" baby like you will have to care for the new LO. Maybe tell her it's a practice baby, and it will magically turn into a real baby if she is gentle enough. LOL
I wouldn't worry too much...like April said, it will just take some time.

kristycoulter1's picture
Joined: 05/20/08
Posts: 625

No experience here... but DH read somewhere that bringing home a second baby is like your husband bringing home a 2nd wife and telling you "don't worry, it doesn't mean I love you any less." I think it's difficult for them. Especially at this age. But I'm sure they'll grow to love eath other!

LittleMama07's picture
Joined: 03/09/08
Posts: 165

Oh yeah. When I was preggo with Addie, Gavyn would waller all over my belly. She'd get mad & start kicking him - I always joked that there was sibling rivalry before she was ever born. Before Livi was born, both kids got rough with me. Gavyn would head butt my belly & Addie would try to jump on it. However, they both did great. Gavyn has loved on both the girls after they were born & both of the older kids love Livi. That's not to say that they don't get too rough with her (& trust me, they know better!) or that they don't occasionally get mad & yell at her when she's crying.
It will be ok. Hayleigh will adjust. They just need to know that they are still just as important to you as ever. Addie went through a bit of an adjustment period similar to April's Zoey - but now she wants to help with the baby all she can! Smile :goodluck:

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

Thanks ladies!

It is so funny, after the obvious aggression last week, Hayleigh has been so cute this week. She asks me if I am okay (Copying DH I am sure), rubbing my belly and has now started kissing it. Why the switch, I don't know. I have been asking her what they baby is and she doesn't give a straight answer (boy one time, girl another) BUT when I ask her when the baby is coming, she says 2 weeks :eek:. Where she came up with 2 weeks, I have no idea but I hope it is not true!

April - As for how I am feeling (thank you for asking), I am feeling pretty good. I was admitted to the hospital at 28 weeks for bleeding and contractions but it turns out I have a slightly detached placenta and a cervical polyp - neither of which is any cause for concern at this point. It is definately not as fun the second time and I am struggling with gaining the weight (I feel huge). The heat is also no fun. Complain, complain Smile Seriously, I have it easy though...

April777's picture
Joined: 10/01/08
Posts: 579

Bleeding and contractions sound really scary! Sad

Be careful about that detached placenta. Do they have you on any restrictions?

Zoey did that too where she would go back and forth, sometimes being okay with it and other times not. It's definitely confusing to know what's going on in their little heads. Hopefully she adjusts well. It's funny that after 2 months Zoey still doesn't really "love" her brother. He's not as much of a threat as he used to be in her eyes, but you can tell she's wouldn't be unhappy if he left. At DH's parents house, we told her it was time to leave and she got all happy and yelled, "Bye Milo! Stay Grandma's House!" Smile

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

"April777" wrote:

Be careful about that detached placenta. Do they have you on any restrictions?

No restrictions (I have been riding my bike and golfing :)), they just told me to have a really low tolerance for anything unusual. They bumped me up to weekly appointments for a few weeks but I am now back to biweekly.

I have not had any bleeding since the 26th of June so I think I have nothing to worry about. I actually can't wait to see the detachment on the placenta when the baby is born!

"April777" wrote:

"Bye Milo! Stay Grandma's House!" Smile

Adorable!!!

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Oh wow... Sean was too young to understand what was going on when I was pregnant, I think. He didn't even notice I was pregnant until the last couple weeks, and then he just wanted to use my belly as a pillow all the time, lol. We've been lucky in this department, even since the baby has been here, he has always been sooo affectionate towards him... Always hugs and kisses. He's sometimes not as gentle as he should be, and tries to pick him up and stuff, but that's all just him not realizing his own strength... Thankfully, he hasn't been aggressive with him at all.

The placenta and bleeding sound scary... I hope it's all under control for the rest of the pregnancy!