Changing in front of LO's

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ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707
Changing in front of LO's

When are our LO's too old to see you naked?

Hayleigh understands my body parts (she hasn't asked about DH's thank goodness) and has started to draw attention to them. She comments on my boobs and butt. It is starting to make me feel self concious. Now that she has some awareness, should I keep more covered up?

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Oh man, great question. I don't know the answer. But with BFing Cal, Sean has become very accustomed to seeing my boobs. He'll point and say "Boo", he leaves the B off the end, haha. And I've been mostly pumping again with all the BFing troubles we have, so Sean knows exactly where milk comes from now. When I grab my pump supplies, he'll say "milk". He has actually grabbed them and held them up to his own chest, hahaha. He likes to watch the milk go into the little bottles sometimes. I don't really know if it's appropriate or inappropriate, but I don't mind his first lessons about boobs being in the context of their physiology/feeding a baby, as opposed to the over-sexualized impression he's eventually going to get from the likes of Victoria's Secret commercials, etc. :dontknow:

April777's picture
Joined: 10/01/08
Posts: 579

I think when it makes you uncomfortable, it's time to end it. I see no issue with it whatsoever until one party feels strangely about it, and our LOs probably won't feel strange for years and years to come.

Zoey discovered her nipples the other day and is now obsessed with mine. I don't so much mind except that the only time she sees them is when I take a bath in the morning (she plays in the bathroom while I bathe or shower) and if I'm in the bathtub, she wants to touch them. That's a little too much for me, so I discourage it. But otherwise I don't mind that she sees me. When it does bother me, that's around the time I'll stop and start being more private.

I don't know if that's the right response, but that's what I'm doing for now.

DunyaWolf's picture
Joined: 07/25/08
Posts: 223

Lol thats funny because I was wondering this earlier. I had taken a bath and was out and drying off and Kieran came barging in (DH let him :rolleyes: ). He kind of smiled/laughed that I was taking a bath like he does. Then he pointed to my pubic hair and made a questioning noise (he doesn't talk exactly, but he was essentially asking what that was). I kind of laughed and said that adults have hair. But it made me wonder how old is too old for them to see stuff like that.

He sees my boobs all the time since I'm BFing Rowan, but to me that's different. Kind of like MAry said, its the context of you're feeding a baby, so he gets to learn that is how its done.

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

Here's my $0.02. As a preface, I'm very conservative about modesty in general. When I leave the house I never show cleavage or anything past my knees. That's as much as DH had seen of me before we got married. The shirt I'm wearing in my signature pic is probably the most revealing shirt I have that I wear out of the house. And I come from an even more conservative family.

But I remember seeing my mom in underwear every now and then all through my life. It just never became a big deal. It wasn't like she paraded through the house wearing nothing, but if I saw her changing in her room it wasn't something that we got embarrassed about. The older I got the rarer it became, but never something shameful.

Now with my dad, I vaguely remember seeing him in his underwear once. When I was very young. I do not remember ever seeing him less than fully clothed at any other point in my life except for one time we went swimming and he wore a swim suit (my dad hates the water).

A and I take baths together. My mom never did this with me, but she remembers her mom doing it until she was about 9 or so. DH remembers showering with his dad up until about the same age. A comes into the bathroom with me, and she often runs a rather embarrassing commentary: "Mama, look, hair!" or several days a month, "Poor Mama! Blood!" But so long as we aren't in public, it's no big deal. Mom says that the reason I PTd so early was because she was pregnant with my sister and she was taking me to the bathroom every time she had to pee, so she probably got some of the same. I really don't know how you avoid the potty stuff with a child who isn't PTd yet, and that sort of requires some girl parts to be showing. And the other half of me, well, A's obviously very familiar with my breasts :rolleyes:

As for DH, he's more open within the family than my dad was. He tries to cover the more "sensitive" areas when she's around, but he's usually walking around the house without a shirt (I *seriously* only have two memories of my dad without a shirt - the one really early memory, and one of him in a swimsuit) and often he's just wearing boxers. If A were a boy, I think the roles would be reversed a bit. DH would certainly be the one giving the baths. BUT, you have to consider that as a SAHM I sort of have to leave a lot open. I need to take her in the bathroom with me so that she's not turning on the stove while I'm pooping, for example, and that throws a bit of modesty out the window right there. And that would be OK for now, even if she were a boy.

So that's my opinion. I think this is largely a personal issue, so the advice given above is good - if one of you is uncomfortable you should protect that. But I wanted to give the perspective of someone who comes from a family where modesty was very important. And it is very important to me and DH, too. But just not so much between family members, especially when they're so young and when it's the same sex. (And now you can all laugh at how weird our family is! Wink )

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Harmony - Speaking of the shirt in your siggy pic, is it a nursing top? I have a nursing top that is the same color and has sleeves just like that one.

ETA: Sorry, that was incredibly OT. But I had to check out your shirt since you mentioned it, and then it looked familiar! Wink

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

"marymoonu" wrote:

Harmony - Speaking of the shirt in your siggy pic, is it a nursing top? I have a nursing top that is the same color and has sleeves just like that one.

ETA: Sorry, that was incredibly OT. But I had to check out your shirt since you mentioned it, and then it looked familiar! Wink

Yep, it's a nursing top - we probably have the same one! My mom bought it for me when A was first born. I was completely shocked, because it's considerably lower-cut than I was allowed to wear back when I lived at home. And my Mom bought it! Wink

ETA - Come to think of it, she might not have meant for me to leave the house wearing it, lol. Oh well. It's really not that immodest. DH gets the final say, and he said it was fine. Smile

babyJtime's picture
Joined: 05/23/05
Posts: 682

I would agree that when it gets uncomfortable then it needs to change too! We don't want our LOs to feel embarrassed by our bodies or sense that we're embarrassed either!

Every day when I shower, Maria plays upstairs and when she hears me switch the shower off, she runs and passes me my towel. She then passes me each piece of clothing so I can get dressed. Her funniest thing right now is when I put my bra on she says, quite seriously, "Mama away!" and she even does a hand gesture too, like she's pushing something out of the way!

Both my girls see my DH naked when he's having a bath but all seems to be fine there really.

Girlandi's picture
Joined: 10/29/07
Posts: 49

I frequently saw my mother in her underwear, and she never had issues using the toilet in front of me (though I certainly did). My dad would go about without a shirt, but almost always in pj pants every morning. I think it depends on each family. DH's family is very relaxed about nudity, to the point that I have seen all of my in-laws in varying states of undress, or even nude :confused: It makes me very uncomfortable, but they don't even see it as an issue.

I think it's a combination of things. When you start to feel uncomfortable, and when your child starts to feel uncomfortable. My mother would burst into the bathroom while I was bathing at least until I was 13, and not even think twice, though I was so uncomfortable I'll draw into a ball to try and hide, where as she didn't think twice about using the toilet in front of someone.

I don't think it's good to make it obvious though. If we suddenly start acting as though it's wrong to see someone naked it may cause issues later on, such as shame at their own bodies, or embarrassment in front of others. In addition, they may not understand why it isn't right to see us naked or in our underwear, but we can see them naked when we give them a bath, or PT them. When the girls ask questions, I try to answer them, because it is stuff they'll need to know as they get older. Adults have hair, women have menstrual cycles, etc. I guess in our house, we haven't started doing much, aside from DH trying to at least have his underwear on before the girls come dashing through a door (we can't latch doors because the house has shifted enough that nothing lines up). They still see us both changing, and see me in the bathroom all the time. When they start to feel uncomfortable we'll stop, or if we start to feel uncomfortable we'll quit.

LittleMama07's picture
Joined: 03/09/08
Posts: 165

I agree with PPs - I think it all depends on when you/the child feels uncomfortable. Both of my kids see me naked all the time - there's no such thing as an 'alone' shower for mama in my house. :rolleyes: DS doesn't really say much (he's delayed) & DD has a constant running commentary on EVERYTHING. It doesn't even phase me anymore, honestly. Now if one of them tries to poke me or touch a 'sensitive' area, then I'll stop them. Otherwise, whatever.:rolleyes:

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

"Girlandi" wrote:

DH's family is very relaxed about nudity, to the point that I have seen all of my in-laws in varying states of undress, or even nude :confused: It makes me very uncomfortable, but they don't even see it as an issue.

Oh I'm glad mine aren't that way... I think it would creep me out, hahhaa. Wink

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I agree with the approach of the situation only needs to be changed if someone is uncomfortable with it. All the kids have seen DH and I naked lots of times. I've only just started to feel uncomfortable with the boys seeing me undressed, although I'm not sure why. I used to just walk naked into their room after a shower to rouse them out of bed, but now I make sure I'm dressed first.

Victoria is very curious about what the boys have that she doesn't. When she sees them naked, usually at shower or bath time, she will grab at their penises. We are working on teaching her that she shouldn't do that.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

We don't care if the kids see us naked. There's no such thing as privacy in our house anyway. Someone's always barging into the bathroom when I'm having a bath or going pee, or into the bedroom while I'm dressing. Doesn't bother me. I suppose if and when the kids get uncomfortable about it we'll put more effort into covering up at specific times. But I don't see that happening soon. DD absolutely LOVES to be naked. Going potty is her excuse to strip down completely. I am forever telling her to put her clothes back on after going to the bathroom, because we don't eat dinner naked. :rolleyes:

Joined: 11/14/08
Posts: 49

We're also in the brand-new-baby-breastfeeding club, so DS sees my boobs a lot. When he sees them he says "booboos! baby eat! milk!"
The other day in the grocery store, however, he started pointing at my sister's chest and saying 'booboos!' so I'm trying to teach some boundaries. He's already having a little trouble with jealousy over Riley, though, so I'm trying to think of a way to phrase it so that it doesn't sound like "Riley can touch them, but you can't!"

DS also comes in and see me in the shower all the time. Especially with the baby...it's hard to find time to shower, so he's usually awake and wandering in and out while I shower. He thinks all hair is yucky, so he will point to our pubic areas and say "ick!" and make a face. I'm starting to think it's time to not let him see us shower.
I don't really have a problem with it, but DS is like DH and will have no filter on his mouth..and I can just imagine the embarrassing things he'll start telling strangers as soon as his language improves.

Girlandi's picture
Joined: 10/29/07
Posts: 49

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

DD absolutely LOVES to be naked. Going potty is her excuse to strip down completely. I am forever telling her to put her clothes back on after going to the bathroom, because we don't eat dinner naked. :rolleyes:

Miriam is going through this as well, and will always come back from peeing missing her pants. I have managed to convince her that she HAS to wear underwear at all times, but otherwise it's naked time all the time.