Mom's with 2+ Kids...

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Erin Elizabeth's picture
Joined: 10/18/08
Posts: 472
Mom's with 2+ Kids...

Now that I'm preggo again I can't help but think about what it is going to be like to have a toddler and a newborn! What was it like for you guys when you had your second?

I'm nervous scared excited, all of the above. I already feel sleep-deprived as it is! This whole time with Ethan I have been in school, but will be finished in 2 weeks (yay!). So at least I won't have that hanging over my head. Any advice?

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I won't lie, it's tough at first. The sleep deprivation was the biggest thing for me (not being able to just sleep when the baby sleeps was hard), and feeling guilty about not getting DD out to play or having much one-on-one with her. My advice to you would be when people offer help, take it. Let them take Ethan to the park or for an overnighter. If people offer meals or help around the house take it! The charity won't always be as plentiful as it is when the baby is first born. Rely on your SO and get him more involved (unless he's like super involved and there's no room for improvement). I found more than ever after the second child that I needed to get out of the house by myself. Once Ben was a couple months old I would leave both kids with DH and go sit in Starbucks for a half hour or have the occasional pedi. It was less for the coffee or nice feet and more for the peace and quiet and not having anybody rely on me. Saves the sanity.

Joined: 09/08/05
Posts: 206

Yes, like Lisa said, I found the sleep thing to be the hardest part of the early months. DD1 was never a good sleeper and used to wake up and cry whenever she'd hear the new baby cry in the night. So the routine was me go to the new baby for feeding and DH ld go in and try to re-settle DD1. It was exhausting to say the least. It took about 6 weeks for her to get over that but then as she got to 2yrs, sleep difficulties came from her in the form of teething and nightmares....tough to deal with that on top of a new baby.

There are always difficult times with having more than one child and the reasons change as they get older - eg. DD1 was always very good with Josie when she was really little but as soon as Josie started to get more active around 6 months, then suddenly she sensed there might be some competition for things. Now, 18 months later, they still compete a lot and fight over things etc. but they also play together a LOT (in fact, can't keep away from each other and miss each other terribly when they have to be apart) so while that makes my life easier, it's when it all turns pear-shaped and I have to intervene and play referee that it's hard work.

I do think it does depend on the personalities/natures of the children though as to how difficult or easy the interaction is.

Lina5781's picture
Joined: 10/11/07
Posts: 68

There's so much that's harder and so much that's easier. I never experienced that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" having twins out of the gate.

After Ana, the first couple months were the most difficult. As soon as I sat down to nurse the twins would get into stuff they knew they shouldn't.

DunyaWolf's picture
Joined: 07/25/08
Posts: 223

I probably shouldn't post because I'm having a really tough time! Lol. Well, the worst was the first 6 weeks because Rowan was really colicky and screamed all.the.time. Since then its gradually gotten easier. It may happen that you'll get a super easy baby, but Rowan is not, he is more "high-needs" and that's tough with a toddler. I am thankful that a)Kieran is such a great sleeper and b) so great at entertaining himself, which he does often when I am trying to get the baby to sleep (a marathon event that occurs often because he fights sleep like none other!). I am looking forward to Rowan getting older, being able to do and interact more, sleeping better... I can't wait to see him and Kieran play. Of course I am sure that will bring a new set of difficulties Wink

Joined: 05/03/06
Posts: 84

I found it to be quite a shock to me. It seemed like everything was so wishy washy for about 2 months. Gianna was great at entertaining herself but when she wanted attention it was always at the worst times. I was so happy to get them on a schedule, then I felt much better and actually had two hours to do things in the afternoon while they both napped. Now its more of a personality issue. Gianna is so laid back and Leah is so very active. I'm constantly running after her and telling her no but.............I wouldn't have it any other way. You just do it because your their mom, you'll be just fine.

Erin Elizabeth's picture
Joined: 10/18/08
Posts: 472

THanks guys for all the advice...I know it will be tough and take some getting used to. It will definitely be a change! Luckily Ethan is a great sleeper (once he does go to sleep). He's tough to get down but once he does he sleeps at night for 10 hrs straight. So hopefull that sticks. Only time will tell now!

Joined: 11/14/08
Posts: 49

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

I found more than ever after the second child that I needed to get out of the house by myself. Once Ben was a couple months old I would leave both kids with DH and go sit in Starbucks for a half hour or have the occasional pedi. It was less for the coffee or nice feet and more for the peace and quiet and not having anybody rely on me. Saves the sanity.

Yes! This. I am torn in so many directions all day long. I need to get out, but haven't yet been able to.

"Lina5781" wrote:

There's so much that's harder and so much that's easier. I never experienced that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" having twins out of the gate.

After Ana, the first couple months were the most difficult. As soon as I sat down to nurse the twins would get into stuff they knew they shouldn't.

Yeah..I used to be so great at controlling messes, etc. Yesterday Cam dumped an entire sippy of milk on my couch cushion, saturating it while I put Riley down for one nap. Today I came out from putting her down (and it only takes 5 minutes to put her down sometimes) and found half a tube of Desitin in his hair (and luckily nowhere else.)

"DunyaWolf" wrote:

I probably shouldn't post because I'm having a really tough time! Lol. Well, the worst was the first 6 weeks because Rowan was really colicky and screamed all.the.time. Since then its gradually gotten easier. It may happen that you'll get a super easy baby, but Rowan is not, he is more "high-needs" and that's tough with a toddler. I am thankful that a)Kieran is such a great sleeper and b) so great at entertaining himself, which he does often when I am trying to get the baby to sleep (a marathon event that occurs often because he fights sleep like none other!). I am looking forward to Rowan getting older, being able to do and interact more, sleeping better... I can't wait to see him and Kieran play. Of course I am sure that will bring a new set of difficulties Wink

And this! Cam was my angel baby! He was a great sleeper. Riley is a lot more high-maintenance and even though Cam was a very mellow baby...as a toddler he craves attention.

Honestly, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day. No matter how well the day goes, by the end of it Riley has missed at least one nap because I can't give her enough attention to get them in. And when she misses a nap it means she shrieks nonstop for 3 hours before crashing at night. So heck, I want to be in bed at 9pm or even earlier, and she doesn't go down until 10/11.
I kept hearing that it got better after about the first 6 weeks when the newborn stuff dies down, but sigh...

Not to let that scare you too much. I love having two so much. I just think this is a rough time for us. And like someone else mentioned, you could have an easy baby. Smile If Riley was easy I would be LOVING it by now. Because all day during the day, as long as her naps are caught up, it is really *awesome.* But since she's so sensitive, once she misses a nap she won't go down until her next one and she just screams to let you know how miserable she is. Blum 3

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

I don't have much time right now to read all the other posts, so sorry if this is duplicating anything, but I'll just give my experience so far (Cal is 11 weeks old now).

First, we're lucky in that Sean LOVES the baby. Perhaps a little too much because he wants to be all up on him kissing him and hugging him all the time. And Sean's hugs aren't gentle... His grandpa taught him to hug extra tight with a grunt, lol. So yeah... We've spent a LOT of time trying to teach him to be gentle, but he still doesn't really know his own strength. So that's a bit concerning. We really can't take our eyes off of him for a second because now he's getting bolder and trying to pick up the baby and everything.

As for sleeping... We've back-slid a bit in that department. We were just getting Sean to sleep in his toddler bed pretty consistently for about a month before Cal came. But now... We're all in our bed. :rolleyes: It's really our fault more than anything. We tried putting him in his bed our first few nights at home after Cal's birth, but it just didn't go well. We would spend an hour getting him down because he would cry and fight us, and then no sooner than we got him down and got Cal down, Sean would be up crying. So for now... We're all in our bed, thank goodness it's a king (the dog sleeps there too :ROFL:).

We hadn't even started potty training yet. The pediatrician warned us at his 18 month appointment that if we started trying then, he'd probably regress after the baby was born. She said she wouldn't even bother trying yet. And he wasn't ready anyway. We actually still haven't started PTing yet. He's coming around to it and showing signs of being CLOSE to ready, but he still isn't totally ready. If we try to sit him on the potty without his diaper, he freaks out and begs for us to put the diaper on. So we're not really pushing it until he's more comfortable with it.

Sean does act up a lot more now and gets into more things that he shouldn't be messing with. I'm not sure if that's acting out due to the baby or if it's just his age. Most of me thinks it's just his age. He's pretty good about letting us know when he needs attention. He'll come sit up next to us and cry for us to put our arms around him (especially DH - Sean is a BIG daddy's boy). He'll also come ask us to play with his trains with him or read him books or whatever. So he's pretty good about communicating to us that he needs attention.

I've been lucky SO FAR and Cal has been an easy baby, so that totally helps. If I'd had Calvin first and Sean second, I'd probably be losing my mind. Sean just cried inconsolably A LOT and Calvin is a pretty peaceful little guy, so that helps immensely.

I go back to work on Thursday of next week, so I'll probably come back to this thread and be singing a whole different tune, lol. We'll see...

Joined: 11/14/08
Posts: 49

"marymoonu" wrote:

I've been lucky SO FAR and Cal has been an easy baby, so that totally helps. If I'd had Calvin first and Sean second, I'd probably be losing my mind. Sean just cried inconsolably A LOT and Calvin is a pretty peaceful little guy, so that helps immensely.

:Whistle: