10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes
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Thread: 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes

  1. #1
    Contributor meggzoe's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
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    Default 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes

    i wrote this one morning......(but it explains it ....kinda)

    It started with a kiss
    became much more.

    At first thought, the fear
    of disapproval and faulty timing inavaded my thoughts,
    damn that little pink plus
    Minutes, hrs...

    To the clinic i sped
    unable to clear the thoughts, i began to cry
    realising quickly what was now to be my life,

    all the 'girls'
    were being tormented
    by these little people.

    Their ridiculous form i fill
    'sexual history'
    with complete honesty
    signed and returned

    2 hrs later
    my fears confirmed
    7 weeks gestation he said...
    pullin out my datebook, i check and recheck

    We talked (or argued) forever
    but my decision was made
    U thought it unfair....
    but i always gave u a choice!

    So u stayed....

    3 weeks later unable to eat or drink or move
    regurgitating everything
    my depression set in

    My dr visits became more regular
    once a month
    my weight decreased, but breasts and belly engorged

    this thing
    was eating me alive
    sucking me dry

    My skin and hair gave up
    so did my muscles
    unable to button my jeans, swollen feet
    constant uneasiness

    I missed going out and walking around
    our conversations of the past and
    of a different future.

    Ring Ring...
    it was the dr's office
    strange test results
    sent to a specialist....2 hrs away...

    Oct 8th, 2008
    amniocentesis and 3D ultrasound

    i layed there and watched the screen
    and ur heartbeat came through the speaker
    I saw the smile in his eyes
    and knew it.....

    the tech said, "do u want to know"
    "it's a boy"
    the excitement in his face
    was all i needed.

    we were going to be fine.

    But something wasnt right...
    Anencephaly the specialist explained
    unable to move or breathe....

    he held me
    but no tears fell
    he began to cry but i begged him to stop.

    Finally the man in him appeared
    and he dried his eyes
    while i lay in disbelief....

    I'm sorry my son.
    a decision was to be made

    October 18th, 2008
    my termination began...already 23 weeks along

    Induced at 7:30 a and birthed at 8:45pm
    The morphine did nothing
    greatest pain so far

    I watched u
    eyes shut, heart still
    My son,
    U looked perfect to me
    10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes.

    Only then a single tear rolled down my cheek.

    I wish i could have known u
    but no other choice i had
    nothing could have helped,
    it just wasnt meant to be

    How will i go on without u here
    I see babies all the time
    the anger builds
    it just wasnt fair...

    I stare at ur picture
    grey and black
    and i see u in my dreams
    u haunt my thoughts
    but i did care

    So did he....
    how i wish ...ur face again
    i could see...

    J.Francis
    Fiance: Kinte
    Due Jan 26th 2010
    Mamma to one angel (boy)
    Myspace Pregnancy Countdown Clocks

  2. #2
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    Hugs, what a beautiful poem. My heart hurts for you.

  3. #3
    Mega Poster woooaaahhhh's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    Location
    Boston area, Ma
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    3,541

    Default

    That is beautiful.

    "I wish i could have known u"
    That exactly sums up my feelings about my son.

    I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry any of us do. There are people reading this that arent able to put all of their feelings into words, so for that, I thank you.

  4. #4
    missy8632
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    Sending hugs.

  5. #5
    motheroffive
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    that is wonderfully written sending you many hugs,

    www.myforeverangels.com

  6. #6
    Posting Addict butterflykissesx6's Avatar
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    Jun 2007
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    WA state
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    Default

    Absolutely beautiful..........

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