I am a long-time user of preg.org, but it has been about 2 years since I have posted on the site, so I think my old account has been lost. Anyway, I created this new account so I could ask you lovely ladies a question!
My DH and I currently have 2 daughters, ages 4.5 and barely 2. It was our long-time plan to have 4 kids. But recently DH has been trying to convince me that having 5 or 6 children would be better. For some reason the idea of 5-6 sounds a lot more daunting to me than just having 4 kids.
What I'm wondering from all of you, is if adding kids to your family gets easier? So far we only have the 2, and I already feel like I am stretched to my limits sometimes. But I often wonder if that is because of my kids' ages. Or maybe that is wishful thinking?
Going from 1-2 was hard for me. I fear that going from 2-3 will be even harder, let alone 5-6 in the future! If we were to end up having 6, then DD1 would probably be about 12 by the time that one came along. If you could tell me what your experiences have been, I would appreciate it so much!
I believe it is very much an individual matter. Frankly, I don't think it is just about being tired and the daily effort, but also about attention to the emotional growth of the children, possible medical issues with family members or aging parents, and also about the strength of the marriage. Much depends on the individuals, their expectations and involvement. Your feelings may well change with time...or not!
PS: I'm a Nana, so coming from a different point of view here.
Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat
It definitely gets easier as the children get older. I was just reminiscing about my oldest being in cub scouts, he had 3 little sibs by then. I remember how hard it was to take him to any activities b/c I had to pack up 3 other children, bring their snacks, diapers, etc... It was rather daunting and yesterday I wondered: " How did I do it?"
Things have gotten easier as my kids got older and are able to stay home with the little ones or help out in a real way.
For me, also going from 1 to 2 kids was a shock, going from 2 to 3 was pretty hard, but after that, the transition wasn't too difficult. but my kids were all less than 2 years apart.
Four will always be cheaper than six, but not necessarily easier. I think there isn't much of a difference by then.
Hope this helps...
I don't know if I would say "easier" but it definitely changes the older they get. My youngest 2 are around the age of your 2 and those are some VERY difficult ages, in my opinion The older 3 boys are lots of fun and I love that they are more independant now. I also love being able to have real heart to hearts with them and interacting with them on a more grown up level than just fix my food, wipe my bottom, etc. Don't et me wrong, I have LOVED every age so far and it is a joy to get to watch them grow
Wife to Jason
Brodie(9)~Deacon(8 )~Truman(8 )~Sawyer(5)~Elliot(3)~Finn 3/9/12
I only have 3 at the moment (and we're done after #4, dh already went and had a vasectomy) so I can only speak from that. There were days after I was pregnant with #3 that I wondered what in the world I was doing I can honestly say that the only thing that is harder for me with 3 than with 2 is like Asha said, the after school activities for my older two. Otherwise the transition was super easy. I'm worried about how it will be this time. 1-2 was tough on me and I think a big part of that was the spacing. Less than 2 years between my first two compared to almost 4 years between #2 and #3, this is another less than 2 years spacing so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly worried but I know it will all work out just fine. I do find it harder to give a lot of one on one attention to my oldest, but that's not so much sibling related as it is her school hours, she doesn't get home until after 4pm and I'm making dinner when she gets home and then we eat and then I have to sit and do homework with her and it's usually bath/story/bedtime by the time we're done...I made it work but definitely glad summer is here and worried about how it will be when I have two children that I need to split my time with after school on top of having a newborn and a toddler.
All that to say, it's normal to worry a bit. Take it one child at a time and see how it is. As DS gets older I think having 3 is almost easier than 2 was, at least when we're at home.
DD1- July 2004
DD2- April 2006
DS1- December 2009
DS2- August 2011
I have always heard that going from 1 child to 2 is the hardest transition. That was taken out of my hands when #1 was found to be 1 and 2.........
Amanda~mommy to Kodey & Kaleb 4/29/99,Cameron 4/30/00,Cheyann 10/14/03, Cole 11/16/07, and Alli 09/30/11
I've got 4 kids (in 5 years)... There are sooo many variables that I don't think it is possible to say how it will be for someone else.
Personally I found going from 1 to 2 was exhausting, but they are only 14 months apart. I found 2 to 3 to be EASY, but that was because I only had one "baby" and the older two (who were barely 38 months and 23 months) entertained themselves and were just that much more independent. #4 just fit right in and I really can't say it was hard at all.
Probably the main challenge is logistically. Hauling 4 (young) kids around isn't easy and it takes some organization to get everyone out the door on time. Plus I haven't got much room for groceries in my cart
But, we manage and have a lot of fun doing it!
I think you'll find that your perspective on how hard thing are right now will change when your younger daughter turns 3. Things should get a lot easier on you then, and the girls will be able to spend more time playing with each other without the need for you to go in and break up fights all the time. As far as transitions, the other ladies brought up excellent points. I disagree that 1 to 2 is the hardest. I think 0 to 1 is definitely the hardest, and then each one you add after that is just a little bit easier. Each transition, though, is tough for awhile until you figure out your "groove." Then it gets a lot easier.
I would definitely only recommend having more kids if that's what you really want. If you're having a hard time right now, I'd wait awhile. You don't have to decide right this minute. In fact, you may change your mind. We were sure we were done after the first two. We even went for a consult with a urologist for the V, but we didn't get it because we didn't have the money. A few years later, we changed our minds and got pregnant with Thomas.
Deb ................. DH Norm
DS Caleb, 13 ...... DS Patrick, 12
DS Isaiah, 8 ......... DS Thomas, 7
DD Cherish, 6....... DD Emily, 7\18\13 ....... Ripple, 17
William, 14 weeks, 4/11/12