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  1. #11
    Supporter -Asha-'s Avatar
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    Good to hear!!
    I hope the counseling will be a breakthrough for the whole family. It is a very difficult arrangement for everyone involved, so maybe with the therapist's help things can get easier! Keeping my fingers crossed!!
    sarahsunshine likes this.

    Badwater Basin Y'all!

  2. #12
    Supporter -Asha-'s Avatar
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    Good to hear!!
    I hope the counseling will be a breakthrough for the whole family. It is a very difficult arrangement for everyone involved, so maybe with the therapist's help things can get easier! Keeping my fingers crossed!!

    Badwater Basin Y'all!

  3. #13
    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    I hope I'm not being too hopeful and setting myself up for enormous disappointment. I'm not expecting miracles really, but some sound helpful guides that would be effective would be a dream! To get the necessary educational testing accomplished at last - this would be a good beginning.
    Last edited by gardenbug; 05-13-2013 at 04:16 PM.

  4. #14
    Supporter -Asha-'s Avatar
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    Right. There are many factors that contributed to his behavior. Is there any way they could change the custody agreement to weekdays/ weekends? I think those work better for kids in school.
    Also if he receives help with any learning disabilities things should improve.

  5. #15
    Supporter -Asha-'s Avatar
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    Right. There are many factors that contributed to his behavior. Is there any way they could change the custody agreement to weekdays/ weekends? I think those work better for kids in school.
    Also if he receives help with any learning disabilities things should improve.

  6. #16
    Community Host sarahsunshine's Avatar
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    Absolutely we could change the custody/access schedule. But the problems are:
    1) Who should he be with? With his mother, with whom he says he barely sees except to watch TV. He comes home from school, she watches her TV, he watches his TV, and then they eat dinner in front of the TV, and then a show together. Mom says she doesn’t want him with her full time because it’s too much work. But then she complains vehemently that 1 week is too long to go without seeing him…
    If we have him with us, we have to deal with mom complaining that it’s too long to be without seeing him, and telling Skyler that we don’t know how to parent.
    2) With custody comes the money issue. Biomom wants money – which is the reason she will try desperately to have Skyler with her full time. Then she will try to get us to babysit him as much as possible because she goes out of town so much for work. We see this already. If Skyler were to be with us full time, legally she would have to pay us, and she will say that she doesn’t have any money.
    We are at the point to let him go to his mom’s simply because it would likely be better for him to be in one house, and then someone will have to take responsibility for helping him instead of just saying that they can’t do anything and it’s our fault. It’s like giving up. We’ve talked about it. We’re about ready to do it, but some things have changed in the last month that are making me think it’s not such a good idea. We were seriously considering it, but now that Skyler is in counselling I think it may be better to get some guidance from the counsellor. Also, his mom is moving to the next town away and will try to take Skyler out of his school (she’s asking us to have him fail already). If he goes to live with her full time she will try to get him to change schools and move away from us. We don’t think that that is a good plan at all.

    So, as much as changing the custody/access schedule is, in theory, a good way to help him, I don’t believe it will help him right away.
    Skyler Dylan 22 April 1999
    Reed Aslan 17 June 2007 ~ 8 September 2008
    Ivy Rayne 3 May 2009
    Leo Spencer 2 Sept 2010
    Forrest Reed 15 Aug 2012


  7. #17
    Supporter -Asha-'s Avatar
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    Oh gosh Sarah- it is so complicated! There is no win really. I hope you guys can work something out somehow... His biomom doesn't sound like a grown up at all. That's sad.
    sarahsunshine likes this.

  8. #18
    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    Asha, you are right about Biomom. And at 45, I don't see a drop of effort on her part to change. That alone is a reason not to have him in her full custody. Yet, the kid is absolutely torn apart and doesn't know what to make of his world. I hope his counselor can help him through the teen years...and beyond! But I also hope she understands just how difficult it is for his siblings and can work on that too. Heck, there are just so many areas where he needs help!!!
    Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat

  9. #19
    Community Host sarahsunshine's Avatar
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    Ugh.. too much to worry about. No way to help other than try to teach him to think critically.

    Today he has another appointment with the psychologist, this time with mom. Hope all goes well. I know she will have a conniption because she will have to pay and she says she doesn’t have the money (though she had enough money to buy 2 trips to Mexico about a month ago, and it didn’t go through). Oh well.

    And Skyler called this morning to talk to Ivy and Leo on Skype. They had a go good chat. Then he talked to DH and told DH that he had asked his mom if he could come out to our land for the weekend and she said ‘No, that’s your time with me’. Curious. She just finished telling him 2 weeks ago that it was up to him, and he was to call us to stay extra time at her house. Now when he asks to come to our house the answer is ‘No’. Interesting way of being consistent, and he, I think, realized it all by himself.
    Skyler Dylan 22 April 1999
    Reed Aslan 17 June 2007 ~ 8 September 2008
    Ivy Rayne 3 May 2009
    Leo Spencer 2 Sept 2010
    Forrest Reed 15 Aug 2012


  10. #20
    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    Nothing surprises me any more... but it does make me ever so sad.


    PS:
    After thinking about this, I am a bit surprised. It is a pleasant thing to hear that he Skyped while at his Mom's place. Shows he's thinking of you and that she allowed it.

    It is also a surprise that he is thinking about going to your land, a place where he doesn't get to use electronics.

    And it is also a surprise that he asked his Mom about spending extra time with you. In the past he never would have dared.

    Perhaps this is a tool you could use to have him earn the chance to join you? I hate to insist on more rules though. Of course he hates to miss out on things, but that's what he has to live with as a product of a two home family. You can't always pick and choose....
    Last edited by gardenbug; 05-23-2013 at 08:13 PM.
    Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat

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