Instead of hijacking Hollybear’s thread I thought I’d start a new one.
Ivy seems to be turning into the 2yo that always wants the toy that someone else picks, and I was going to ask about how to deal with it.
Ivy is very organized and wants everything to be in the right place. If you don’t do it, she screams like you’re pulling her finger nails out! It could be a plate, or a fork, or a person sitting in the wrong chair, or, more recently, DSS (12yo) deliberately sitting on her chair and then saying “why are you yelling at me” (she has a toddler sized camping chair and a high stool/chair for her at the dining room table)?
We’ve managed to get it somewhat under control by telling her that we won’t do anything unless she asks nicely (she would scream immediately instead of asking nicely first). She can and frequently does ask very nicely. It’s great (though I have to get DH to actually do whatever it is the first time she asks before she screams!)
And with the other kids she plays with, she keeps trying to take away the toy that they have… I’m tired of chasing her around and constantly playing police. At the fair, this past week, there were 2 identical little red cars to play in, and a toddler her age. The little boy got in one of the cars and she ran over to it and evicted him. So he went to the other one. She promptly got out and chased the other little boy out of that one. He went back to the first one. At the time, I was trying to nurse Leo, and the other parent was there with him, so I asked her to please tell Ivy to let TJ have a turn. I don’t think explaining is that effective at this age, but taking her out of the situation doesn’t teach her to take turns. Any advice?
And what happened with dealing with other people’s kids? If Ivy had just picked up a toy and someone ripped it out of her hands, I would tell the other kid that it wasn’t appropriate. Now if Ivy does the same to another kid, I would tell her to give it back because it’s not her turn. TJ’s parent did nothing, and there I was trying to feed Leo in the rain, and get Ivy to listen to me (to no avail – she just got more angry that TJ would use one of the 2 cars).
Another thing Ivy does is she deliberately yells her lungs out at Leo (9mo), or hits him, when he’s sleeping in his car seat and she can reach. Of course, this scares the sh!t out of him and he wakes up screaming. She does it because she’s bored and likes the reaction I think (she gets attention from everyone – parents, Leo, DSS). I have no idea how to stop this. I would give her a book, but then she will hit Leo on the head with it (no kidding). I would separate their car seats, but unfortunately they can’t be put in any other configuration in the truck which we use to go camping… Any ideas? Similarly, DH found her lying on top of Leo when DH thought she was playing on the deck and Leo was sleeping in his crib. She deliberately climber in his crib and steam-rolled him while he was sleeping just to hear him yell.
I’m also having trouble getting Ivy to listen (DSS is terrible). When DSS isn’t with us, she’s better than when he is with us. (It’s made me realize even more how ineffective we are with dSS). With Ivy, I will ask her once nicely. “Ivy, please don’t kick the walls of the camper.” If she stops, lots of praise. If she ignores me, it’s a very firm “I asked you nicely to stop.” And is he doesn’t stop, she gets removed from the situation. She’s developed this fake cry when she knows she shouldn’t do something and gets in trouble for it – it’s pretty funny… But then DSS gets asked a million times (he gets away with a bunch because he honestly doesn’t hear it – but then he takes advantage of being deaf too).
So the issues here are several fold: learning to listen, learning to take turns, and learning to ask nicely. I don’t want to set rules in stone, because I think things need to be flexible and learn to think for herself too. Why shouldn’t DSS sit in Ivy’s chair if she’s not using it? On the other hand, if she asks nicely, why should she not have it?
Also, DSS deliberately baits her – but that’s a different issue – it just doesn’t help the situation to begin with. With DSS, we were just attributing stuff to being siblings. However, this past weekend we also had comments from a friend saying that DSS was being deliberately mean to Ivy periodically.
I’m sure I’m not the only one to deal with this behaviour… what do you guys do? What should I try? Ideas?
Don't get me wrong, she's WONDERFUL a lot of the time… But I want to stop this behaviour before it gets much worse… It’s gotten much worse in the past week.