I also don't really get why it's so awful to have older kids help with younger ones. Today at the dentist I had my 5 year old keep her little brother (DS1) busy while I talked to the dentist about my oldest daughter. I ask them to help me with the little ones at least once a day. Plus, like today, asking her to help keeps her busy and out of trouble. Like the older Duggar kids they don't seem to mind doing it, they love their siblings and love helping. I think it teaches responsibility, being helpful, and that life is about more than just you. Not such a bad lesson when you look at 90% of the kids these days.
DD1- July 2004
DD2- April 2006
DS1- December 2009
DS2- August 2011
I want a larger family down the road so I lurk on here all the time.... I've been asked so many times if I'm "DONE" since I have a boy and a girl and when I say no, we are having at least one more I get funky comments, weird looks, questions of why etc. and that's only for #3! People are so silly - 2-3 generations ago everyone had many more children than today. People's perspectives change so quickly!
I also don't get why older kids can't help out? I ask my 2 year old to get stuff for me for his sister all the time because he loves to help and it helps me out and keeps him out of trouble. He also "helps" with making dinner, sweeping the floor etc. because he loves to do so.
20 does seem like an extremely large family to me, but I have no issues with the Duggars - they can have as many as they want! Who is everyone else to judge? They can afford every kid they have, raise them in a loving household and genuinely want more children, more than I can say for many people out there!
Ethan - June 21, 2009
Olivia - December 5, 2010
5w3d - October/November 2012
My Ovulation Chart
20 is huge, but if that is what they want, then go for it! As long as the kids are wanted, loved, and cared for (which they certainly appear to be!) that why all the negativity? I get being stunned at the sheer number, but I really don't understand the criticisms.
I cannot tell you all how very much you are appreciated now! I needed to head here for a respite from all of the negative (and agreed - often hateful) commentary today.
I wish the Duggars only the very best. I think one of the best comments that I read today was a question posed of "Why is it only considered a "choice" of what a woman wishes to do with her body if she decides *not* to keep a baby?"
Love this thread! I hadn't heard the Duggar news yet--for some reason not one of my facebook friends has mentioned it! Expecting number 4, I have definitely had my share of negative comments. I had one mom of a kid in my dd's gymnastics class ask which kid was mine--so I pointed out my dd, then my ds1 in the big boy class, and ds2 in the preK class. She took one look at my baby belly and said--and one more?! Wow, one was enough for me! And guess what--she's probably right! Just like 20 is good for the Duggars (or heck, 21?....who's to say?). I told her flat out we always figured on about 5.
And as for older kids helping out? It is such a good way to teach responsibility, kindness, selflessness etc. I ask my older kids to help all the time with their little brother--read him a story while I make dinner, take him to the bathroom and wash his hands, help him find pj's and dress for bed, paste his brush, etc. They love to do it and they keep saying they want to help with baby brother too. DD wants to "carry him around" LOL. We'll see about that one! But they got huge grins when I informed them that I've never had an (almost) 8 year old or a 6 year old when I've had a newborn before, so they are going to be such big helps to me! They were amazed when I told them ds1 was only 4.5 when the youngest was born, and dd was almost 3--so now they say "I'll be 6 (or 8 ) and be able to help you" etc.
For me it isn't really the size of the family. I am, however, concerned about her safety. Can you imagine leaving 19 kids motherless and a baby dead? IMO, the health cards are wayyyy stacked against her. I think they should have taken the last birth as a sign or something.
Dylan 4/22/04, Devon 6/24/06,Dorothy 9/13/07, Derek 12/19/09, Daniel 12/18/10, Daphne 2/24/12
Mindie and Mark, 5/16/09
agreed that what happened last time was bad...but as other people posted...would you feel that way if it was her first baby when it happened and she went on to have more? Probably not. It seems to be socially acceptable to roll the dice with having kids if you only have 1 or 2...but after that just be grateful for what you have and dont take the chance? Why do we as a society get to choose that for people? People dont judge 40 something year old women who decided to put career first for deciding to have a child...but when you have a bunch of kids...its an outrage if you are in your 40's and still having kids? If she had 1 or 2 kids and she had the pre-e scare like with Josie, people would not be in outrage. I really hope they have a good outcome...otherwise Im afraid an angry mob may harass the poor family...I just dont get it.
I think the Duggars are good parents and parent their current 19 better than many parent their 1 or 2. I have mixed feelings. I do feel she is at more of a risk for having more, but also agree that had she had problems with #1 and was choosing to have #2, there would be not be those comments.
However, I did 2mo of bedrest with my last 2 successful pregnancies, and it was extremetly difficult on my family. For me (and only me) I take that into huge consideration when contemplating if we will have more children. And being that she is extremely multi-para mom, her risks do increase of having difficulties. But with that said, all may be fine also.
As to having older kids help, I am all for that. I am the second of 8 and really helped raise most of my siblings (my stepfather was a total putz). I had a little too much responsibility (like staying home from school often to babysit). But it gave me tons of experience and I got to try out lots of things on my siblings. lol. My older kids are expected to help around the house and help each other, and the babies help each other as well. There are too many lazy teens and 20 somethings around these days, and I am trying to help my kids not be one of them.
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.
Each of her risk factors alone wouldn't be that big of a deal. But you can't possible ignore the fact that she is 1)AMA, 2) had 4 c/s, one of them vertical, 3) is a grand (grand grand grand) multigravida, 4) had severe pre-e that almost killed her/the baby once and I am sure there are more. I mean, it is what it is and I do hope she has a healthy, full term pregnancy this time.