holy haters!!

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holy haters!!

I read on another board that the Duggars announced they were expecting #20. I went to the Today website to check it out...and wow!! You should have read all the haters comments. There were like 3 Im happy for them...and the rest...like 20 comments were hate comments...about all the reason having lots of kids is horrible. Sad I know Im not expecting my 20th child...but I am expecting 9 which is a big number. I hate all the hate out there. Why do people have to be so mad about other people's lives? I know some of it is in response to what her last baby went through...but my goodness...all that negativity certainly does not help anyone or anything. Sad I hope they have a good outcome. Thoughts?

pico83 (not verified)

I've gotten to the point where I don't really care what other people do. Personally, 20 is too many for me, but if it's right for them, and they can love and support the kids, then I'm happy for them.

I can't imagine the comments you must get expecting #9. With 3 I already get the annoying "have you figured out what causes it?" question. :rolleyes: (I like to look all innocent and say "No! Have you? I'd love to know." Nobody's taken me up on it yet.)

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I am happy for them a child is a blessing. I wish people were not so mean. It was hard to tell people about number 5 with all the looks and mean comments. I wish them all the best!

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Do I feel like 20 is a lot of kids? Yes!
Do I hate when people judge and bad mouth my family? Yes!
I just feel like we big family momma's have to stick together Smile I am just upset that this announcement is going to stir up a fresh new batch of hating on large families. And of course, anyone with more than 2 kids is going to get thrown in that catergory. *sigh* I wish them the best, I really do....

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I was actually thinking about how my news to people of #9 which will probably be shared first part of December if my next ultrasound is ok, will come on the heels of fresh outrage by the news...and the negativity will probably trickle out to me and my family....sigh

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I only have 4 but even just all the comments on facebook about them are driving me nuts! Seriously, half my news feed is about the Duggars right now and none of it is well wishes :-?
It just bothers me because nobody would say a thing if she had complications in her first or second pregnancy and went on to have a second or third child. But she feels having another is right for their family and everyone feels the need to say how wrong it is because of that? I think their kids are better behaved than 90% of the kids I've ever met so I don't think they are doing such a bad job with them. Not to mention they can afford every one of their kids. I only hope that I can have as much patience with my kids as she has with hers.

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My dad's mom had 13 kids and was a single mother. The US is barely keeping up (I think 2.2 kids per family), so why shouldn't some people have large families if the want to and can take care of them. For some people, one child is too much. For some people, 20 is perfect.

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At least now I can say again that I have half the Duggar brood! Wink

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I think people's angst is misplaced-- I really don't get why folks get so outraged about them. Like you, half of my news feed is people calling them crazy.

I can't imagine having 20 kids-- but that doesn't mean it isn't right for their family. Those kids are loved, cared for and taken care of.

Like Mandi, I do agree that people would never say those things about a mother who had pre-e with their first kid and then went on to have a second (happens all of the time....) I wish them nothing but the best.

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I'm pretty much where all of you are with it. It seems outrageously much to me, but who am I to judge? There are plenty of people out there who look at my family through the same lens, I have no doubt. I think people should worry about themselves.

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I also don't really get why it's so awful to have older kids help with younger ones. Today at the dentist I had my 5 year old keep her little brother (DS1) busy while I talked to the dentist about my oldest daughter. I ask them to help me with the little ones at least once a day. Plus, like today, asking her to help keeps her busy and out of trouble. Like the older Duggar kids they don't seem to mind doing it, they love their siblings and love helping. I think it teaches responsibility, being helpful, and that life is about more than just you. Not such a bad lesson when you look at 90% of the kids these days.

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"mandi04" wrote:

I also don't really get why it's so awful to have older kids help with younger ones. Today at the dentist I had my 5 year old keep her little brother (DS1) busy while I talked to the dentist about my oldest daughter. I ask them to help me with the little ones at least once a day. Plus, like today, asking her to help keeps her busy and out of trouble. Like the older Duggar kids they don't seem to mind doing it, they love their siblings and love helping. I think it teaches responsibility, being helpful, and that life is about more than just you. Not such a bad lesson when you look at 90% of the kids these days.

*lurker*

I want a larger family down the road so I lurk on here all the time.... I've been asked so many times if I'm "DONE" since I have a boy and a girl and when I say no, we are having at least one more I get funky comments, weird looks, questions of why etc. and that's only for #3! People are so silly - 2-3 generations ago everyone had many more children than today. People's perspectives change so quickly!

I also don't get why older kids can't help out? I ask my 2 year old to get stuff for me for his sister all the time because he loves to help and it helps me out and keeps him out of trouble. He also "helps" with making dinner, sweeping the floor etc. because he loves to do so.

20 does seem like an extremely large family to me, but I have no issues with the Duggars - they can have as many as they want! Who is everyone else to judge? They can afford every kid they have, raise them in a loving household and genuinely want more children, more than I can say for many people out there!

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"tink9702" wrote:

*lurker*

I want a larger family down the road so I lurk on here all the time.... I've been asked so many times if I'm "DONE" since I have a boy and a girl and when I say no, we are having at least one more I get funky comments, weird looks, questions of why etc. and that's only for #3! People are so silly - 2-3 generations ago everyone had many more children than today. People's perspectives change so quickly!

I also don't get why older kids can't help out? I ask my 2 year old to get stuff for me for his sister all the time because he loves to help and it helps me out and keeps him out of trouble. He also "helps" with making dinner, sweeping the floor etc. because he loves to do so.

20 does seem like an extremely large family to me, but I have no issues with the Duggars - they can have as many as they want! Who is everyone else to judge? They can afford every kid they have, raise them in a loving household and genuinely want more children, more than I can say for many people out there!

I agree with every word!

20 is huge, but if that is what they want, then go for it! As long as the kids are wanted, loved, and cared for (which they certainly appear to be!) that why all the negativity? I get being stunned at the sheer number, but I really don't understand the criticisms.

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I cannot tell you all how very much you are appreciated now! I needed to head here for a respite from all of the negative (and agreed - often hateful) commentary today.

I wish the Duggars only the very best. I think one of the best comments that I read today was a question posed of "Why is it only considered a "choice" of what a woman wishes to do with her body if she decides *not* to keep a baby?"

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Love this thread! I hadn't heard the Duggar news yet--for some reason not one of my facebook friends has mentioned it! Expecting number 4, I have definitely had my share of negative comments. I had one mom of a kid in my dd's gymnastics class ask which kid was mine--so I pointed out my dd, then my ds1 in the big boy class, and ds2 in the preK class. She took one look at my baby belly and said--and one more?! Wow, one was enough for me! And guess what--she's probably right! Just like 20 is good for the Duggars (or heck, 21?....who's to say?). I told her flat out we always figured on about 5.

And as for older kids helping out? It is such a good way to teach responsibility, kindness, selflessness etc. I ask my older kids to help all the time with their little brother--read him a story while I make dinner, take him to the bathroom and wash his hands, help him find pj's and dress for bed, paste his brush, etc. They love to do it and they keep saying they want to help with baby brother too. Smile DD wants to "carry him around" LOL. We'll see about that one! But they got huge grins when I informed them that I've never had an (almost) 8 year old or a 6 year old when I've had a newborn before, so they are going to be such big helps to me! They were amazed when I told them ds1 was only 4.5 when the youngest was born, and dd was almost 3--so now they say "I'll be 6 (or 8 ) and be able to help you" etc.

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For me it isn't really the size of the family. I am, however, concerned about her safety. Can you imagine leaving 19 kids motherless and a baby dead? IMO, the health cards are wayyyy stacked against her. I think they should have taken the last birth as a sign or something.

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agreed that what happened last time was bad...but as other people posted...would you feel that way if it was her first baby when it happened and she went on to have more? Probably not. It seems to be socially acceptable to roll the dice with having kids if you only have 1 or 2...but after that just be grateful for what you have and dont take the chance? Why do we as a society get to choose that for people? People dont judge 40 something year old women who decided to put career first for deciding to have a child...but when you have a bunch of kids...its an outrage if you are in your 40's and still having kids? If she had 1 or 2 kids and she had the pre-e scare like with Josie, people would not be in outrage. I really hope they have a good outcome...otherwise Im afraid an angry mob may harass the poor family...I just dont get it.

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I think the Duggars are good parents and parent their current 19 better than many parent their 1 or 2. I have mixed feelings. I do feel she is at more of a risk for having more, but also agree that had she had problems with #1 and was choosing to have #2, there would be not be those comments.

However, I did 2mo of bedrest with my last 2 successful pregnancies, and it was extremetly difficult on my family. For me (and only me) I take that into huge consideration when contemplating if we will have more children. And being that she is extremely multi-para mom, her risks do increase of having difficulties. But with that said, all may be fine also.

As to having older kids help, I am all for that. Smile I am the second of 8 and really helped raise most of my siblings (my stepfather was a total putz). I had a little too much responsibility (like staying home from school often to babysit). But it gave me tons of experience and I got to try out lots of things on my siblings. lol. My older kids are expected to help around the house and help each other, and the babies help each other as well. There are too many lazy teens and 20 somethings around these days, and I am trying to help my kids not be one of them. Smile

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Each of her risk factors alone wouldn't be that big of a deal. But you can't possible ignore the fact that she is 1)AMA, 2) had 4 c/s, one of them vertical, 3) is a grand (grand grand grand) multigravida, 4) had severe pre-e that almost killed her/the baby once and I am sure there are more. I mean, it is what it is and I do hope she has a healthy, full term pregnancy this time.

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I didnt realize she had so many c-sections. She does have a lot of risk factors. I hope everything turns out ok!

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So it IS true!!!! I was wondering as I saw a commercial on TLC saying that Michelle had an announcement!!!

You know what, for every persons choice to do anything with their lives (especially ones in the spotlight) there are people that "hate" their choice. I am not sure why in the world those people would take the effort to even follow those people! There are things that I don't especially like in this world, so I don't watch those things, participate in those things, or take the time to acknowledge those things, so I don't understand why those people bother writing comments.

If any family out there can raise 20 children, the Duggars can! All the best to them and I know that 20th little Duggar - baby J...... will be just fine and loved by all of them!!!

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I too have been reading a lot of negative comments about the Duggars. I personally love them and pray everything goes smoothly for them. I just don't understand why some people waste their energy getting so upset about another family's choice of family size. They are great parents and all of their children are loved and cared for. And I agree that people would be less likely to bring up the pre-e if it was her second pregnancy. I saw her interviewed and she said her doc had run tests and gave her a clean bill of health. She had pre-e with her second and went on to have a dozen more pregnancies with no issues. I read one really irritating comment. It said that id parents can't afford to send all their kids to a good college, then they shouldn't have them. WHAT?!? It's not our responsibility to get our kids through college, just high school. If we can help, that's great but I will not decide my family size based on what college we can afford. It's nice to come here and see supportive comments. We are ttc #6 and I'm dreading the responses we'll get.

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my mom is really upset that we wont be able to afford college for all of our kids. I told her we will do whatever we can for our kids to be successful! We will help them in any way we can...isnt that all anyone can do?

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I think it's wonderful and am very happy for them. They are their own people and can make their own choices. As for her health issues, I'm sure she's weighed it all up. People thought I was crazy for continuing to have children when I had a multitude of health issues but I had faith it'd all be fine (and actually it's my fear/belief that it won't be fine next time unless I leave some space and get my health back to normal that has stopped me having another baby already or being pregnant now) and it was. I guess sometimes you just have to follow your heart and trust it will guide you in the right direction.

I'm sure her healthcare team will be keeping a pretty close eye on her for complications.

Children are a blessing - and whether a family decides to have 1 child or 20 is nobodies business really.

I have already told everyone in real life that I will be having a #8 if I'm still able too in a few years time (I have mirena so won't be before 2016/2017 and who knows, probably will have changed my mind and decided against it altogether by then!).... They are all actually very supportive and understanding so I know they'll be happy for me. Sadly it's online that I'll get most of the negative comments from because it's just so hard to explain your situation and why you have chosen to do what you do and frankly I have reached the stage where I don't really feel the need to explain myself to some faceless negative people on-line...

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Gosh I WISH it was just the on line people who were negative. If they dont outwardly say something totally inappropriate, the look on their face says it all! I also wish I had the "I dont care" attitude...but sadly....Im just a big sap...and it does affect me when people are so mean! Michelle Duggar seems not to really care what other people think...she always seems so positive.

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Maybe if they had more children they'd be too busy to worry about everyone else lol!

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I can attest to the fact that you appreciate your college education a whole lot more if you are paying for it yourself.

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I know I'm totally late to this one here, but I kind of feel like throwing in my 2 cents. I love you ladies!! And I love lurking here. Even on some of the boards here there was negativity about the Duggars having #20. It's fine to have an opinion, but it's nobody's business but theirs how many kids they choose to have. And whatever happened to, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."?

I was happy for them, despite knowing that Michelle had medical issues with her last one. Every pregnancy is different, after all. And I was very sad to learn about their loss. I know that whole family must be devastated.

"MissyJ" wrote:

I think one of the best comments that I read today was a question posed of "Why is it only considered a "choice" of what a woman wishes to do with her body if she decides *not* to keep a baby?"

I have thought about this before too. I've even wondered why it's called a pro-choice stance as though pro-life isn't a choice?

Anyway, thank you ladies for bringing me out of a funk tonight with all your positivity. I love lurking here and I hope you'll remember that I posted a while back and warned you I would be. As for older kids helping the younger, I think it's perfect! I'm the oldest of 5 kids myself and did my share of helping with my siblings. It brought us closer together and I learned a lot. I know some new moms who never changed a diaper before they had a kid of their own. I've been changing diapers since I was 8 years old. I've always been grateful for my siblings and everything I learned from them or as a result of caring for them.

I'm now pregnant with #2. Since I have a girl and am now having a boy, I assume there are those out there who will assume we are done, when there's every chance we may not be done. And that's our decision to make!

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Well, it was very sad to hear of the Duggar's loss, especially at 20 weeks. That being said, I think it's disgusting for anyone to judge this beautiful family because they have a lot of children. As long as they're providing for them and not asking for handouts I don't care if they have another ten! I really hope she recovers OK from this terrible loss, and they continue to have as many children as God will give them!