How do you deal with the negativity?

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Joined: 08/24/05
Posts: 316
How do you deal with the negativity?

Hi! I'm Danielle. DH (Ed), and I are expecting #4 February 27th and people are mean. We get all comments about how we should get "fixed" or I should get "the shot" etc. My problem is that the negative comments are coming from people who made negative comments when we announced our BFP with DS2 (DH's first bio child). They've apparently never been accepting of us having children and now that we are about to be a family of 6, they've only gotten worse!

It's mostly my IL's. In fact, I can't really think of anyone else off the top of my head who is so mean.

How do you all handle this? I've tried ignoring it but DS2 is about to turn 6 so clearly this is something that I've been biting my tongue about for a very long time. It's hurtful when everything that is said by these people is negative. There's no excitement or happiness for us at all from them.

I've gotten used to the stares from strangers but I was a teen mom with DS1 so stares have become normal for me. Also, I babywear and breastfeed in public so I'm stared at anyway- just comes with my life I suppose. I just wish the meanness would stop.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Joy comes from within. Retaliating certainly won't help. Try to concentrate on the happiness your kids bring to your family and quietly feel sorry for their unhappiness and critical natures. Some folks never figure it out.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3008

I'd try to ignore it, but I know that's much easier said than done. Good luck. Is you family supportive, even if your DH's isn't?

lby_mommyof3's picture
Joined: 11/12/07
Posts: 644

"gardenbug" wrote:

Joy comes from within. Retaliating certainly won't help. Try to concentrate on the happiness your kids bring to your family and quietly feel sorry for their unhappiness and critical natures. Some folks never figure it out.

Well said!
I know it can be hard, but like she said above, happiness comes from within and that's what you need to concentrate on--even though it is hard to ignore the outbursts of others. GL!:bigarmhug:

Joined: 08/24/05
Posts: 316

"pico83" wrote:

I'd try to ignore it, but I know that's much easier said than done. Good luck. Is you family supportive, even if your DH's isn't?

For the most part they are.

It wouldn't be so difficult to ignore if they lived farther away but we all live pretty close to each other and DH works with his dad so they're pretty hard to avoid. I just wish that they could be happy for us or at least keep their negativity to themselves iykwim.

Joined: 05/15/08
Posts: 413

When people make comments like that, it feels to me like they are rejecting the child (and possibly the children that are already "here"). I'd say, call them on it. If they don't want a relationship with their new grandchild/niece/nephew/whatever or don't like the children you already have, they should come out and say so, rather than making backhanded remarks. I'd be willing to bet that they don't really understand the implications of their words and would back off if it was all laid out in the open.

((hugs))

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

I'm sorry that you are dealing w/man people. This should be a time of happiness and joy for you! As hard as it is, try to just let it roll of your shoulders, or if you're bold enough, tell them how you feel. Let them know right now that you are happy about this prengnacy and that their negative comments are not allowed. I'd also let them know now that if they can't be happy for you than maybe they don't need to be around LO until they CAN be happy.

I really am sorry you're going through this. We are in the a similiar situation, which is why I just announced to everyone yesterday that we are pregnant with #4. :bigarmhug: Hang in there Danielle!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

I got a lot of flack after having DD about her needing to be our last, yada yada yada.... from some family and "friends". Then, in March, I got a BFP. I was nervous about telling people at first. But, was nicely surprised that I didnt get any flack... from our family any way. I did have someone go out of their way to FB message me (I wasnt even a 'friend' with her on there, she had to hunt me down) and give me a bunch of crap about having a 4th. I basically told her it was none of her business and to stop harassing me... and blocked her.

I have gotten "wow, your hands are really going to be full" like they werent with 1? lol. Are you going to have more? Was this planned? and so on. I either just ignore the question, or give them a smile and a short response. I am also pretty used to the stares. I am 4ft 9in and don't look my age. I also breast feed and often use a sling (will be using it a LOT more with 3 other kids in tow), so those really don't bother me. People really need to learn how to shut their mouths and mind their own business. A family's size is no one's business except for the 2 people creating and raising it.

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