What do you do to mentally prepare yourself from the look of horror some people will give you when you announce you are pregnant again? I know my neighbors are going to act nice...and probably go out and gossip about me behind my back (I feel like Im back in middle school with this neighborhood, the gossip, and the cliques...its flippin' ridiculous) and my family will be in full out outrage Im afraid!! Today I was talking to my mom about coming to visit us in June to see the kids in their dance recital, and I realized that is when I am due...and started thinking about having to tell her and I felt literally sick to my stomach! I have not been able to sleep because I am so worried about the responses I will get and how I will deal with it!! My skin is so thin...the hurtful words seep right in! Any advice!.....I have already started doing what I promised myself I wouldnt! I said I would take one day at a time and get past each hurdle as they come!! Since I dont even know if my baby will stick with me yet (hopefully it will), why do I torture myself with this stuff?
I always make sure and tell at least a couple people who I know are going to be genuinely happy for us first. That way I have some positive before the negative I don't know about you, but once we had #4, people really stopped being so surprised that I was pregnant again! We really didn't get any truly negative comments this time. Just the regular "Big surprise!" type stuff Good luck...it is always hard to hear the hurtful things
Wife to Jason
Brodie(9)~Deacon(8 )~Truman(8 )~Sawyer(5)~Elliot(3)~Finn 3/9/12
With my last few pregnancies, I didn't tell anyone except for my BFF ( neighbor). Then, I just started showing and there was no doubt that I was pregnant. People didn't even say anything- a few insincere "congratulations" dribbled out...
Funny thing - I told my Dad ( over the phone, they are in Poland) and he was kind of speechless. He didn't have the guts to tell my mom yet!!! LOL! My mom is just like yours. She thinks I will end up in insane asylum from "having all those kids" .
Honestly the biggest fear I had was telling my older kids. I was worried that my high-schooler would be embarrassed to have a pregnant mom, but they were supportive! That was a big relief. If your own kids and DH are happy- you shouldn't worry about anyone else. Remember, you might regret not having a child, but you won't regret having one!!!
This is only #4 for us and I get comments all.the.time. about having more. As of right now, I tell people who act surprised or shocked, or whatever that we always planned on 5--that way when I announce #5, I won't get the shock factor again! LOL I think most of my neighbors are pretty supportive even though most only had 1-2 (or 0) kids. One of my neighbors had planned 3 but has twins for 3&4 so I'm just almost caught up to her--she doesn't say anything, of course And another one had 2 and then adopted 4 more (one at a time) from China. So luckily my neighbors aren't really gossipy or thinking we are too weird. But from the kids school friends mom's I get some weird looks. I always mention how much I love for my kids to have siblings to play with.
My IL's love our big family (they had 6 themselves and might have had more if my MIL didn't have such horrible, sick pregnancies and all c/s deliveries. My mom had 4 but she still thinks I have a lot of kids--but never says anything bad. So for me its mostly aquaintence (sp?) that say anything, and I just have to be "poo" at them in my attitude.
Well we only have 4 and my mom has been disappointed with every one of them so I don't expect much different at this point. My dad to a lesser extent, was more surprised. Other than them and some friends everyone else has actually been happy for us. Oh except my mom's parents, who asked if we knew what caused 'that'. If we were to have another (not likely since dh had a vasectomy ) I'd probably just say "We're happy to tell you that we're expecting another baby!" to those who I thought might show a bad reaction. At least they might think twice, and really, all that matters is that you, your dh and your kids are happy.
I'm not much of one for being argumentative but if I were I'd probably ask anyone with a negative reaction how my having another baby would affect them.
DD1- July 2004
DD2- April 2006
DS1- December 2009
DS2- August 2011
Just post it on Facebook That's what I did. Knowing very well that people were going to be apathetic (My mother) or rude (My aunts making stupid/sarcastic comments reminding me that I do in fact know how it happened). Also, if you have lots of pregnancy.org friends on FB, they all 'like' your post and give you tons of congrats. (My pregnancy announcement got like 45 'likes' which made me feel great!)
I also posted a pic of the ++ test. (All 3 of em!) Which got 'liked' by lots of people.
Dylan 4/22/04, Devon 6/24/06,Dorothy 9/13/07, Derek 12/19/09, Daniel 12/18/10, Daphne 2/24/12
Mindie and Mark, 5/16/09
It can definitely be hard, that's for sure. Especially when you add in those raging hormones...tear city!
I am currently preggo with #5 and we never say anything until after the first u/s at about 11 weeks. That way we 'know' things are going good. Once I have that first u/s I am so freaking happy and excited, I couldn't care less what anyone says...I have a baby growing inside me!!
My older 3 are much older and then we have a 21 month old and I'm 7 months along and we get tons of 'talk' about our age gap, or another baby, etc. I smile and say it works perfect for us because it really does! I can't help it if they don't understand. Just remember, it's your life, and only you have to answer for it...no one else. If you chose to do something because of others, that regret is only on your shoulders, not theirs.
My mother has ALWAYS regretted not having baby #4. ALWAYS! I heard stories from her since I can remember about another baby boy, naming him Scott, etc. it never left her. That always sticks with me.
I am pregnant with my fourth. There were a lot of people I did not tell and just waited until they noticed. Some just noticed recently because we had a garage sale and family gathering on back to back weekends. The comments are brutal. But I was told by another large family to be prepared with fun answers. Last week when a neighbor asked if I know what causes "that" I told her DH will not let me find out. Made me laugh while she was being a bit nasty.
Honestly this is hard for me too. I let things get under my skin and they really hurt! People are mean outsiders, family, friends some can be so MEAN! I don't understand this! I think having a large family really shows you who your real friends are.
A lot of great women on this board offer so much advice on this. I mean why should I let all that garbage get to me? Why do I let it get to me? I think for me I don't want my kids to think that having a large family is a bad thing. I don't want them to think that they should never have kids because people are rude and say things. Sometimes I just want to shout at the rude people SHAME ON YOU!
The best advice I have to offer is hold your head up high don't let it get to you and walk away with a smile on your face. Never give them anything that might make them happy in return! Some people are stupid and don't mean to say things but others want to get something out of you to make them feel better about what they said.
Sending hugs to you. Just be happy and enjoy this time!
I'm sorry you have unsupportive family and ppl around you.
Thankfully both of our families are super supportive and will be excited with each pregnancy, truly. Being LDS where large families are more prevalent has helped of course. lol. DH's mom is always saying, "You can have as many babies are you want." It makes me laugh, so glad I have her permission. lol. But usually it is just after I have given birth, even to the twins. lol.
I do have a few extended family members that are not happy when I am pg, and I just smile and say, "each of my pregnancies was planned." And they can say very little. And even if you have one that wasn't.. you are planning to have a baby, so what can they say to that.
But to the naysayers... I second the sentiments of others here. You may regret not having another, but will never regret that you had one more. And as long as you are happy, that is what counts. I like Heidi's idea of telling a few ppl you know will be happy before you tell the negative ppl. Hugs!
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.