Moms to boys :) I need HELP! Might be a sensative subject

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Mommyin0406080912's picture
Joined: 02/16/08
Posts: 1644
Moms to boys :) I need HELP! Might be a sensative subject

Ok my son is 3 going to be 4 in Feb. He has 2 older sisters. For the last 2 months he tells me he is a pretty pretty princess wants to wear dresses and girly shoes and he is very very sensative and likes tutus. My mom being the ***** that she is tells me that he is gay or will turn gay. I got some boy costumes for him and tell him he is a king with a crown but doesn't like that. He does go to pre-school every day a week all day so they have a lot of pretend play in different centers and they do dress up and kitchen time and house playing.

Just so everyone knows my husband and I have nothing against Gay people that is not why I am worried.

My husband gets very upset when my mom does this and I finally told her that she needs to keep her mouth shut.

I know kids at this age don't care about playing with boy or girl toys. They are little kids that like to play. I did tell my husband that we need to get more big boy toys and just keep telling him he is a king.

Anyone else ever go through this? Is he just playing? Should I be concerned? Thank you so much

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I think dresses and girly things are just pretty to the eye and look fun. When my son Julius was about 3 he had an older sister and a younger one, he too wanted to wear his sister's dress. I let him. He loved how it twirled, they ran around the house being "pretty". He loved the fancy Easter dresses. This repeated a few times during that age, his older brothers didn't know ( they were at school- otherwise they may have teased him) and after awhile the interest died down ( possibly b/c the girls stopped wearing the dresses)?
He is also very sensitive, cries easily, loves to hug... he is almost 9 now. He is into hockey, skateboards, burping Wink and generally being a boy.

Sebastian has 3 older sisters and he loves to put on make up, nail polish whenever he sees his sisters do it. Not as much dresses, but he has put a tutu on because they like to copy whatever their older siblings are doing! That's who he spends a lot of time with and that's who he identifies with!

My daughters play with toy cars, they pretend to fix things with toy tools, they jump on pogo sticks and our oldest DD has tried paintball. I don't see anything wrong with any of it.
Your mom is really closed minded, she needs a little bit of imagination and perspective, I think.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

He's just playing - probably idolises his older siblings! Let him have some fun - the innocent times when it'll be OK will be over sooner than you realise...

And so what if he does turn out gay - isn't really anyone's business but his own.

Ignore the ignorant, and let your son enjoy life whilst it's still all fun and frolicks!

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

My 6 year old loved pink at age 3, so much he wanted a pink winter coat. Now he won't have anything to do with "girly" things and detests pink. So I'm not worried now that my 3 year old loves pink. It's starting to die down, but he still likes pink and red. He even has a Disney princess backpack.

You can't turn a boy gay by letting him play with "girl" toys.

Did you know in the olden days, pink was the color for boys?

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I wouldn't worry, I know we have people in our lives who would unfortunately be like your mom but really, do people say a little girl will be/is gay if she plays with boy things? My oldest daughter is very into all the hunting/fishing stuff like her daddy and my younger daughter's favorite color is blue; they like typically 'girly' stuff too but they also love playing with their brothers trucks/trains/cars/tools/ect and I purposely gave our son a baby doll while I was pregnant. I probably would put a stop to wearing too girly stuff in public but only because of the teasing factor. I'm sure he'll outgrow it once he's a little older.

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

That is what preschoolers do! They play, imagine, pretend, etc! Your mom is going to give the poor kid a complex and maybe make him not want to be who he is (not saying gay or not, but just not free to express himself). Sorry, you are deain with your mom being a butt head...not cool! Your son sounds totally normal!

Mommyin0406080912's picture
Joined: 02/16/08
Posts: 1644

Thank you ladies so so much! I feel a lot better! I know my mom is just stupid but it was really making my hubby upset so I thought I would ask. Trust me I want all my kids to enjoy their childhoods and do whatever they want as long as it is safe and legal lol!

I always tell hubby that real men wear pink! Smile Thank you again!

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1007

My ds2 wear his sister's dress ups all the time--including the princess glass slippers. He usually laughs and thinks it is funny. He is 3 as well. He is closer in age to her than to his big brother--and until this year had more time to play with her because he was in school longer. But he also puts on our boy costumes too--its just what kids do. But it is really cute to see him wearing a princess dress while wielding a nerf sword and "killing" everything in sight or imagined! Smile

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

My DSS#1 was like that until last year (he's 7 right now). He would want to hang out with my DD and do everything she was doing - including spinning like a ballerina. She could even get him to wear girlie things and let her paint his toes.

His favorite color was purple and all he wanted around him were rainbows. It would drive my DH bananas!!!

But during this last year things have changed. Now he generally only wants to hang with my DS#1 (who just turned Dirol and is much more into traditional "boy" types of things.

Try to relax a little - it's just how pre-schoolers play. He is likely to begin to associate his play with others of his gender in the next couple of years.

GL - I hope your mother can keep her mouth shut, comments like that are just destructive and serve no positive or genuine purpose.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

If anything was going to "turn him gay" it would be trying to force him to do things he doesn't like to do because they are "what boys are supposed to do." Don't make a big deal out of it, and he won't make a big deal out of it either. Thomas loves the color pink. A few times in preschool last year, he wore his sister's pink sandals to school. He wanted his toenails painted because his sister had hers painted. He knows he can't wear her dresses, so he doesn't even ask. He hasn't worn girl clothes in public lately, but he wears nightgowns and pink jammies to bed sometimes, and Cherish will wear his boy jammies. No harm done. Don't worry. Wearing pink won't make a guy gay. If it did, I know several yuppie fathers who would be gay right now. lol.

As far as being sensitive, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with crying when you're 4 or 5 years old, regardless of your gender. If he's crying about things that he shouldn't just to get attention, then you can ignore it, and he'll stop. I've had that problem with Cherish.

And I agree with PP. If he does turn out to be gay when he grows up, that's his business.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

My ds did this too. I have more than a few pics of him in his sister's dress up clothes. She dressed up and got told how darling she was, so why wouldn't he be in the same clothes? Smile But he is all boy now at 6.5, its all star wars, and fighting, much to his sister's dismay (though he does like playing Barbies with her, thank goodness she has a few ken's, or I would have to buy some lol). Smile

I'm sorry your mom is ignorant about it all. Wink

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3015

:lurk: (I'll confess, I check this board out a lot. I have 3 kids and want 4-6 total.)
My son is about the same age (4 in Dec) with no sisters, and he loves pink and purple and asks to wear dresses (I almost never wear dresses). He likes flowers and butterflies better than cars and trucks. Sparkles are especially awesome. I think it's like the PP said, those things are pretty and fun. And in our case pink is novel because we don't have a lot of it around. I wouldn't worry too much. Except about your mom. I hope she can leave you, and your son, alone.

WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

My five year old gets jealous that I get to wear make-up and have babies, no joke. If he only knew what having a baby fully entailed, lol. I think it's just play and idolizing his older sisters. Smile And if not, then that's ok, too. Smile

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Just to give a little update on Thomas, this morning, DH was joking with him and suggesting he wear his sister's Hello Kitty shoes when he couldn't find his sandals. He said, "Nooooo! I can't wear those! They're girl shoes!" He's five now. A year ago, he was wearing his sister's pink shoes to preschool.