I really need some help and advice with my daughter who is 7 going on 21! She is my oldest and in 2nd grade. She is a tiny little shy girl who is very loving.
The last few months she has been very mean and rude and a lot of back talk. Time outs are not working and we have moved to grounding her. Which I hate but hey. She might be grounded for 1 night and that means no toys or tv and must stay upstairs.
She will no longer help around the house and yells at me and says she hates me. The teacher says there is nothing going on in class and she says the playground helpers don't see anything. But I am worried.
It's getting to be a lot. She is very mean and I don't know where it is coming from. We are not mean in anyway. We don't spank or hit and no bad words are used.
What else can I do? Anyone have any trouble with this? Do I need to be more forcefull? I am going to be talking to the Dr because this is just not like her.
Hugs hon. I feel your pain. I have a sweet oldest daughter as well. She is 9 and in 3rd grade (missed the deadline by a few weeks) and this last year she has become much more drama than we are used to. My first grader sounds very much like your daughter, unwilling to help (my dd is not great with getting her chores done either, but he fights me more), yells at me, and if I hear, "this is the worst day of my life" one more time, I am taking him to homeless shelter. I am kind of at my wits end, posted on facebook today, looking for parenting book suggestions, because I need something different. So no advice, but I feel your pain!
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.
SOmetimes the kids seem to go through these phases...and Im betting there is some underlying issue that is bothering her. Once my son came home and acted out to everyone..and after much pressing come to find out another child had leveled him on the playground and he was really upset and embarrassed about it...none of the teachers or aides had witnessed this...but ALL of his friends had seen it. I would try to talk to her...see if you can get to the heart of the problem...and until then...have set rules that do not waiver. If she breaks a rule...there is a consequence. Talking back, not doing chores, fighting with siblings...we would be disciplining each of those things...but Im betting if this is a big change from her normal...she has something else going on...so I would gently try to talk to her!! Good luck!!
I completely agree with Amy. There might be some issue that is happening some anxiety trigger. Just recently my super sweet, super patient 6 year old turned to a very needy, tantruming first grader. I noticed it at home especially during homework and so did the teacher. I actually had a heart to heart with Chloe and told her that I noticed that she has been crying a lot, telling us she hates us and also has acted meanly to her sisters. I said: " I want my sweet, patient Chloe back."
She started bawling and told me that she " is stupid" b/c she can't do math as fast as jasmine ( her friend) she also revealed that "everybody" thinks she is a baby b/c the always pick her up ( people in her class. She IS tiny for her age).
So I emailed her teacher about my concerns and she told me that she will make sure nobody picks her up. She also works with her on math ( as do we, at home).
A huge weight was lifted off Chloe's shoulders as we continue to work with her and talk to her. She is much better now, although she still has days when she throws fits if she "thinks" that she is not as smart as she "should" be.
What I am trying to say is - there is something bothering your DD on top of the hormonal changes that are happening ( I believe that girls start their changes much earlier than boys).
Usually when a kid starts acting meanly, it's b/c they are hurting inside.
I would try to spend some time just being together with her and approach the subject in a roundabout way. If that doesn't work, I would directly say to her that you have noticed how angry she has been lately and you were worried that something is bothering her.
With my older boys, they want to act all mucho so I have to be tricky when asking about bullies. They don't want to "snitch". i have to say things like: " are any kids "jerks" in your school...?" Then I lead it into :" have they done anything "jerky" to you?"
I have found out a bunch of info that way....
Good luck and big hugs. I really think that dealing with kids' emotions is the most difficult part of parenting. Give me midnight feedings anytime!
Thank you so much ladies, I am worried about her so I am going to be looking into things a little deeper. I hate to see her like this because this is not her. She is so mean and nasty and I hate to say that about her.
We will be talking to her one on one at a dinner soon and seeing what's going on and how we can help.
Anymore advice I would love to hear. I remember growing up and a lot of it was not fun and I want my girls to be happy and care free!
We have a zero tolerance policy for mean talk. When a child says something mean, they are to apologize immediately. There are other consequences to bad behavior. For instance, if you refuse to help set the table, you can sit and watch everyone else eat and think about your actions, then you can eat. (We usually let them join us after they have sat there for a few minutes and then decide to apologize.) If you are going to be rude, you can go to your room until you are ready to be nice. You can also give rewards to the kids that help around the house, and when she wants her reward, explain to her that unfortunately she doesn't get one, because she didn't help. My kids don't have the option. They do the chores that they are asked to do. Some they get paid for, and some they don't. (My kids rarely just up and volunteer to help without being asked.)
Don't get me wrong, I agree that there's likely something going on emotionally. I don't think I'd chalk it up to hormones. I think a lot of times women (and girls) have legitimate issues, and they are blamed on hormones. It's one way that men can de-legitimize our opinions and feelings. Plus, she's only 7. There is a lot of peer pressure for girls at a younger and younger age, especially around body image. My four-year-old was asking me about getting thin and telling me that if she eats too much she gets fat. I never said anything remotely like that to her. She had to pick it up from peers.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I thought I'd put it out there FWIW.
Deb ................. DH Norm
DS Caleb, 13 ...... DS Patrick, 12
DS Isaiah, 8 ......... DS Thomas, 7
DD Cherish, 6....... DD Emily, 7\18\13 ....... Ripple, 17
William, 14 weeks, 4/11/12
I agree that maybe something is bothering her and she's just not talking about it. My DD is only 3 so I'm not much help there (I have older boys, but I know that boys and girls are different, so no issues with them like what you're describing)... although DD is already very much a diva, so God knows whats yet to come lol. Have you tried asking her why she's so upset lately? If you come to find out there really is nothing new going on that's bothering her, maybe you're not being forceful enough. She needs to understand that saying "I hate you" is completely unnaceptable and will not be tolerated. Good luck!
Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
Reagan - 10/2/02
Maximus - 3/10/05
Liberty - 12/11/08
My angel in Heaven 1/7/13