not REALLY a large family issue....
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Thread: not REALLY a large family issue....

  1. #1
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    Default not REALLY a large family issue....

    but it is for me...because Ive had so many kids. Lately Im feeling like an OLD mother. I have friends in my neighborhood my age...their kids are in high school and middle school....me too....I have 2 kids in middle school. Some moms my age have kids in elementary school....me too....I have 3 kids in elementary school. I dont have a lot of friends my age with kids still in preschool...but there are a few...they are probably just a little younger than me. But...when I go to parks, story time...etc etc....it seems like Im the oldest mom in the room. All the other moms are in their mid- late 20's maybe early 30's. That was me too....10 years ago. But now Ive got kids in both ends...and I seem to be the minority out and about. Today...Im at the park with my 3 littles and 2 5'9 blondes probably 115 pounds each and in their late 20's walked onto the park with their 1 kid each....they just stared at me. I am 5'3 pregnant...horrible brown hair that has not been cut in ages because I have not had a chance to go to the salon. I had a flannel on...they were decked out...make up dressed nice...I felt like a troll!!! Anyways...even if I were 10 years younger...I obviously did not have their genetics...but I have just been noticing that I dont quite fit in anymore at the preschool "stuff". Its weird....because I DO know there are lots of us older women still having kids...but how come I dont see them out? Maybe they work? Maybe they dont do the preschool outing things....but I wish I had someone in my boat! All the other moms my age in my neighborhood...they get their kids to school...then about 7 of them take about an hour long walk and gossip..then they break into their little groups and go out to lunch, shopping, nails done...etc etc....Im the only one home caring for my littles. But know what...I wouldnt have it any other way! Sorry this is so long...not even really a vent...because im not mad....just observing...
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    I empathize with being the odd one out. It sucks. Around here though, I'm the younger mom and I seem to be surrounded by older moms I'm 30, expecting #5, and to completely throw a wrench into things - I work... I never meet anyone in my situation. If ever do meet a younger mom with a biggish family, they don't work.

    Totally not helpful to your situation, but I guess we all feel like the weird one

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    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    The good thing is that we are each unique! Heaven forbid everyone fit the same mould.

    There certainly are the various stages. I remember well pushing my son on swings. When his sister arrived 5 years later, HE was the one who pushed her in the swing. I was sick of it by then. I enjoyed playing with my kids at the park and so did their Dad. My aunt visited from France and asked me why the mothers all spoke to each other and didn't play with their children.... Good question. She couldn't even speak English, but they enjoyed each other enormously and played with the drinking fountain, chased each other's shadows together, studied insects, made things with sand and climbed the ladders and so on. They understood each other just fine.

    By the time the kids were in school, the mothers were playing tennis or skiing together. I was teaching ESL and Literacy.

    Then the inevitable next stage, parents getting ill and passing away. That was a really heavy time. I was fortunate that my teenagers were not horribly difficult. They were quite fascinating in fact!

    So don't imagine that you'll have time for the sorority life with a large family. Certainly there is time for friendships and activities. You get to choose who the most important folks are that you want surrounding you. Along your journey you will likely find a few souls similar to you, but even if not, there can be solid amazing friendships with single old folks too! Do you really want to be dressed in Armani clothes? Maybe you'd rather not have pablum on every piece of clothing, but there is an in-between stage I think.

    I'm close to 70 now. I still don't fit a mould...and I like it that way.
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    Posting Addict pico83's Avatar
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    I always feel weird, too, but I'm on the early end of the spectrum. Most of the moms I meet at preschool type groups are 10+ years older than I am. I had my first at 24, which is perfectly reasonable, but it's pretty young for my area. And it doesn't help that I'm tiny and at 28 (according to some) still look like I could be in my late teens. Kids with whom I went to school are slowly getting married, but none of them have kids. I'm walking a very different path. But, you know... I like it. I've heard too many people say "I wish I started earlier". And I've heard too many say "I wish I could have more, but I'm too old".

    I'm not sure any of that helps, but I think everyone feels left out sometimes. And don't worry about not looking perfect, I'm sure your kids would prefer you playing with them to spending time putting on makeup and choosing your outfit!
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    Posting Addict boilermaker's Avatar
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    Um, I've seen your pictures, you'll never convince me EVER that you remotely resembled a troll. Not possible....

    That said, I think we are all unique. I'm all alone in my world, too. I am the WOHP and my dh stays home full time. None of my colleagues have a similar arrangement (none of them have more than 2 kids, either....) I'm on the road a fair bit, too.....so I get questions all.of.the.time. about "how can you leave your babies at home while you work?!?!" I don't abandon them, I leave them with their daddy who loves them as much as me. Nobody questions dads who raise kids and work full time.....and travel.

    ((HUGS)) Your kids are so lucky to have you. I hope you find a place where you feel comfy. We are the odd ducks in our circle bc we have so many, but to each their own. I can't imagine my home with only two kids and they can't fathom five.
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    It is so true that the world is soo much more interesting BECAUSE of how unique everyone is!! Its funny...we are all very different...yet we are all the same.. I guess we all feel like the odd one at times. I would never fit in with the sorority in my neighborhood that does their mani's, pedi's, tennis, lunch, shopping....if there is ever a day when I dont have to be home...I would HAVE to go back to some sort of work. It will never be my personality to hang out like that. One mom keeps saying to me, "you must be ready to have the kids in school by now"...and I said to her, "I like having them home!" She is one of those moms that feels tortured when she has to be around her kids too much. She is very nice...but we are obviously NOTHING a like!
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    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
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    I hear ya! I'm 44, babycakes, and I've got the preschool aged kid and the high school kid, and a bunch in between, and another on the way. I totally feel like a square peg at my kids' school, and there are very few moms at school I actually socialize with because I'm just not interested in the cliques. I finally quit my MOMS club this year, after 9 years of membership, because I just don't feel like I fit in anymore. Most of the moms in that group are in their 20s and 30s and I feel like an old fogey, and frankly, I have a hard time relating these days to first-time-mom drama. Even my closest friends in my age group stopped having kids years ago, but fortunately we've found common ground elsewhere. But I do think I'm somewhat of an oddity to them
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    Posting Addict mandi04's Avatar
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    I'm on the opposite end, with 4 kids in my 20s and a lot of people say I look young for my age so i get looks of shock when I mention I have 4. Seems most moms are older and there really aren't many people who have more than 2. I just feel like I get a lot of judgement, though I've pretty much given up on the playgroups and such. At least at this point I'd rather play with my kids than worry about the mommy cliques
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    I'm different too!!!! I'm 38 and I have a 10 year old down to a 20 month old (ok, ok, ok, I know 2 of them aren't biologically mine but they are still "mine"). AND I work full time. In fact I'm the one who makes more than my DH (how's that for different???) Yup - not a single middle of the road, average, 2-point-anything in my life!

    Plus I'm back in school now earning my master's degree. Yup, that's right, you can say it, I'm nuts

    There are lots of SAHM's in my neighborhood and I just don't fit in. I can't speak to the things they speak to (because I'm not usually home to watch TV or go to the library or gym during the day). So I try my best without putting in too much effort to take part in conversations and then I head off to grab an ice cold beer (well, sometimes I do).

    I also generally look a bit troll-ish compared to some of these women (I'm a 5'3" brunette too - nothing wrong with that!!!)

    You'r gorgeous. period. Feel good aobut you. We all have different situations and what makes it really special is when we can all appreciate those differences. And if someone can't appreciate them then they aren't worth the hair spray sitting on their perfectly couffed curls
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    I know how you feel, and I'm one of those 29 year olds lol (well, I wish I weighed 115... but other than that lol)!! I always feel like I'm the oldest 29 year old in the world... mom to 4 kids (6 counting my step-sons). You have to remember, though, there's a world of difference between having one child (or even two) and having six! It's hard to find time in the day to take a shower, much less actually be able to go out and do anything for yourself like getting your hair or nails done! There's just way too much to do in the day! And God forbid, those of us that have to work full time as well?? I haven't been to a movie since November, had my hair done since October, nor had a mani/pedi since JULY!!! It's very disheartening to think about sometimes, and I let it upset me a lot. There's this one woman that I've known for years as a casual aquaintance (we used to work together and now her daughter goes to my sons' school), and every day that she comes to get her daughter she's decked out in designer amazing clothes, has her nails done, spray tan, hair done, designer shades, and pulls away in her Mercedes (what kills me is that she doesn't work and isn't married... so here come the questions lol), and she's probably five years older than me! It's hard to stand there and talk to her as I'm in my sweats with my hair pulled back trying to wrangle my four kids together to get home and continue the endless cleaning, homework, dinner, and being up twice a night with a newborn just to start it all over in the morning (and go to work myself!)!! It's exhausting just thinking about it. But in the end, the happiness that they bring me (most of the time, anyway... lol) is amazing and well worth all the drama. So bottom line (sorry I'm so long winded), we all have our own issues, no matter what the age lol!
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