what was your "plan"?

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pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3014
what was your "plan"?

I've been kind of wondering how many set out to have a big family and how many just had it kind of happen. I'll admit, it's been set off by DS1 announcing he wants 11 babies in our family... then proceeding to tell me what gender the others are supposed to be and what months they're supposed to be born. Lol If it weren't for DH (who doesn't really want a big family) he might be able to talk my into it. My original plan was 4 but now I'm thinking 5-6 sounds better. It all depends on how many I can talk DH into having. He kind of wants to stop at 3.

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

We never planned on having lots of kids, never really crossed my mind actually. I really, really think that has Deacon and Truman NOT been twins, we may have stopped at 2. But since we went right to 3 and that is a whole different ballgame, we just kept going. It feels right for us and it feels like where we should be even if it was not what we originally planned to do Smile

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

We always planned on 4 close together and then waiting a bit before doing anything permanent, just to be sure. Anyways, we had our 4 and then as we approached the end of our "waiting period" (we didn't want any big spaces), I just sort of felt not sure. Well, one month later, I was pregnant. I'm excited about this baby, but very definitely feel done after this one. DH's snip is booked and on the calendar Smile

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1007

We always said 4-5 from the very beginning. #4 just arrived last week so can't say for sure yet if we'll go in for 5 but--and don't get me wrong, I love my boys but I'd love one more girl. I know there is no guarantee #5 would be a girl and even if it were to be a fourth boy we would be done. But since we said 4-5 I think I'll go for that chance :). But yes, I've always wanted a bigger family.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I've always wanted a big family. I had kind of settled on 4 by the time I was an adult but dh was set on 2. Well our first two were girls so convincing dh to go for a third was easy and then he waited a little too long to go for that vasectomy and we got 4. He knows at this point I'd have more but he had his vasectomy already so unless we get a miracle we're done.

Joined: 07/20/08
Posts: 40

I come from a big family, so I always knew I wanted more than just one. I really thought 4 was a good number for a long time. DH always said 2. We got to 2 and realized we weren't done. Then we continued on from there without any sort of solid plan until we got to now, where we're expecting #6.

At this point, I feel like I'm ready to move out of this stage. This whole being pregnant and trying to balance homeschooling...it's been rough sometimes. Combined with the fact that I've been pregnant or nursing most of the last 8 or so years, I'm to the point that I want my body back, I'm done, shop's closed, etc. But in a few months or even a few years will I change my mind again? Maybe. I've gone through this exact same thing every time, so we'll see where we are then.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

I always said that I wanted 4 or 5. Dh had 2 in mind, but was open to more.....

We had two, then a surprise pg that we lost, and then we knew we wanted more. After we had our 3rd, we still wanted another. #5 was a bit of a surprise, but a happy surprise (turns out we're not that good at preventing.)

I can honestly say that I'm feeling pretty done. Like others, with the exception of about 6 months, I've been pregnant or nursing since 2002 and I'm feeling ready to be "done" Wink I also really felt like a boy was missing from our family, and really longed for a brother for our first son, Miles. Now that we are having a boy, I'm feeling more complete about things....

Joined: 09/02/05
Posts: 994

Dh and I both come from large families (6 kids) and said from the beginning that we wanted six. I was convinced I was done when I was pg with #6, but once he was born I wasn't so sure....I felt as though someone was missing. Then last fall when we would go places as a family I was constantly having to count to make sure that we weren't missing anyone because it felt like we were. Dh was also having those feelings. Since I knew there was another one I wanted to have it sooner rather than later--I didn't want there to be a huge age gap between #6 and the last. So here we are pregnant with #7 and I feel that we are done. I am ready to move on to the next stage of life. I, too, am ready to have my body back. I have been pregnant or nursing for 3/4 of our marriage. I will miss having a newborn in our home...there is just a special spirit that comes with having a new baby in the house.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

Like many have said 4 was our number...but we had them close together and I was young when we stopped...after a couple years I knew I wanted another..so we had #5 who is my wonderful Will. We decided to have another for even numbers...we had a girl (Ava) and said we were done. I accidentally got pregnant again...and was terribly upset...and just when I finally came around and was excited and ready for another...I had a miscarriage. So...I told dh I wanted to end on a happy note...not a mc....I wanted 1 more. He agreed to it, and we had little Ella. After Ella, we were open to 1 more...as we really like even numbers. We had Jacob which also evened our gender teams...to 4 boys and 4 girls. We said we were probably done but didnt do anything to permanent. But..now we are pregnant again...happily. I will never ever feel upset when finding out I am pregnant again even if it is a surprise...I felt so guilty when I had the mc...because of how I felt so negative about being pregnant again. I almost felt like I was responsible for losing the baby. After that...I swore I would just be thankful for the blessing...even if it was a surprise! I will be 39 when this baby is born...so I think that we will not go on to even the score again...and really....this actually DOES even the score for gender. Because we lost our first son (he passed due to extreme prematurity...born at 24 weeks) this makes 5 girls and 5 boys for me...but at home it will be 5 girls and 4 boys. Although...our dog is a boy...so that counts too...right? Anyways...once again..I say we are PROBABLY done after this...although nothing permanent has been done! Smile

Lots-o-Tots's picture
Joined: 01/29/06
Posts: 574

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd end up with this many kids. I know I went through a period as a teen when I decided I didn't want to have ANY kids. Then I got married at 19 and began to long to be a mother, but it was 10 more years before I had my first, due to my first husband continuing to put off trying, and then dealing with several years of fertility issues (his). When our marriage broke up just a couple years after Kevin was finally born, I resigned myself to the possibility that he would be my only child. Then Michael came along, and we married, and we both wanted more kids and already both being well into our 30s by then, we started trying right away and Joey was born before our first anniversary. We talked about having two kids together, making it a total of 3 with Kevin - and honestly because of our ages, I couldn't fathom going beyond that. Then we tried for #3 and got twins! Suddenly we had 4 kids - more than either one of us imagined! Then we just got used to a certain level of chaos, I guess, and we talked about maybe having "just one more" after the twins, and then I discovered I was already pregnant with Lilah. Finn was also a surprise, though not a huge one - Michael wanted to be done, I wanted another, and nobody did anything to prevent it, so, there you go. This one has been the shock of all shocks because we really thought Michael was sterile after going through cancer treatment. So, no, I never dreamed I would have such a large family, but I'm very happy with the way things have turned out.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

With me it definitely just happened. I never really talked about it with my first husband, although we planned baby #1. Well long story short, #2 was a whoops with my current DH (he has two from his first marriage, too), #3 was planned, as we desperately wanted a girl and did all of the research we could on it (the other four are all boys!). We got our princess and DH said he was definitely done... but lo and behold last year we got another "whoops" and Trystan arrived two months ago! So no, I never really sat and had a conversation with either DH as to how many kids we wanted (truthfully, I think DH would have stopped with our boys, but he knew how desperately I wanted a daughter, so he caved). Honestly though, if DH made good money and I could be a SAHM I would love to have one or two more... I can dream...

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

5 has always been my number. I am rather anti-conform, and 4 seems to be everyone's number around here, so I wanted 5. Actually when I was in high school I wanted 10 (and being the second of 8, and helping raise my siblings, I knew somewhat what I was getting into lol). Anyhow.... we had our first two and knew we wanted more, and then had two m/c and infertility problems, so I wondered if I would only have two. But deep inside, I KNEW I was going to have twins at some point (so much so that one of my losses I had a 7wk u/s and was extremely surprised to see only one baby). Now we have four, and I really do want another girl, though I know there is no guarantee, and I usually still want one more. But somedays I feel so very very overwhelmed. Toddler twins are really a handful and I feel stretched so thin somedays, I don't think right now I could handle anymore, but then again, I don't want a huge gap, since that would probably be our last. I waffle a lot. lol. I think dh always wanted 3 or 4, and after the hospital bedrest with the twins and the scary placenta previa with #2, he is frightened of having more.. but I do think he may be coming around... just a bit. lol.

so yes, a large family has always been in the plans, though not as large as some here. Smile

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I always wanted 16. A mixture of my own, adopted and fostered. I always imagined I'd have a son first, and a daughter last. I don't know why though! LOL

My DH is an only child, of an only child, of an only child, of an only child. On our first "date" DH told me he only wanted one, maybe two at most. I told him if he was only willing to have one or two then we might as well drink up and go our separate ways! LOL We compromised on definitely one, probably two, and take it from there... But actually my DH has been the major factor for carrying on and having 7 children - he's also the one majorly campaigning to TTC #8!

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

It wasn't our plan well we really didn't have a plan. I got married at 19 to DH and I already had Jesse from my high school sweetheart. My DH didn't want kids until he was finished with an intense miltary training and assignment which promised overseas deployments. Understanding as I am I agreed it wasn't a good time. When we got assigned to a teaching position/no deployment assignment we revisited the idea and again HE wasn't ready. He wanted to wait until he separated from the miltary and get the next career started which he is in now. So I again agreed. He got the dream job and after moving away from new Orleans after hurricane Katrina he finally gave in and we started TTC. We had Jacob just 10 months after moving and, just likei knew it would be, DH fell hard for his son and was on board to TTC ASAP. Then we had Ethan 15 months after Jacob. We took an 10 month break but I knew I wanted one more and DH was good with it. So we TTC and we got Eli. After Eli turned one I began to think we were done. Three little ones and a teenager was a lot to handle. But then I wasn't on BC and I was trying to NFP(it had been working for the previous 6 months) I thought we were safe one month when I think now I o'd three days later than normal so we got our fifth boy. I had my hopes the entire pregnancy for a girl knowing this was the last baby.

Now as long as the doc did a good job tying my tubes we are done. And I'm completely fine with it. I'm ready to move on. I feel so tied down with nursing and infants. We are happy we decided to have them so close together. I don't think DH ever thought he'd have 4 boys and 1 DSS. We both come from 2child families. I gave a sister, he has a brother.

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

We never really planned the exact number of children we were going to have. We knew we wanted to adopt and have DIY kids too. And I always wanted a large family. I just didn't have a specific number in mind.