XP People and their mouths

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Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1006
XP People and their mouths

speaking before their brain kicks in! So, dh and I are way excited to be having another boy. We have two, we know boys are wonderful! Yes, it would have also been nice to have a girl-give dd the sister that she wanted, use my girl stuff again. BUT ITS A HEALTHY BABY!! I have had SEVERAL people hear that we are having another boy and have their reaction be "oh, I'm sorry" or "oh, bummer" What the heck, people! After several m/c's, I'm just happy the baby is healthy and growing! Even if we were not planning on more kids (which we always were) I'd be happy with 3 boys and 1 girl.

I went to a baby shower for one of my very best friends who is moving next week (due in November) so we had it early (it was just a "sprinkle", as she has 3 other kids). At that party were a bunch of mutual friends, but not ones I really do anything with or see more than just in passing at church or other gatherings. One of them (who has 2 boys and then a girl) was the one to say "oh, I'm sorry" complete with a reassuring tap on my shoulder. I said "um, why? We're really happy to have a boy". She seemed shocked and said "oh, well...as long as you're happy, that's great" I would think she would "get it" since she lost a little girl right before her dd at like 17 weeks. I then told her that we always have a chance if we want to try for another girl, since we are not done. She seemed shocked that I am pregnant with #4 and talking about #5 (which was ALWAYS our plan--at least 5 with the last 2 being 18m-2y apart).

It just makes me frustrated. And I'm wondering if it is a gender thing. If I had 2 girls and 1 boy, would it be the same if I were pg with another girl? I actually asked a few of my friends at church today--one who had 2 girls and a boy and then a baby girl last year. She said no one every apologized to her, the most they said was "oh, your poor boy to be the only one" not like "poor YOU to have another girl". I talked to another friend who has the exact same as me--boy, girl, boy (almost the same ages too!) and is pg due in Dec with a boy. I asked about reactions she had and she said she has had people tell her sorry too, but she said she understood because she had told those people they were hoping for a girl and to be done, but now she's thinking about a 5th to have another girl.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant. I just am getting sick of people opening their mouths without using their brains.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I would be frustrated too. I must say I was hoping for one of each with the twins, and I know my kids were too. However when we found out both babies were healthy we were so happy, cause yes, after two consecutive losses, you are just so happy to be having a baby! I think that dad's with three daughters and 1 son get the "I'm sorry's" too. Somehow ppl assume parents want kids of their own gender or something. But I like that you tell them how it is! Smile Congrats on your boy! So are you sharing which names are in the running??

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

Hugs. I have heard it too back when I had 3 boys, one girl and was pregnant with a boy.

I had come backs like: " I get to spoil my only daughter then" or " she will be well protected"...

It is sad that people discriminate against a baby who isn't born based on his or her sex!
Next time maybe say something like : " We are expecting a very loved and much anticipated baby boy, we can't wait to meet him!" followed by: " we waited so long for him, he is our miracle baby" That should put them in their place.

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1006

"rachelrazzle" wrote:

I would be frustrated too. I must say I was hoping for one of each with the twins, and I know my kids were too. However when we found out both babies were healthy we were so happy, cause yes, after two consecutive losses, you are just so happy to be having a baby! I think that dad's with three daughters and 1 son get the "I'm sorry's" too. Somehow ppl assume parents want kids of their own gender or something. But I like that you tell them how it is! Smile Congrats on your boy! So are you sharing which names are in the running??

I understand that--I was hoping more toward a girl this time too for a few reasons...we have 3 bedrooms for one, and 2 boys in one and only dd in the other. Which means she'll be sharing with baby anyways because there is more room in there for him. I also have some cute girl stuff I would love to use again, and dd wanted a sister (and so did ds1--he said he wanted boy girl boy girl and since he already had a little brother, he wanted dd to have a sister--sweet!) But it was just a "it would be nice, but..." thought.

OH, and names...yes. So far here is our first go at a list of names. Opinions at all?

Jeremiah
Isaac
Jedediah
Oakley
Parker

I have a favorite, but I'll tell you all later, after unbiased opinions Smile And for middle name we don't have anything, but thought of Thomas after dh's dad.

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

I just commented on your January post...lol Smile I'll put it here, too~

oh, i just HAD to chime in on this Smile people were legitimately sad for us when we found out sawyer was a boy. i was always like, "Um...why???" I LOVED being a mom of all boys and was so excited to add him to our brood! It was even worse when we had Elliot. All kinds of dumb comments like, "You finally got your girl" and thing like that. Yes, like I had just been popping those boys out and throwing them to the side until I FINALLY got my girl. *insert hugest eye roll ever* No, we finally got our 5th child...gender mattered not! And gender doesn't matter this time either. People are just plain silly when it comes to stuff like this...

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2775

Having just delivered my 6th son & only having 1 girl I totally GET what your saying! Yes, I was sad that she wouldn't get a sister but I was never sad that I was pregnant with a healthy, perfect little boy. I also get completely annoyed that ppl think we have so many children b/c we were hoping for a girl - we have lots of children because we WANT lots of children. I suppose there is a reason assuming start with a$$ lol Wink Try and brush the stupid comments off, but I know it's not always easy to do.

:bighug:

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1006

I knew you all would get it!

Yes, I'm brushing them off. I'm happy to be having a boy and that's all that matters. And yes, we will have more, and to have more babies...not more of one or the other!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

"Chimmy" wrote:

Having just delivered my 6th son & only having 1 girl I totally GET what your saying! Yes, I was sad that she wouldn't get a sister but I was never sad that I was pregnant with a healthy, perfect little boy. I also get completely annoyed that ppl think we have so many children b/c we were hoping for a girl - we have lots of children because we WANT lots of children. I suppose there is a reason assuming start with a$$ lol Wink Try and brush the stupid comments off, but I know it's not always easy to do.

:bighug:

This! I had major issues in my last pregnancy because of people's comments about "another boy". It made me so depressed and so upset I didn't really get to enjoy it very much as I let it bother me.

Just ignore them - who cares what the idiots say, so long as you are happy!

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

People make all kinds of ignorant comments. And they do it in front of the kids, too. How do they think it makes my boys feel when they say, "Are you going to try for another girl?" I just tell them I love my boys and I don't need to "try" for a girl. We joke now that the only way we could get a girl was to adopt one, but ironically we only have Cherish because she came with Isaiah, whom we would have adopted even if he hadn't had a sister.

Joined: 10/21/03
Posts: 172

"Chimmy" wrote:

Having just delivered my 6th son & only having 1 girl I totally GET what your saying! Yes, I was sad that she wouldn't get a sister but I was never sad that I was pregnant with a healthy, perfect little boy. I also get completely annoyed that ppl think we have so many children b/c we were hoping for a girl - we have lots of children because we WANT lots of children. I suppose there is a reason assuming start with a$$ lol Wink Try and brush the stupid comments off, but I know it's not always easy to do.

:bighug:

EXACTLY!!! I couldn't have said it better myself! I was and still am sad that dd doesn't have a sister because I have 4 of my own sisters and wish she could have sisters to have a similar relationship with. But I have never not wanted any of my sons, nor have I ever been upset that I was having boys instead of girls. Boy/girl, doesn't matter so long as the baby is healthy.

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

I totally understand! I had two losses after my 2nd DS. When my u/s showed a healthy baby boy I was thrilled! I was just so happy to be pregnant and I really didn't care about the sex. I told someone at work and she got a sad look on her face, hugged me and said "I'm sorry". I was in shock. Why would she be sorry I was having a healthy baby? We didn't find out the sex of DS4 but all I heard during my pregnancy was "oh, maybe you'll get your girl this time!" . It was irritating. When we found out #5 was another boy, we got even more rude comments. A friend of mine said "Well, I guess I have to take back the girl outfit I got. I had high hopes." Like I failed or something. My sweet baby boy was not a mistake! He was a blessing! Now we hear all the time "Are you going to try for a girl?". I just say, "We'd like one more baby." Would I like to have a girl? I'm not going to lie, I'd love to have a girl. But are we having another baby just to try for one? No. I adore my boys and feel incredibly blessed to have them. If God blesses us with a girl, that's great. If we have another boy, that's great too. I just wish people would think before they speak.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

People should definitely learn to keep their comments to themselves. I feel kind of the opposite of you though, as I wanted girls every time I got pregnant, and thankfully after two boys I got my girl... just to get pregnant again (a whoops!) and it's another boy! It took me a while to get over the sadness. People are just different I guess... but should definitely learn when to keep their traps shut about others personal family choices.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I don't know why people just can't keep the negative thoughts to themselves. I do think it'd be similar with 3 girls and a boy though. When I was pregnant this last time before we found out the sex I got all sorts of comments about 'poor Josiah, he'll be surrounded by girls!' and comments about my 'poor dh' and we didn't even *know* the gender yet. I can't imagine if we actually found out it was another girl. I had no real preference, we had a girl name and girl clothes sure are cute but at the same time I thought it'd be nice for ds to get a brother and we're also in a 3 bedroom so it worked out nice that way but I wouldn't have been upset with another girl either.
I do love my little boys, I always wanted all girls before I had kids but there's just something about my little boys that just melts my heart Smile

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

I too get it. I have a DD - the oldest then a DS and 2 DSS's so when we had our last together and we found out it was a boy my own mother said, "oh, well, I guess that's not much to celebrate then. I mean we have a ton of boys". I have 1 neice and 3 nephews - hence the "ton of boys" comment. I know she didn't mean it the way it came out but still - ugh.

That didn't help my feelings either. I too wanted a girl. I was bummed when the u/s showed boy (actually I think I cried a little). It's not that I didn't want a boy I just wanted a girl. Like Krystal it took me some time to get over it.

Bleh.

Whatever. Mason is awesome and I wouldn't change him for anything.

I would, if I could, try for a girl Wink One more would be great (actually one more of either would be great). But alas, we are done.

Enjoy all your children, boy or girl they are all beautiful.

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