you know...

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Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722
you know...

how with a big family...people always say, "so...are you done now?" well...I have had that happen now twice since I have been pregnant...and Im NOT ready to tell people yet (not until after my 11 week NT scan) although Im starting to get a little belly..so Im going to have to get creative for hiding it. Im soo pathetic when I get that quesiton! I start stammering, blushing, shrugging my shoulders...anyone who saw THAT poker face is probably thinking "she is sooo pregnant again!" Its such a sad sad display of awkwardness! Wish I could get a response ready in my head...but I always am taken off guard...and I cant even look the people in the eye when I have this demonstration of Im a sucky liar. Kind of looking forward to Nov 30th coming and just coming out with it! lol! The principal at the preschool asked me yesterday...and God...I just wanted to say...NO IM NOT done...There is another baby coming in June! You should thank God...because Im just drumming up more business for your school! Smile lol!

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

lol! I totally could have written this post word for word!

People are constantly asking if we are having more and like you, I'm just not ready to spill the beans on this one. But, like you said, I'm always caught off guard and don't know what to say... What I need to say, is DH is seeing the urologist in the New Year! But, my brain freezes and I mutter something along the lines of "we aren't sure yet". Oy.

Soon enough though, I'll be showing more and I'll have to tell Smile

Lots-o-Tots's picture
Joined: 01/29/06
Posts: 574

It always amazes me how people want to make a person's reproductive choices their business. I think most people are just genuinely curious - because anything over 3 kids these days seems an oddity - but it's still nosey I think. I don't know, when people have asked me that - before I actually thought I WAS done - I would just shrug my shoulders and say "Who knows?" or "Never say never . . ." and leave it at that.

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I say: " I always think that I am done, until the next baby fever strikes"
Also: " Who knows, really!" with a bit of a laugh and eye roll.
Also Lisa's " never say never"...
If you feel a little braver, you could say: " OMG, if I got a dollar each time somebody asks me this question..."
Really, I must have gotten this quest. a hundred times while in the hospital with Nick.
Every nurse, janitor, doctor and resident asked it. I like the number 10, but I don't know if I am ready to quit.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Oh we always get this question. My standard answer was always, "Well, we said we'd quit when we got an ugly one. And Lexi sure is cute...."

Other times I would say, "It depends on the day you ask me. Some days I long for another, and other days I feel complete. We'll see what the future holds....."

So far, we haven't told others about this bean. We just told the kids last night, so I'm sure the onslaught will begin as they begin to tell their friends, teachers, neighbors, etc. At least the kids were thrilled. Smile As were our parents.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

Im so happy you have had a good response from your family Audra! Thats wonderful news!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I've had lots of ppl ask that since we've had the twins, I think they see one girl, one boy, and twins, you can't want more, or something. I just say I'm not really sure. Of course if I actually were pregnant, I'm sure I would do the embarrassed stammer, I am so not a good liar. lol

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

Urgh... I'm getting a little tired of hearing that question myself... I just reply with "Who knows!" or just a simple "Nope!" then walk away LOL. The reality is I probably am done (never say never though! LOL) if not for medical/health reasons then certainly for space and financial reasons.

e123vg's picture
Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 61

lol, i got this question after my first. i think it's so sad how people aren't greatful of procreation. i mean, i could see it if i wasn't responsible for my children or not financially set. i am a sahm i also plan on homeschooling. my husband has his own business and we own two homes. so why does anyone possibly care... arg. my friend gave me some bs about over population... again i think this is a problem in third world countries. not with responsible adults. oh well, you can't make everyone a believer.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

I get the over population, carbon footprint...ruining the world single handedly ALOT!! From my in laws especially. Sigh...oh well. Smile

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"boilermaker" wrote:

Oh we always get this question. My standard answer was always, "Well, we said we'd quit when we got an ugly one. And Lexi sure is cute...."

LOVE this answer! I think I'll have to steal it Smile

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

If anyone asks us if we are done, I usually just say "Maybe" or "Probably". Honestly, this time, we have really not had many negative reactions (to our faces anyway!). I think most people have just accepted that we are going to have a big family and are kind of over the shock of it each time!

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

How am I so lucky to avoid these rude people? Seriously, no one he's ever asked "are you done?".

They probably know I'd knock them out. And maybe I just give strangers the 'right' attitude that tells them to keep their nose out of my reproduction. Wink

Love the responses so far, though! If someone dared asked me, especially on an off day, I'm sure my response would not be rated for all audiences.

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

Christina, are you expecting your 4th? Really...you are still in the "socially accepted" number of children. I would bet that after this one you might start getting the question. If you have #5...I will almost GUARANTEE you will get the question! Seriously..there seems to be a socially acceptable cut off...once you pass it...all filters come off and people speak freely....so weird!!!!

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

No, I'm expecting #5 on January 3.

we have the added doozy of having a VERY large age gap: a 20 yr old, (almost) 18 year old twins, and an (almost) 2 year old.

But you'll notice a lot of the responses you received are from moms of 4 and even before they had 4 (or more) so perhaps it's not the socially acceptable aspect as much as the people and what they say to me.

I will say, I have never had a stranger touch my belly, I've never even been asked by a stranger how far along I am or when I'm due. Likewise, taking my NB's out, people don't stop me or try to touch my babies. I think I just have a way about me that lets people know.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I've gotten comments with EVERY one of my kids! With my first everyone thought we were too young, with my second everyone thought it was 'too soon', with my third people assumed we were done at 2 and with the 4th I had just told everyone we were done, DS1 was still young and everyone thought once we 'got our boy' we'd be done.
Even now, when I'm out with the boys during the day while my girls are at school I get people telling me I have my hands full. I kind of laugh under my breath that 2 is nothing Lol The comments really don't bother me though, I love my family and I wouldn't have it any other way. I always think about how they are missing out and they just don't understand. I've always been pretty good at not caring what 'everyone' thinks though.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Don't you love it when people say "Oh, you sure have your hands full!" When you only have a few of your kids with you. I always am sure to tell them-- "oh this is nothing, we left two at home", or "three is a cakewalk, their baby sister at home sleeping."

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

I actually didnt get it until my 4th was born...then it was "the question" everyone asked...ridiculous! you are very lucky that people have more respect for you...or that they dont want to annoy you Wink But the belly touching thing....I dont actually get that!! THANK GOD! Smile

e123vg's picture
Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 61

when i get the "you've got your hands full" i tell them it's how i stay so thin. nothing beats playing with kids all day to burn excess calories. Wink the only people that actually congratulate us are elderly couples and pro life activists. saying how proud they are, we are doing what god put us on this world to do. PROCREATE... i mean, it is the meaning of life. Wink

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

I actually have gotten pleasant comments as well. I had a man slam on his breaks when I was walking out of a pizza shop with 7 of the kids...he said to me, "are they all yours?" I said yes...plus one more...he said, "amazing...god bless you!! I think it is wonderful!!" I do have these on occasion too...isnt it funny...if only I could walk around feeling wonderful about the people who make the great comments as much as I walk around feeling the sting of people's mean comments. You know...that is what I have to do. I just have to focus on the good comments...try to remember each and every one of those...and forget the bad instead of vice versa Smile You all get the good too, dont you?

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I actually got a discount once at an oil changing place when i happened to have all of my kids with me. It was in the summer, we were going to somewhere and I just had to do the oil change first. The owner was there and got teary eyed b/c he came from family of 7 kids, but he couldn't have kids himself... and that's how he decided to give me a discount! Ha!

Joined: 07/27/06
Posts: 722

love it!

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

I get "Bless you" a lot and "You have your hands full." When they say that, I usually say, "Yes, I do, and I love it!"

The strangest comment I got from a stranger was when Thomas was a baby. An old man told me he used to make his own formula. I was so tempted to say, "What a coincidence! So do I!"