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carissar's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/22/07
Posts: 212

So I don't come and post here often, (sadly I forget this board is down here) Anyway I guess I am just looking for some support/advice/input here. So DH and I are both converts to the church a little over 3 years now. We have 2 children soon to be 3. DH works crazy hours with no set schedule so most of the time it is just me and the kiddos. Lately I have found myself very focused on haveing a home that is inviting of the Spirit and really trying hard to have family scripture time everyday etc. I find thought that this responsibility lands soley on me since DH is always at work, which is overwhelming and hard. There are days when DH will have an evening off, or a day off and when he does it just feels like scripture study, FHE, etc aren't at the top of his priority list. I know that these things are important to him, but I am tired of feeling like I am the one who has to put fourth all the effort to make these things happen. DH is a Priesthood holder and I want to feel like he is the head of our household and I would love for him to be our spiritual leader, but I want him to want that, I don't want to have to remind him, or push him into it. Does that make sense? For example DH actaully gets off of work tonight at 5:00 which is rare, so naturally my first thought was, "yay! he well be at FHE with us tonight!" As he is leaving for work he says, "Oh is it ok if I go play basketball tonight?" UGH!!! I didn't say yes or no I just said, "That is up to you." (he left with his gym bag so obviously he is choosing to go play). Case and point I want him to choose to come and have FHE with us...Or like yesterday he had to go into work at 6 a.m. so the kids and I were alone for GC and we watched a session and I was hoping he would get home in time to watch the second session with us, which he did, but he came home and went and took a nap Sad I know he was tired, but I wish he could have toughed it out for a couple hours to watch GC with us. I am at a loss at what to do here?? Nagging will not work in fact it will make him want to be resistant, and I don't want to be his mother. I have talked with him about having a home that invites the spirit and I know he wants that too, but it is like he doesn't make the personal choices and leaves it up to me. Do I just keep praying and fasting that he will become more spiritual?? I don't know?? Has anyone else delt with this? I just want my kids to have a father that is a strong spiritual leader to look up to and I know my DH has that in him, somewhere???

Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I think you are doing all the right things. You are doing what needs to be done, and hopefully your good example will help. But it might not hurt to have a little talk and let him know what things you are frustrated with. I did that as a missionary, companionship inventory, it helped work things out, sometimes. lol. I think it is great that you are a convert and doing so much, a lot of the time, by yourself!

sandraleigh's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/23/06
Posts: 2672

I agree that you are doing all this right things. You are probably doing better than I am and I am not a convert!

Maybe you could start with one small thing every day - like praying together as a couple. Even if it is not at the same time every day, just whenever you are both home! (I know how hard it is with a husband who is barely home, my DH has been working 90 hour weeks and we barely get to see him) Maybe if you just say "Can we say a prayer together?" every day when you manage to steal a minute together, eventually it will become like a habit, despite the crazy schedule. He may even notice a change in how he is feeling spiritually with the daily couple's prayer and start to miss it when it doesn't happen.

Keep trying! You are already setting a wonderful example for your kids.