More Ex Drama- Sorry, Long

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Joined: 09/05/08
Posts: 392
More Ex Drama- Sorry, Long

So, a few weeks ago, Colin said that he decided to go over to Vancouver Island to race/derby, so I booked a campsite nearby for the long weekend.

I e-mailed Sierra's father, said "I understand that the Sat. is your b-day, but I was hoping that you might be able to take her on the Thursday instead so that she could come camping with us for the weekend."

He said no. "It's my b-day, and I want her to be there."

It broke her heart. She was so upset that she couldn't come with us. Then I got a phone call on Sat. night, it was Sierra, and she was mad. J had left her to go to football practice(he coaches I think). I asked her what she did, and she said she stayed home with the girlfriend and helped take care of the baby. For a couple of hours.

So he won't let her come with us because he wants to spend his b-day with her, and then ditches her for football.

Am I totally out of line to think that a 38 year old man could have his b-day dinner a couple days early so his daughter can go away for the weekend? How do you all handle b-days? Are you sticklers for celebrating the day of? Or are you more loosey-goosey?

At our house, we don't worry about stuff like that. Cooper had his 1st b-day 3 weeks early, and his 2nd 1 month late. Colin has missed my last 2 b-days as well. Even Sierra had her party 2 weeks late one year. We just say oh well, we'll celebrate when we celebrate.

Then I get an e-mail from him today asking if we can switch days this weekend, because even though he didn't mention it, he has practice again, that's what Sierra said. Colin is derbying nearby on Sunday, so I think I'm going to tell him no. J was already tuned in about football practice last season, because he left Sierra IN THE TRUCK a couple times while he was busy. Sierra's counsellor told him that wasn't a good idea, and I told him that he needed to decide which was more important, Sierra or football, and that he needed to approach me about switching days if he wanted to do both. Not after he commits, but beforehand.

He makes comments about how he wants to spend more time with her, but then dumps her to go to football. And when I switched days a few weeks ago so Sierra could go to a b-day party on the Sat. he whined about why can't he take her? Well, do you want to spend time with her or not? I'm offering you to take her on Sunday and have a full day with her, instead of Sat. when you'd have her for like 3 hrs. then have to take her to the party and she'd come home to me afterwards. WTH???

wishing4agirl's picture
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

I don't blame you for being angry. I would too. That is rediculous at his age he can't switch. I mean we are at an age where we don't really "celebrate". It seems he's more interested in getting your "goat" than really spending time with her. Maybe he's doing it subconsciously, but he still needs to get over things and be more flexible in the parenting plans. That is the way life is. Is there an age in Canada where Sierra can legally tell the courts that she doesn't want to see him or make more decisions? :bigarmhug: Praying he grows up soon.

Terrapin's picture
Joined: 08/21/05
Posts: 713

That it a tough situation. It really does sound like he is being childish and doesn't have Sierra's best interest in mind. I'm sorry that you continually have to deal with this nonsense, and I am especially sorry that Sierra has to continually deal with this nonsense too. I hope he can grow up a little bit and see how his actions are hurting Sierra.

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554


Just wanted to add my support. I am a divorced and remarried mom too. We often have conflict over schedules and schedule switches. My ex always says he wants to spend time with the kids but then when he has them he's busy doing other things.

I have a tough time just getting him to spend time doing homework with them.

If the switch is beneficial to you then do it. If it's not then say no. You can add an explanation as to why you say no. Sometimes my ex will change his behavior (albeit temporarily) for the better when I explain how his actions (or inactions) have affected the kids.

GL - I hope you get it all figured out. Being a blended family can be so difficult. If you want to PM me for some support, feel free. :bighug:

Andy1784's picture
Joined: 09/18/08
Posts: 1372

Jeez, he really just doesn't get it huh. I'm sorry you have to see your daughter go through all that, how frustrating not to be able to just make him stop. Vent away all you want. We will send lots of "kick in the balls vibes" his way, LOL.

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

"wishing4agirl" wrote:

Is there an age in Canada where Sierra can legally tell the courts that she doesn't want to see him or make more decisions?

I was wondering the same thing, is there a point where she can decide if/when she wants to see him? Even though I know you've said that she's afraid to hurt his feelings or anything like that, so I'm not sure she would tell him even if she didn't want to see him. I have no advice, just lots and lots of big :bigarmhug: You guys should move farther away so its harder for him to get access to her. I'm clearly not much more mature than your ex is Lol

Joined: 09/05/08
Posts: 392

I *think* at 12 the courts will begin to take into account what she feels, and she had been seeing the counsellor, who would write a recommendation based on what she's heard from Sierra, but I think it just depends on the judge. Get one who's got a beyotch of an ex-wife who screwed him over for child support and custody, and I probably wouldn't fare too well Smile

I told him I wouldn't switch. Then I just opened up another e-mail from him saying well we're moving(again- this is like the 7th time in 4 years) and we'll have 3 bedrooms, so I want to pick her up on Fridays from school and take her back to school Mondays. That he's wanted to spend more time with her for a long time now.

Ummmmmm, is that why you keep dumping her on your gf and your family while you coach football?? 2 weeks ago she was with gma, auntie, and the gf. Last week it was his b-day and she was left with the gf again. This week my mom asked him dead on what about football, and he said she would stay with the gf again.

And, not to mention the fact that she doesn't want to spend the night at your house.

I think I need to take her to see the counsellor again for a few sessions. Sigh.

Forget about kick in the balls, how about run over by a bus?? Wink

Joined: 11/14/10
Posts: 9

my ex does the same thing. he wants to spend time with gavin but when he actually gets him he just runs off to be with his new gf and pays gavin little to no attention. I swear these men should really think about what they are doing before they get themselves into these situations.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

It actually sounds to me as though he and his new wife want Sierra as a baby sitter. That's what he means by more time "together". Sounds a bit like Cinderella to me! I'm jaded about joint parenting though....

wishing4agirl's picture
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

"gardenbug" wrote:

It actually sounds to me as though he and his new wife want Sierra as a baby sitter. That's what he means by more time "together". Sounds a bit like Cinderella to me! I'm jaded about joint parenting though....

I have to agree with this. :bigarmhug: again and good luck.