Sad News (m/c mentioned)

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Andy1784's picture
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Sad News (m/c mentioned)

As you already can tell from the title, we found out yesterday that baby is no longer alive. He/she made it to an estimated 6 weeks.

I am definitely disapointed because I did not see this coming. I am doing pretty well though. I guess I just think of it with a scientific mind and I know that with a fairly early loss, that embryo (baby, whatever you want to call it) was more than likely not compatible with life and I am very relieved that this happened naturally now versus later. It just wasn't ment to be and that is ok. Mother nature knows best in that case. Maybe I am coming off as callouse, but I really don't feel like I am mourning a child.

I wrote a lot of journals to myself over these past few weeks, and reading back over them, I think my subconscious knew. I wasn't able to picture a baby and I couldn't get excited about this pregnancy. I kept telling myself it was because it is my third and I was just over this part. In 3/4 of my journals, I go on about how I just wasn't feeling it at all. With both my other pregnancies we told family and friends right away about them, we really didn't show much restraint. With this one, I made Mike promise not to tell people yet "just because". He didn't get it at first, but obviously respected my wishes. My family knew as did 3 close friends (and all of you of course).

What I am a little angry about is that my body has no idea still and it is not fair that I have to still have all these stupid prego symptoms like nausea, freq urination, and tiredness all for nothing. I feel so wrong having this inside of me, I just want the physical part over with. Not to mention I still have to pass everything at some point. It willl pass, life isn't fair, but I have a lot of support and 2 beautiful babies that make it hard to stay mad about anything.

My 2 best friends took me out to a nice steak house downtown last night and bought me too much wine, LOL. I have amazing friends.

I plan to wait through the weekend and early week next week to see if things start up naturally. If not, I am going to take the cervidil to induce things and get it over with. I have a nice bottle of percocet too because I do not want to feel it all if it happens to be very painful. I love my natural birth, but pass the drugs please for this! Since it was a pretty early loss, it might not be so bad.

Anyhoo, sorry to write a long depresing novel, thanks if you got through it all. Oh and please DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR SIGGYS! I love seeing them and seeing babies or pregnant people makes me happy.

ambie719's picture
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:bighug:
I'm so sorry Andy, I thought since you didn't post an update yesterday that it might be bad news Sad Big, big, huge hugs to you, I know how it feels, and also the anger that comes with missed m/c's. I hope your body gets it together so you can pass all this naturally, and I wouldn't worry about the pain, mine was just like a really bad period.

Side question: I know this pg was a bit of a surprise, but has all this made you guys decide to start actively TTC again once you're feeling up to it, or do you think you'll wait a bit before trying again for #3?

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So very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery / healing. Hugs to you.:openarms:

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Oh, no, Andy! I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say. SadSadSad

I'm glad you're feeling OK, emotionally. It does sound like you have some great friends. I hope things start up naturally for you soon. Keep us posted.

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Oh no, I am really sorry to hear this! :bigarmhug: I am so glad to hear that you have a close group of friends to help you. I really hope that you heal quickly and that it isn't painful. It sounds like you are doing well emotionally, but we are always here if you need an "ear". Keep us posted. :bigarmhug:

Andy1784's picture
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Thanks ladies, I'm still doing pretty well. Busy day and I am already feeling super drained. I appreciate all the T&Ps, it is nice to have so much support here too.

I would have updated yesterday but I didn't get home until after dinner and I went straight to bed. I normally update from my phone, but I didn't feel like typing that all out on my phone.

Amber - I am going to give it a couple of cycles and then after that I think we'll go back to JLIH for a bit. We never have gotten past the JLIH stage before so hopefully it won't take long next time. I don't think I'll be whipping out OPKs for a while, but I guess if 2012 rolls in without a BFP I would consider it.

pam111's picture
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I'm sorry Sad
I haven't checked in here lately so didn't know about any of this

wishing4agirl's picture
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:bigarmhug: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are doing okay emotionally. I do understand about being angry that your body is continuing with the hormones. I know when I m/c'd before Faith I had all the hormones and felt all the nausea, exhaustion, etc. I hope it passes quickly for you so you can get back on track. :bigarmhug:

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:bighug: I'm very sorry for your loss. But I'm glad that you have some great support close by. Please keep us in the loop, and you're in our T&P.

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I'm so sorry to hear this Andy. I'm glad however that you have come to terms with it.

Big hugs :bigarmhug:

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I am so sorry to hear this, Andy.. my thoughts and prayers are with you!
Hugs... thinking of you!

irisheren's picture
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Andy, I just saw this. I don't get over to this board much these days. I'm sorry you m/c, but I'm glad that you are handling it well. Hugs to you!

Kittydakat's picture
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I just caught this too, yours and Mandy's posts have brought a tear to my eye. I'm so sorry. sending you all the love I can. xox