I need to get this out...

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Jbaum2's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 257
I need to get this out...

My brother called me today to let me know that his his ex is pregnant. They broke up last week. And she decided to go to the hospital today to see. He has already moved to another province. They had an extremely toxic relationship. She already has a child from another man, and is a rather neglecting and selfish mother. She is also VERY young and immature. (not that that matters, I have met quite a few young mothers who are amazing with their kids..thing is, she's not). She comes from a family who has little morals, values or personal hygiene.

The last time they broke up, she said she was pregnant, and then miscarried as soon as he saw her again. (This was in early june). (She also went off her pill a few months earlier and didn't have a period once after she quite - apparently). She told him that she is 2 and a half months pregnant. She sent him an ultra sound picture (he sent it to me and there is no name or date on it, and here you have to pay to get your ultra sound pic - she can barely afford her smokes each month (but she gets those before buying food for her kid). Looking a the ultra sound picture, it looks further along than she says.

I don't know what to say about it. I asked him how far along she was. Here, Dr's don't tell you that your 2 and half months, they tell you by weeks and days, She also told him that she didn't go to the Dr sooner, because she is so busy with work (except she didn't get a job until 2 weeks ago until then, since may she has been living off her dad). Her Dad has announced it on FB "Going to be a grand dad to # 2, confused and a little sad" This is the same man who tried to commit suicide because he thought his GF was going to cheat on him with (get this) my brother. So his daughters BF. If my brother didn't find him in time and get an ambulance to him, he would be dead.

Don't get me wrong, If this baby was being born to a caring, loving woman who took care of the child she currently has, I would be ecstatic, but she isn't. It breaks my heart. (I have a hard time with parents who don't provide the basic care for their kids).

It just feels like she is either lying OR she got pregnant to keep him. Which I don't know why she wants to. SHe is ALWAYS accusing him of cheating, She makes up silly rules like "neither of us can go to the neighbors unless we are together" then she goes over when he was at work.

I know I shouldn't stress about this, and he is a big boy, he has to figure it out. But I just needed to get it out. Thanks for letting me vent.

lmh101979's picture
Joined: 07/05/09
Posts: 966

Holy cow that sounds like such a nightmear for everyone. I hope your brother is in the right frame of mind to deal with this and get DNA and custody if it's his. It sounds like he needs to take his child and get as far away from that pile of crazy as possible. What really sucks is that your having such sucky family drama in the middle of your stressful pg. I hope they can work things out in the best interest of the child.

Sassy112704's picture
Joined: 04/12/05
Posts: 414

Yikes! This would make a good Springer episode! I am so sorry you all are dealing with this!

socalmama's picture
Joined: 07/28/11
Posts: 334

I couldn't have said it better than Lindsay. I really hope everything works out!

Joined: 03/26/09
Posts: 141

I completely agree with everything Lindsay said. Sometimes it can be hard for a dad to get sole custody but it happens a lot and can be done.

Joined: 07/04/11
Posts: 316

My BIL has sole custody of his son and has so since he was 2. It's not easy but it can be done. Good luck with everything

Jbaum2's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 257

He asked her if it was the best thing to bring a baby into the world. She already has a son that she can't support, and they are not in the best position to raise a child.

She said to him "WEll, I guess i have my answer now. I'll be a single mom to two kids" and hung up on him. He hasn't been able to get ahold of her since.

Both my mom and I have told not to stress too much. To get a Paternity test done (If she is two weeks further along then I am, he wasn't even in the same town as her and she is known for cheating). If it turns out that the baby is in fact his, then fight for custody.

As I said before her dad had it on FB and I am guessing her mom (parents are not together) said I don't think she wanted that on FB just yet but I am excited to be a grandma too..well he lost it on her. His response was "I don't give a f*ing damn. SHe's my daughter and if anyone F's with her or her kids they have to answer to me"....He is about as unstable as they come (remember he tried to commit suicide because he thought his GF wanted to cheat on him). THat is definitely not a healthy environment to be raising a child in, let alone 2.

I love my brother dearly, but I told him that I can't let this stress me out. I am here for him if he needs to talk or vent, but that is all I can do. I have to take care of me and the baby in my belly.

You see this often, young girls, getting knocked up to keep a guy, to have someone love them and then they end up raising the kid on their own, with no father figure, no real means of supporting them selves or their kid and then expect the Government to take care of them. The only one in the whole equation that misses out is the kid. Sad There are some strong amazing single moms out there, but then you see this happen....What a world we live in, hey?

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

"lmh101979" wrote:

Holy cow that sounds like such a nightmear for everyone. I hope your brother is in the right frame of mind to deal with this and get DNA and custody if it's his. It sounds like he needs to take his child and get as far away from that pile of crazy as possible. What really sucks is that your having such sucky family drama in the middle of your stressful pg. I hope they can work things out in the best interest of the child.

I agree with this. He needs to file for DNA testing, because if she's obsessively accusing him of cheating then she's probably the one cheating. I think your brother should file for custody, and judging by what you've posted it shouldn't be very hard to have her declared an unfit mother. In fact, I think someone should call protective services if she's neglecting the kid she already has.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973


I just wanted to offer my sympathies. My husband and I have custody of his son due to his mother being exactly like the woman you described. She is a drug addict, alcoholic, and she has mental instabilities as well. It was a long, hard road but we eventually won custody of his son and have thanked the Lord everyday for it. It's such a hard thing to see kids raised in such a way. My heart goes out to your brother and the rest of your family because the next 7 or so months are not going to be pleasant ones. I just wanted to give you some hope that it is possible to get a child out of such a nasty situation.

Jbaum2's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 257

Thank you for all your kind words. I decided that I have to let go and let god. He is making the choice to stay with her and raise this child. As his psychiatrist says "You made her pregnant, she is now your responsibility". (There are so many things wrong with that statement....)

I agree the CHILD to be born is his responsibility 100% - but not her. He is planning on moving her to the province he is living in, to ensure she is not drinking or doing drugs during this pregnancy. and they are calling each other husband and wife on the internet. Once she is there, it is only a matter of time before the cops will get called because of their crazy, loud, everyone in the neighborhood can hear Their fights. Nothing will change as they are not working on themselves.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don't want, or need this insanity in my life right now. Too risky.

Letting go, has lifted a terrible weight off my chest, and I have been enjoying the beautiful summer days with a big smile on my face.

Big hugs to all of you Smile

natelukesmom's picture
Joined: 02/08/09
Posts: 538

So sorry this is all happening. I agree, get the paternity test done to make sure the child is his, then fight for custody. If she is really on drugs, he should have no problem getting the child to himself. (And maybe putting her in jail in the process). Good luck!

Jbaum2's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 257

Well - an update. She IS pregnant and she is due 3 days before I am. I had a good cry this morning when I saw that announcement on Facebook. My heart breaks for that baby she is caring.

Still smoking, doing drugs and drinking.

I have solved the problem of getting stressed by it. I blocked her on Facebook. (My wonderful mom's advice)

I hope this doesn't come across as selfish, but I can not get excited about this. No matter how I try. I can't get excited because of all the reasons I had posted before, which is sad, because cousins born so close would have been awesome! (that said - if it's his)

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

Not selfish at all! Makes me sad to think someone like her can so easily get pregnant but there are amazing women all over the place who would make wonderful moms who can't get pregnant Sad