Vent about Preggo Friend (long) (lurker advice wanted)

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hopin2bpreggermeggers's picture
Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 02/22/10
Posts: 567
Vent about Preggo Friend (long) (lurker advice wanted)


Thanks, everyone. Your advice has really, really helped me cool down. Y'all are the best!!

I just feel bad talking bad about people, but I had to vent. It worked and now I'm happier and calmer about it.

Sometimes I think people just don't think before they speak (including me). But they don't necessarily mean it in the way it comes out...

We will blame it on the hormones Smile

Sassy112704's picture
Last seen: 4 years 4 months ago
Joined: 04/12/05
Posts: 414

Ugh! I am exhausted just reading that post. lol As hard as it may be just try and listen to them with a grain of salt. People like to think they know it all, trust me this first kid will throw them for a loop! Hang in there!!! Smile

Minx_Kristi's picture
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

I'm sorry you and DH took so long to conceive, that must have been awful! Add in them ranting about their pregnancy and I am sure it was tough, but you have to remember that they obviously were happy and wanted to share their wonderful news! Unfortunately, not everyone thinks about other people before shouting from the roof tops, but would you rather they involved you or kept you in the dark for fear of upsetting you?

As for them stressing you out about not being organsided for your babies, seriously, do not let it bother you. You being cautious after what you have been through is only natural and I am sure your friends or anyone you talked to about this would understand. We are all different, get things ready at different paces etc. I wouldn't work myself up about it. When they tell you what they have done, what they have bought etc just say "that's awesome, well done" or whatever you think they'd like to hear.

It is annoying when people push things in your face. I remember having my LO and the two girls I was spending time with at the time would always talk about what their LO was doing and asking if my DD was doing it yet etc. Heck, I couldn't WAIT to get back to work lol but like I said everyone is different.

I hope you can get passed all of these issues and remain friends..... and share a wonderful experience of becoming a mother with one another Smile


Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 06/26/11
Posts: 331

You're right Meg, you and your husband will make wonderful parents. Who's to say that what your friends are doing is the "right" way anyways? Your parenting style will be perfect for your babies. The path of parenthood is so different for everyone, but it always achieves the same results...children that are loved, supported, and secure. You have no need to feel like you have to defend your parenting choices to them or anyone else.

Judging by the history of your relationship with L, I have to wonder if she says some of those things to you to intentionally upset you. Or, she is seriously lacking in the sensitivity department! I don't blame you for being annoyed and frustrated with her! You're in a tough can't really just write her off because of the damage that would cause to your husband's relationship with his best friend. But, maybe a little distance from her would help? At least until she's preoccupied enough with her baby to quit flinging her crap at you! LOL!

abbyblack's picture
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/18/09
Posts: 146

I hope I can make you feel better. I haven't done ANYTHING. Well, I have painted the room that will be baby's, but I haven't bought a single thing. I'm sorry there is so much drama with L and your being diagnosed with infertility.

Being a SAHM or deciding to be a working woman is a hard decision that all mom's must make at some point and it isn't fair of L to judge your decision. Don't let her get to you. You are doing what's best for YOUR daughters. In today's world, most families don't have the luxury (or decide not to be a SAHM) of having the mom stay at home and raise the children full time (at least not in CA).

On a side note, congrats on your career! You will be able to provide a very good life for both your daughters Smile

Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 12/01/10
Posts: 997

First off, I'm right there with you on how frustrating it can be when people make a big deal about not being able to get pregnant easily when you've struggled with infertility (I dealt with that a lot at work while TTC over a year and undergoing fert treatments).

There is not one right way to raise children and you do the best you can for your life and work situation. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into what will work best for you, DH and your babies. I wish I could tell you just not let their comments bother you but I know that is easier said than done. I agree with some pp that maybe a little distance/time away from this couple would be good b/c you need supportive people in your life right now (or at least non-competitive). You're busy enough as it is and having to expend energy on these "friends" is not good use of your time or giving peace of mind from the sound of it.

Also regarding the whole rush to get nursery done, I guess some people need to have everything ready far ahead of time in order to feel prepared. If it makes you feel better, I'm 32 wks along and our nursery is only halfway painted, the crib is still in the box, we don't have a mattress yet, and all the baby shower stuff has yet to be sorted through and is being stored in a spare bedroom. Part of it being we were so guarded about buying things and working on a nursery in the beginning. If I dwell on all the stuff we have left to do I would probably induce a panic attack. DH and I work on stuff when we have time and know that it will not be the end of the world if everything is not completely done when he least we have a car seat to bring him home Smile

jnjebrown's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 09/16/08
Posts: 229


I would say something and no you are not being irrational. It will get to you and the anger will build up. Long story short. me and my neighbor were good friends we got into it because she threatened to spank my child. well, I blew up at her(keeping my feelings in, and brushing them to the side) I finally had enough said something to her and now we don't talk anymore.

Hope you get it worked out!

btw congrats! I have been a long time stalker!!

AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 5 months 4 days ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

I didn't get to read your post before you edited it, however I did want to say that I think whatever you originally said, I would have understood.

DH and I took 2.5 years to conceive. I was an emotional, hormonal wreck for most of my pregnancy and DH's oldest sister was a MAJOR source of stress for me. She is a surgical RN and thinks she knows EVERYTHING!! She criticized everything about my pregnancy (told her son's gf all I did was sit around and get fat), and has since attacked our parenting style. Any parenting style she doesn't agree with she blames on me, never DH.

Her son's gf was about 3 months further along in her pregnancy than I was. SIL forced her way into the delivery room during labor even though she knew that the girl didn't want her in there. Because of her we didn't tell anyone the first day DD was born. We waited a full 24 hours after she was born to tell anyone.

I have a million stories about the crazy, certifiable woman. And I can relate to people seemingly rubbing it in your face when they have accidental pregnancies and you've been trying for what seems like forever. And I can relate to having your precautions criticized when all you are trying to do is do everything right to ensure that your child arrives in the world happy and healthy after you've waited so very long for the blessing of having a child.

Please feel free to rant and rave anytime, and if you to really bash someone who made you mad or feel bad, PM me! I love my SIL and know that she means well, but sometime I want to jump on her skinny butt and beat her unconcious. Venting helps prevent violence, so let it out!!

Last seen: 3 years 4 months ago
Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

Hahaha @ Anna's last comment! Meg i didnt get to read your post before you edited it but forget what othera have to say about what you are doing and what you arent doing ! Last time i checked these are YOUR babies and unless your friend is giving birth to your girls and her children as well then she can keep her unsatisfatory comments to herself ! Infertlity is a mother u know what and overcoming it is like a defeat of no other ! Like i said before you will be a great mOm because you will be more appreciative since it took so long ! And if you didnt buy anything then thats your business ! You still have time! Its your life and your preference ! Soo tell your friend to worry about her child becausw at the end of the day her single decorations and preperations are easier but you have to do twice the work