Why I hate my job...

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hopin2bpreggermeggers's picture
Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 02/22/10
Posts: 567
Why I hate my job...

Disclaimer: I actually LOVE my job.


So I usually don't admit this to the lay person because *gasp* I get judged most of the time ("oh, you work for those guys..."). But I'm a civil defense attorney who practices primarily in medical malpractice defense (yes, I defend the midwives, doctors, and hosptials of the world...and yes I'm paid by the medical malpractice insurers). There, I said it. Please don't judge me :).

In my line of work we see a lot of pregnancy\birth trauma cases -- all that I (an 8-week pregnant, previously infertile mother to be) needs to read and hear about. Well, I have a case now and I was researching the medicine of it in what is called the "green book," an OB\GYN specialty textbook.

I accidentally came upon a page which said "m\c and cerebal palsy rates are higher in instances of maternal seizures." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I have epilepsy. Great! But what it didn't say was 1) the type of seizures (could be the big ones you think of, the small ones, or the absent ones) and 2) the actual increased rate (3% v. 2%, 75% v. 2%??). ALTHOUGH, they did say that 95% of women with epilepsy have healthy babies.

I have an odd form of epilepsy - I have a seizure every six minutes or so, but no one would really know. Occasionally, I look like I'm daydreaming but I'm fully aware and can speak (unlike most "absent seizures"). I've actually been studied b\c no one has ever seen anything like it. So I don't even know if those statistics apply to my form of epilepsy.

But now this is just ONE more thing I have to worry about. PCOS, epilepsy, etc. - everything I have seems to come with some m\c or birth defect problem. And the epilepsy medicine has a 1% chance of bilateral cleft. I did go off it when I was TTC, but now I'm concerned that I should have risked the bilateral cleft.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, sorry to vent. I just try to stay away from google. Yet, I get to go into work and defend a case of placental abruption or hypoxic injury. I only see the bad stuff, so in my mind that's all that occurs.

I will not mention this again, I promise. I don't want to scare any of y'all. I just had to vent before I yelled at my boss and blew my secret. And I'm not as crazy as I sound. I'm just a worrier which is probably worse for my babies than everything combined.

I JUST WANT 13 weeks to get here!!! T - 5 weeks!!!! :confused:

natelukesmom's picture
Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: 02/08/09
Posts: 538

Meg, first...NO MORE GOOGLE! Ha! I know it is hard, but try to stay away from it. Second, the more you relax and don't worry the better for your babies! (I know easier said then done). Also, I don't mind that you defend "the big guys", it isn't always their fault! Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. They have every right to be defended too. America gives everyone an equal say. :). Anyway, really I think you are going to have a wonderful pregnancies and two beautiful babies. I know it is hard not to worry, I worry constantly, but there is no benefit to it, only harm. HUGS!

megeyre's picture
Last seen: 3 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/29/09
Posts: 194


No judgement here. I'm the same way with my job. We have a love/hate relationship. I teach at an inner city school, which comes with lots of typical problems, but for the woman trying to get pregnant the most annoying issue I face everyday is seeing LOTS of teenage girls walking down the hallway with pregnant bellies. I won't get on my soapbox about this issue- because it is the culmination of a lot of problems- but I just share that you say I see where your coming from.

Don't be sorry for venting- I think it is quite healthy Smile

As for your worry, " And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life span?"
Luke 12:25. I'm saying this for me too Wink

lmh101979's picture
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 07/05/09
Posts: 966

My dad was a malpractice lawyer for 20 years so my judement goes the other way. People have a bad thing happen and want someone to blame. I think it happens both ways which is why it's good that smart, passionate women such as yourself can help sort it all out. Smile
I agree that you have the worst job for a person in your position, but just remember that you are seeing the lottery winners (or losers depending on how you look at it). No doubt your meds and condition can cause issues, but you could also get hit by lightning. Take everything you read and hear with a grain of salt because the insanity is just beginning! People will tell you and you will read the most insane stuff, we should probably start a thread in a few weeks! So you have to harden from all that nonsense. Yes you can worry, but it won't help anything. Better to drink another glass of water, take a little walk for exercise, and shop for cute baby stuff. Much more productive. Smile Sorry for the long post, but I really want you to try to enjoy this as much as possible and worry as little as possible.
And I LOVE Meg's scripture verse above, it's so perfect you should get a tattoo!!! Smile

jenboucher's picture
Last seen: 2 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 08/12/08
Posts: 72

T-5 weeks. We can make it!!!

Last seen: 5 years 2 weeks ago
Joined: 03/26/09
Posts: 141

My best advice to you is go get a nice long massage, then a facial. Repeat as needed.

Sassy112704's picture
Last seen: 4 years 5 months ago
Joined: 04/12/05
Posts: 414

Wow Meg your story (about the seizures) is VERY interesting! Hang in there Sista!!

AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 5 months 1 week ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

As per your job, I'm sure you know the frequency of a LOT of these issues. The chances are much greater that you'll have a healthy baby.

My sister has some sort of epileptic seizure thing. She's never been officially diagnosed, but the doctors she worked for in the military told her that it appears to be a type of epilepsy. She twitches really hard when she's tired, usually in the mornings. She's thrown coffee all over my couch once, dropped a puppy, and even dropped her child on the bed during an episode. She had two perfectly healthy children.

I think we will ALL breathe a huge sigh of relief once this first trimester is over.

MrsSchepp's picture
Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

That is tough! Praying everything will be ok! I kind of know how you feel, before I was a nurse I worked in Pathology and we did a LOT of neonate (baby) autopsies. I saw the worst of the worst of what could happen. It was hard. I always just told myself that I was helping to bring that family peace and closure, but it was still tough!