Okay so I just have to rant and get all of these negative upsetting thoughts out of my brain so I can try to have a good day today. I am so annoyed with tests and I'm annoyed with myself for taking them early. I feel so stupid right now and so stressed and so frustrated!!!! Today was the 3rd day in a row I've taken tests. I swear on every test I've taken I can see lines. Every single one that I took with FMU appears to show a very very faint line. It's so fant that I have to look for it but then once I see it I'm 100% sure it's there. It's hard to tell if there's color because it's so faint but I took a test with water and there's nothing so I don't think they're evaps. I took two more Wondfos and a FRER this morning and am just confused. I'm so convinced that I'm pregnant that I was sure that they would be really obvious this morning...maybe faint still but not ridiculously so. I'm also frustrated because no matter how many pics I take with no matter what background, lighting, etc. I can't get a good enough pic to really show what I see. And that makes me frustrated too. I'm so worried that I'm imagining it all and that I'm not pregnant and that I'm going to be a complete wreck when AF shows. The doc was so sure this was the cycle and I felt good about it. DH felt good about it. It just seems the right time for so many reasons and with this being the first cycle post m/c I just feel like it's unbelievably cruel to be getting these stupid tests like this. It seems unlikely to me at this point (10DPO) that I'll suddenly just get a good test. I've been feeling bad since Tuesday. That doesn't make sense to me either. I don't know what to think or feel right now but I've just about had it with all of this.
Sometimes I don't want to try anymore at all because I just don't think I can take it. After the m/c I feel so different about it and I guess that's why this cycle is so hard. Doc promised there wasn't damage from my surgery and that it would happen again so quickly and that he expected to see me back with good results very very soon. He didn't even give me refills on the fertility meds and he usually does...seems like when he doesn't it's because he thinks you won't need them. He did however give me refills on the progesterone. I know I'm over thinking this but I just feel like I'm crazy or something. I'm so confused.