Rant!

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Rant!

Okay so I just have to rant and get all of these negative upsetting thoughts out of my brain so I can try to have a good day today. I am so annoyed with tests and I'm annoyed with myself for taking them early. I feel so stupid right now and so stressed and so frustrated!!!! Today was the 3rd day in a row I've taken tests. I swear on every test I've taken I can see lines. Every single one that I took with FMU appears to show a very very faint line. It's so fant that I have to look for it but then once I see it I'm 100% sure it's there. It's hard to tell if there's color because it's so faint but I took a test with water and there's nothing so I don't think they're evaps. I took two more Wondfos and a FRER this morning and am just confused. I'm so convinced that I'm pregnant that I was sure that they would be really obvious this morning...maybe faint still but not ridiculously so. I'm also frustrated because no matter how many pics I take with no matter what background, lighting, etc. I can't get a good enough pic to really show what I see. And that makes me frustrated too. I'm so worried that I'm imagining it all and that I'm not pregnant and that I'm going to be a complete wreck when AF shows. The doc was so sure this was the cycle and I felt good about it. DH felt good about it. It just seems the right time for so many reasons and with this being the first cycle post m/c I just feel like it's unbelievably cruel to be getting these stupid tests like this. It seems unlikely to me at this point (10DPO) that I'll suddenly just get a good test. I've been feeling bad since Tuesday. That doesn't make sense to me either. I don't know what to think or feel right now but I've just about had it with all of this.

Sometimes I don't want to try anymore at all because I just don't think I can take it. After the m/c I feel so different about it and I guess that's why this cycle is so hard. Doc promised there wasn't damage from my surgery and that it would happen again so quickly and that he expected to see me back with good results very very soon. He didn't even give me refills on the fertility meds and he usually does...seems like when he doesn't it's because he thinks you won't need them. He did however give me refills on the progesterone. I know I'm over thinking this but I just feel like I'm crazy or something. I'm so confused.

Joined: 02/14/07
Posts: 108

:bighug:

NutMeg4189's picture
Joined: 09/26/11
Posts: 524

Leah this is why I used digital tests this cycle. I only bought the FRER after I got a pregnant on the digital to watch the line get darker. I was so done with squinting at pee sticks. I got my digital + at 10 DPO so it wasn't even like I had to wait until AF was due. I am Hoping and praying this is it for you ! I want you to stay here on march !

BabiesRBlessings's picture
Joined: 10/24/13
Posts: 1106

:hug:

I just posted a similar post about me taking tests so early. You aren't the only one who obsesses early. Take a breather from the tests and maybe prg.org for a few days. Focus your time on something else and come back to this later. I know that is hard to do, but de-stressing will be so good for you.

CrysRee31's picture
Joined: 06/01/11
Posts: 1473

Leah :bigarmhug: I'd try to avoid any testing tomorrow, give it time to double and test again at 12DPO which is still early. Remember HCG can take up to 3 days to double. I know how badly you want a good line on your test. It will come though. I've seen your lines already! I agree with Liz, take a break from pg.org and everything if you can and relax, enjoy a day tomorrow with your DH Smile

Also don't forget every pregnancy is different! You had a very nice line at 11DPO last time but if you implanted a day later this time it may take a little longer for that great line to show.

glwolf's picture
Joined: 09/26/11
Posts: 928

I'm so sorry Leah! This process is sooooooooo hard and I was feeling just like you last month. We had decided to give up trying and out of the blue I took an OPK test that was super positive (1st one my whole cycle on CD16) so we decided to try that night. I think since i wasn't stressing all month with "i hope I O and I hope I don't miss it" etc... maybe that's why it happened for me? Just take a deep breath and know that you can't do anything to change it now... either you are pregnant or you are not and if you are not you can try again. I know easier said than done but it sucks getting all upset over it you know?

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Oh yes!!! I feel you!!!!
8dpo for me and still poas at least 4 times a day!!! Convinced I see something... Then not... Then convinced!!
I think this ttc drives you crazy!!!
Xxx

Joined: 11/02/11
Posts: 122

:bighug: I agree, the ttc process sucks sometimes! Try to find something to do to keep your mind busy (I know it's not easy) and try not to stress. Hopefully you will have a definite answer soon!

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

Is it possible to go in and get a bloodtest done? I am sure if they know it's driving you this crazy that they will do it to ease your mind. Just think... in a few days you will know for sure!

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

I was just like that last cycle as I'm sure you remember how crazy I made myself. You are def. not out 10 dpo is still early. And when I was driving myself crazy last month I never got a visible line on a test. Faint or not. I'd stare at them forever trying to make a line there and I even tried to convince myself the indent line on the Answer ER test was a line st first. But in the end neither dh nor I could see a line at all, not even one w/ an evap or grey line. So the fact that you are getting lines even faint ones are a great sign!! I would give it a day or so then try again!

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Thank you ladies for all the support! I'm feeling slightly better tonight. I went to my mom's today and spent the day with her and it wasn't the greatest day but I think it helped. I had three meltdowns today. I cried so much my stupid contacts are all blurry. I really hate that. I think this has just brought back a lot of pain from the m/c and is just making me feel like I'll never have a child. However, after my last horrible crying session my mom asked what would help and I said I wanted more tests even though I was insane to want them. I had started feeling seriously bad BB soreness like the kind I had when I was pregnant. It's been sort of iffy for the last few days but they hurt all day today and it just got worse as the day went on which is why I tested last time because it just got worse and worse. My pms BB pain doesn't get worse. It hurts than it never gets worse it just stays the same. This had increased so bad I was getting really uncomfortable and was trying to decide if I needed to wear a bra to bed...again only did this when I was pregnant.

So we went and got a different kind of test. I got some of the Clear Blue. I was scared to get them cause I've heard bad things about blue dyes but apparently it's a good one and not likely to show bad things. So I got it and after a three hour hold I took it (first one I've taken in the afternoon) and got a light line. It's still light enough that I can't get a good pic and I'm tired of trying to get good pics. Lol. But it's there. My mom saw it and so does DH. So the way I see it, if I'm getting light lines on 3 different brands...that seems weird that they'd all be evaps or something. So tomorrow I'll be 11DPO and if BBs are feeling even worse in the morning I'm thinking I might try again with the CB just to compare. I might end up posting a pic of it later anyway. It looks much better than the others. I just need to calm down and I promise I've learned my lesson about testing early...

shadow_grey's picture
Joined: 05/03/12
Posts: 581

Leah, I think 3 diff tests showing lines = you're pregnant. Don't stress that they are faint. I got negatives at 10DPO and 12DPO with my youngest. I gave up even though I felt preggo. AF hadn't arrived a few days later so I retested at got a week positive. I'd had clear +ve at 10DPO with other pregnancies. Every pregnancy is different