I haven't been around much in the past few weeks as my inlaws were visiting for 2 weeks and we were travelling, then my sister arrived for a 3 week visit. So I have had very little computer time!
Anyhow, I wanted to post a would-you-send-it thread to check in before I send this. You girls always have great advice!
Our eldest Kieren (now 8 1/2), as some of you may remember, has always been our challenging child. Since he was a toddler, every day, pushing the limits, testing authority... you know what I mean. That has extended to school, where he has had consistent behaviour problems since starting school at the age of 4. His last report card before Christmas was his worst ever (high grades, but very poor effort and behaviour in all categories, from social relations with classmates, to work habits and following directions).
His grandparents (dh's parents) have always been a pretty big part of his life, and my MIL Lil has always tried to have a special relationship with him. She is a difficult person on occasion, and as some of you may remember, actually told DH Richard that she wished she'd never had him after he forgot to call his dad on Father's Day the month after Grady was born. That relationship (despite counselling) has never been fixed, but we welcome them in our home whenever they want so that they can be a big part of our kids' lives.
SO on their visit, we shared with them Kieren's latest school troubles. They were ob viously not sympathetic, their only comments being things such as 'but don't YOU feel responsible'?? (As if any parent doesn't feel responsible for the troubles of their children... ) Then today, on the computer, I see that Kieren has left his personal email account open to a letter he just received from Lil. She says how much she misses him, wants to skype with him personally, etc etc, offers to arrange horseback riding lessons for him if he gets a good report card next time, then signs off with:
Love Gamma (the one who loves you for who you are) xoxoxox
I was LIVID when I read it. Is it me, or when you read 'the one who' does that not imply that we, his parents, do not love him for 'who he is'?? I feel like she's totally trying to be divisive and be his 'best friend' at the expense of the 'evil parents'. I have felt angrier and angrier as the day has worn on as I think about it... also considering that when she was here visiting, on one memorable occasion I caught her deliberately overriding something I had said 'no' to Mimi for, to whisper that she would let her. My daughter looked from her to me and back again, obviously confused. So I let her do it, then asked my MIL, "did you really just completely disregard what I said"??? And she just kind of mumbled a justification. Ugh.. the more I think about it the more I can't stand the woman. :angry4:
So... would you send this emial that I typed but have not yet sent??
Kieren left his email open on our computer this morning, and I was shocked to read how you signed off.
"the one who loves you for who you are"
I don't know if you realized, but when you say you are "THE ONE" who loves him the way he is, you are implying that we do not love him the way he is. I completely understand that you want to have a special relationship with Kieren, and that's wonderful. BUt please do not do that at our expense. You may not understand or appreciate the years of energy, effort, dedication and love that we have already invested in Kieren, in trying to make sure that he learns to make the right choices for himself so that he has an easier path in life. But we have ALWAYS loved and adored Kieren for who he is, regardless of his behaviour.
I really don't ever want him to think otherwise, so please be careful in what you say.
Sorry this was so long... and thanks for taking the time to read! xxoo