Discipline

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fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630
Discipline

How do you discipline your LOs? I can tell that "time outs" are NOT going to work for Brooke. She just laughs and it's almost like a game to her. I will sit her down and sometimes have her face the wall and tell her that when she can be nice she can come and join us again. She will VERY slowly turn around and scoot on her tushy. When she makes it back to you she will bow her head and look up at you with those huge eyes and softly say "Sorry Mommy/Daddy/Addison/..." and give you hugs and kisses. Oh man, we are going to have our hands full with this one! DH and I have to hide out faces and try our hardest to not laugh at her. It's really cute. What are some other ideas?

Addison, you just look at her with a disappointed look and she is done. They are SOOO different. And Brooke is the tester of the two. The other day she kept kicking Addison while Addison was on the potty. I told her if she touched Addison once more, that she would have to leave tha bathroom until we were done. She looks at me, smiles, takes her finger and ever so lightly touches Addison. She was VERY upset when I made her leave. She kept saying "Nice touch Addison". I reminded her that I said to NOT touch Addison, and eventhough it was a nice touch, it was a touch none the less.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

Kaylin has recently become testy - she'll do something after we tell her not to, just to see our reaction. We don't believe in any type of physical punishment, so we do warnings & time outs. She HATES timeouts, so it works...in fact, I can usually just give her a look and get onto her and she'll melt. Once she knows that she's been bad and I'm upset with her, she wants to be all lovey and say "sorry mommy" in that sad sweet little voice! We rarely have to give her a timeout though, and when I do...it's in her bedroom because if she can see us, it does not work.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

We do timeouts for Lexi, but they are still pretty rare. She only gets them if she specifically does something I just told her not to do. Sometimes it turns into a game-- but she knows she has to sit and wait for the beeps.

Callie used to HATE timeouts and we'd had to physically hold her there-- but I think you do have to find their currency and TO's aren't "it" for every kid.

It sounds like she knows how to get out of TO's-- so maybe try (and I know it is hard!) to make her stay in it...you might find that gets her. We have Lexi sit on the bottom step of our main floor and that works well.

I think 2 year olds are so much fun....at 3 they can a bit more challenging IME. GL!

jessianne223's picture
Joined: 09/10/08
Posts: 121

We are in full swing of deciding what we want to do. I am fine w/ spanking, but believe it needs to be the last resort, and I feel he is too young to start now. But boys are very different that girls in my opinion. He is WILD. He kicks, slaps and bites when he gets provoked. Those have only happend once, but still, they happend. We are going to have a good routine that works for us before Judd get's here because he some nights is un-controllable (I'd say 2 nights a week--other than that he is great). I have popped him before and he laughs. Time outs, forget it. I held him and he crawled up by body, down my back and thought it was a game. Dh's mom said that DH laughed at her every time she disciplined DH! I don't know what to do, we are reading and trying to take in every possible way. I know threatening a lot w/ taking his dvd player or trucks works WELL. It has to be immediate for it to work.

rachelperry1983's picture
Joined: 04/13/07
Posts: 809

Jake is alot like Brooke! He's the sweetest thing, but he also knows how to work you. He will hit Drew, so Drew will hit him back (or pinch as I caught them doing to each other yesterday) and so when Drew does it back to him here comes Jake "Mama, Bubba hit me", I said "Well, did you hit him first?" he said "Yes" I said "Well Jake, hitting isn't nice and if you hit him, he's probably going to hit you back". Then I make them both apologize, hug and kiss..........then 30 mins later we repeat! lol Jake's a bully!
Generally I just use "the voice" and he knows to straighten up. Timeouts don't work for him (at home anyway), at school they get timeouts sometimes and I hear he does very well with them there. I do believe in spankings when it's appropiate, but Jake's a little young for that. He has gotten a tap a few times before and seriously it was like I took my finger and popped his leg and he was over the top dramatic.....big tears, crying.....I guess Mommy had hurt his feelings.....but after he had brusied my arm from kicking it while he was in his carseat, I felt he had to know that it wasn't ok to do. All kids are different and I can tell you know what works for one, doesnt always work for the other!!

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

Maybe I will try holding Brooke there during her timeout. That is what DH does. But man is that girl STRONG!!! She hits, bites, kicks, scratches, throws things, etc... And then the next second she is the sweetest little girl ever. My mother was joking this weekend that we aren't missing out on having a boy... we have Brooke!

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

I don't know... my gut instinct is to say that holding her in the TO spot is a mistake... but like everyone has said, every child is different so it might work for her. It certainly wouldn't have worked with our oldest, who is still our most challenging child. We did the whole TO thing, not holding him there, but putting him back on continually (a la Supernanny) and it was infuriating and exhausting to have to do it for over an hour every single time. I think with some kids, they get a real boost out of provoking that much frustration and attention from an adult, and will seek it out. I really think the better approach is not to 'punish', but to try to teach the right way... to empower them to WANT to do the right thing (or not do the wrong thing). I'm a real fan of positive discipline.. here's some basic ideas from positivediscipline.com:

So how do you teach your child to learn to control himself? I will give you a few suggestions...and then I will give you some ideas about where you can get more information.

1. In order to learn how to control themselves, children need to have control over as much of their life as is appropriate for them. Most two year olds can do lots of things for themselves. They can be a big help. They can start to dress themselves (socks, shirts), they can help put dishes in the dishwasher, they can put the silverware in the silverware drawer. If you have a small broom, he can help sweep, he can help put away his toys, he can help make lunch (like spreading peanut butter on bread, or grating cheese for a tortilla), he can begin to learn to break an egg. When you go shopping he can help by getting things off the shelves he can reach, or by being the "looker" and checking for cars in both directions when you cross the parking lot. Obviously you will have to adapt the list for your life with him.

2. Two year olds make lots of mistakes. They are just beginning to learn who they are. They can learn from their mistakes. People learn best when they are not shamed or made to feel bad. When he spills his milk (which ALL two year olds do) you could say "Oh oh, what happened?". And after he says he spilled it, you could say "How could you fix it? Do you know how to wipe it up?" and teach him where to get the towel or sponge to clean up his spilled milk. Mistakes are really opportunities to learn. When I started to teach my kids about mistakes, our parenting instructor told us to honest about our own mistakes. We had to practice saying. Whoops, I made a mistake and then talk about how we were going to fix it. I thought that would be easy. It was hard for me to even say I made a mistake out loud! (See what I learned from my parents!). I think that punishment is one of the least effective ways to teach anyone anything...and it results in revenge, rebellion, and resentment. Kids do better when they feel better, not when they feel worse.

3. Your son is not trying to "get" you or be "bad". He is trying to get a sense of belonging and significance. He wants to know that he is part of your family and that he is important. He doesn't "know" this...what he knows is that when you seem busy it feels like he is not part of your life...so he tries to get in the action again. He may do this by coming to type while you are typing. He is not trying to bother you or be bad...his behavior is just saying " I want to belong, I need some attention". Lots of moms find that saying "no" or pushing their child away may work for a little bit, but then the behavior comes back. It might be more successful to let him know he belongs by saying "It seems like you need some attention! Come get a hug and bring a toy to play near me for a few minutes while I finish...and then we can do something together" (you have to keep your promise if you say this..and make your task short). Sometimes it is easier to plan ahead (because 2 year olds need a lot of attention) and play the game first and then set him up with a quiet activity while you type for a short time.

When he hits you it is because he doesn't have the skills to "use his words" or to negotiate respectfully. That is something you can teach him by example. It is very difficult to avoid striking back when your son hits you, but when you do that you are teaching him to hit by example. Instead you could say, "I know you are upset, and it is not okay to hit people." Eventually he will learn that it is not okay to hit. In Positive Discipline we teach the importance of long-range parenting doing what works long range instead of just short term. Punishment works short term, but doesn't teach children the skills to treat others respectfully.

Not all behavior will look like your child is wanting attention. Sometimes (for two year olds especially) they get their feeling of belonging when they feel like they are the boss. Then it will help to give him as much control as is appropriate. Remember that his attempts at setting the table or feeding the family pet won't be just right the first time. Your long term goal is to teach him to learn how to do the job....but it takes patience and time for training. (Gosh, I am a much better parent now than I was when my oldest was born 15 years ago...but it was mainly through practice and making mistakes that I have learned so much!)

Now that he is two there are times when you have to be honest that you cannot "make him" do some things (You can't make a kid eat, or go to the bathroom, or sleep for example). You may be more successful if you acknowledge that you cannot make him do something. You will need his help. He will usually give it. It is amazing what kids will do if you are working for cooperation instead of control. They feel the difference. (And I think if we are honest about our adult relationships we feel the same way. We don't like people who tell us what to do all the time. They would get much better results if they asked our opinion and asked us to do something instead of demanding it.)

4. Really take time to notice the special human being this little guy is...even though he is good at pushing your buttons. Some characteristics that make children challenging (like strong wills, or sensitivities, or being able to focus intently on one thing) are the same things that make them into wonderful adults. Remember to give the little guy lots of hugs and let him know that you love him.

5. Take time to take care of yourself. Living with a two year old who knows where all of your buttons are is hard work. Make sure that you take time for you to do some of the things that you enjoy

***

I think for a strong-willed child, this type of approach is very successful, but like it says, it's a long-term thing and not a quick fix.

kjames106's picture
Joined: 09/16/06
Posts: 678

We spank. Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what we go by at our house. Lily is such a little fireball, she needs firm discipline like that. Luke hardly EVER gets in trouble. He is just a sensitive soul. We spank and then put them in time out. We use a wood spoon. Sometimes we only have to get it out and everyone straightens up. My MIL says never to spank with the hands because hands are for love, so we use the spoon. Spoon is for cooking and spanking. Smile

Joined: 09/05/08
Posts: 392

"kjames106" wrote:

We spank. Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what we go by at our house. Lily is such a little fireball, she needs firm discipline like that. Luke hardly EVER gets in trouble. He is just a sensitive soul. We spank and then put them in time out. We use a wood spoon. Sometimes we only have to get it out and everyone straightens up. My MIL says never to spank with the hands because hands are for love, so we use the spoon. Spoon is for cooking and spanking. Smile

My mom used the spoon on us when we were little. IT WORKED!!! Just going towards the drawer made us shape up most of the time. She broke quite a few spoons over our butts over the years.

I will spank if I feel the situation calls for it. Like if my kid starts to run towards traffic or something. TO's usually work for Cooper, he will actually go put himself in TO sometimes. I put him in his room for TO, mostly because it's used as a "cooling off" period. I leave him in there until he finishes freaking out, or if it's because he hit or something then it's 2 minutes. Then I go in, shut the door behind me, and he knows right away to go sit down on the rug because we are going to have a talk. I say to him- "I put you in TO because ________. You need to apologize to ____." Yesterday he said sorry to his 11 month old cousin, and hugged her. It was really freakin' cute!

I keep the talk short and sweet. I don't go on and on about how he hurt so and so, or hurt their feelings, I just say "we don't ____. It's not nice"

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

I hate the spanking debate. It is so personal and so hot to people, and I suppose, I am no different.

I will say that we totally and completely disagree with it. I don't interpret the Bible to mean that I should physically discipline my child-- as a sheep herder wouldn't not use his "rod" to hit the sheep, but to guide them in the right direction gently. I can't fathom using an implement to hit any of my children (and I was hit with one when a kid, and so was Trey....)

If I had ever read a study that suggested that spanking was the way to go (and not that it produced more aggressive, lower IQ'd children...) perhaps I would consider it.... But it still just "feels" wrong to me- so I trust that. It has been outlawed in 24 other countries-- and since the US continues to be one of the most violent, aggressive countries, I'll pass.

I know, our parents all did it. But they also put Karo syrup in bottles and fed it to us with condensed milk and loaded us into station wagons with no seat belts. When we know better, we can do better IMO.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

"boilermaker" wrote:

I hate the spanking debate. It is so personal and so hot to people, and I suppose, I am no different.

I will say that we totally and completely disagree with it. I don't interpret the Bible to mean that I should physically discipline my child-- as a sheep herder wouldn't not use his "rod" to hit the sheep, but to guide them in the right direction gently. I can't fathom using an implement to hit any of my children (and I was hit with one when a kid, and so was Trey....)

If I had ever read a study that suggested that spanking was the way to go (and not that it produced more aggressive, lower IQ'd children...) perhaps I would consider it.... But it still just "feels" wrong to me- so I trust that. It has been outlawed in 24 other countries-- and since the US continues to be one of the most violent, aggressive countries, I'll pass.

I know, our parents all did it. But they also put Karo syrup in bottles and fed it to us with condensed milk and loaded us into station wagons with no seat belts. When we know better, we can do better IMO.

Agreed.

I still remember being 'spanked' or rather hit hard with a paddle growing up, it made me fearful...not obediant. Again, like you said, every parent will have their own method. But I would feel absolutely guilty hitting Kaylin, inflicting pain on my own child makes me shudder.

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

First I just want to say that I'm glad that everyone is being respectful of opinions in this thread as it could very easily get heated quickly Smile

I personally tend to agree with Kirsten on positive learning experiences from them at this point instead of 'disciplining' necessarily as most things she does that test my patience are about learning how things work and not always having the skills at this age to figure out how to get what they want or their point across. At times I go insane when I am in a rush and just trying to get her to do what I want or behave a certain way...but then I realize it's more my fault for her behavior then hers because I'm rushing because I didn't plan enough time or I am expecting too much from her for her age. Then it turns into a learning experience for mommy Smile

That being said, I have threatened time out twice but never actually had to put her in it. I was either able to talk to her or just removed her from the situation if it was too much. She has only been in timeout once at daycare for having a long day of not listening and continuing to run around the room when they were supposed to be seated for reading. She has never hit or bit anyone at home, and they say she hasn't at school. She will def. be my kid who will cry from my shear disappointment in her behavior and not need a ton of other discipline (I was like this).

Working with kids a lot in my life I know not all children will change their behavior from disapproval of behavior, talks or looks. Some need privileges or items taken away as they get older and can understand, others I think benefit from learning the natural consequences of their behavior (older kids). I won't lie that I don't believe in spanking, but I don't confuse spanking with beating. I do think it's a quick fix and not always long term where a kid truly understands the consequences of their actions.

Ideally explaining why the behavior is not tolerable and giving a consequence for it happening again would be best. Then if the behavior happens again find whatever is an undesirable action to your kid (whether that be timeout, loss of something or removal from the situation in it's entirety) and follow through. As a teacher I have found over the years that being consistent and sticking with what the reasonable expectation is for the kid developmentally, are the most important no matter what way you decide to go.

I have always believed that kids should be scared of the natural consequence that their behavior brings on, rather then being scared of you physically hurting them. (ie- when you bite, no one wants to play with you, including mommy, and you can't participate in that activity because of it.)

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

At one stage with two arguing children I began using the oven timer to end things, whether a sharing problem or a time out. This mechanical solution worked better in their eyes than having mommy determine the end of things.

Later the oven timer was used for time spent on homework or music practice...but that was more complicated because there would always be interruptions like the door bell or the phone. But it did give them an idea how long 10-15 minutes lasted.

I very much approve of letting a child know WHY behavior is not satisfactory, but I am opposed to lengthy explanations and attempts at reasoning with a 2 year old or with any child who is not ready for explanations. With some children, the old question "How would you feel if someone did that to you?" works to get them to understand.

I also think that kids often misbehave because we have not been able to allow enough time or preparation between activities, have not had enough rest (both Mom and child!) or food or drink and so on. Our lives are filled with appointments and work (laundry, meal prep, etc) and car trips, so we can easily forget to include our little ones in the everyday stuff and find joy in small things with them. Basically I think kids want to please and be appreciated...like all of us.

The tough/funny game with kids is when they create mischief simply to test your responses. I find that game has lasted into adulthood with my two! :rolleyes:

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

Ivy is a 2 year old angel. She never does anything that would require discipline! (OK, I won’t lie).

Actually, Brooke sounds exactly like Ivy. We use the steps for time outs, and she has started going to the top of the steps and going down head first and playing on them. Then she tests us by coming off them and seeing if we notice. Obviously it works sometimes because she keeps trying it. I try to be consistent and take her back, but obviously sometimes we get busy. Sometimes we put her in her bedroom if she doesn’t stay in the steps.

I like the ideas of Kirsten’s post. I like the idea of positive discipline. I find that most of the time misbehaviour does come from lack of attention, so frequently it can be averted with snacks (if Ivy hasn’t eaten for a while), giving her a job, talking to her while doing something, or having her take part (setting the table, putting toys away).

Some people will laugh when I compare discipline in kids to training dogs, but I think it’s actually quite a good comparison. After having trained several dogs of completely different personalities, I think that, like dogs, kids have completely different personalities and that what works with one will not necessarily work for another.
1. One dog I had responded beautifully to empowerment and positive praise, but it took weeks to get his trust back if you physically tried to reprimand him, or even raised your voice angrily.
2. Another, you could practically suffocate him and it made no difference. He was going to do what he wanted anyway (chase a cat), no matter how consistent you were with the discipline. He didn’t even seem to notice positive praise (and he got tons – we tried everything with the help of a dog trainer and he ended up attacking me).
3. Another, the dog we have now, does best with a combination of positive praise and strict, consistent discipline. She thrives on the positives for training what you want, but a firm ‘no’ is not necessarily sufficient all the time (usually it is). If something is very important (i.e. dangerous situation, serious misbehaviour like walking in the road or growling at a child), one strict pounce and rollover does WAY BETTER than months of consistent reprimands for the naughty behaviour.

I see discipline very similarly with the little ones. Of course, we have to be aware of the age of the child and what they are receptive to. Ivy is at a stage where she understands that what she is doing is wrong, but she doesn’t understand exactly what she is doing. What I mean is that she knows that biting is wrong. She knows that she shouldn’t do it. But she thinks it’s funny and doesn’t realize how much it hurts. The same thing goes for hitting and kicking people with things, and often Leo is the recipient of hitting, pinching, and kicking. He had a terrible bruise on his arm from her biting him.

We tried for a time out with a quick explanation (you can’t kick people, it hurts). But it seems that it doesn’t register, because she comes right back and does it again – as if she’s testing that that’s really the reason. So she goes right back to the TO. And then she does just like Brooke and comes back and gently taps Leo with the toe of her shoe – just testing to see what the limits are. ARGH! And all this is really frustrating because when she starts she is playing nicely with Leo, and then she starts air kicking him 6 inches away and slowly gets closer. Even with a warning she still keeps getting closer until she actually does kick him… Joy.

I think a big part of it is that it’s external to herself and she hasn’t, yet, figured out that other people feel the bite she gives, and what that would feel like.She’s also figuring out moderation – how hard is too hard? For things like that, we’ve now started showing her how it feels. “Ivy, it’s not nice to pinch people. Pinching hurts. This is what it feels like when you get pinched.” Then we pinch her as hard as she pinched you (or Leo). Of course, she cries. “I know it hurts, that’s why we don’t pinch other people.” (Should I add that DSS has started biting Ivy’s arm gently so that it leaves tooth marks? That’s really helpful to the whole “don’t bite other people because it hurts thing. OY!)

One tactic that we’ve considered but haven’t figured out how to implement yet, is that when she does something like kicking Leo so she gets attention, that she doesn't get attentin, but Leo does (“are you OK? That must have hurt! Poor Leo” instead of Ivy getting the attention “Go for a Time out!”). If the behaviour is attention seeking, that should work… but as I said, we haven’t been able to consistently do that in a way that makes sense to us. This is partly because I think Leo is already playing up whenever Ivy gets closed to him, too, and we don't want to give him attention to encourage him to play it up!

We don’t like spanking or hitting, but when it comes down to just plain dangerous situations, Ivy has received a sharp slap in the pants or on the cheek. When we found her lying on top of a pillow on top of Leo, that was such a situation (as was the slap DSS got when he almost ran away from the grizzly bear).

And then there is the odd “parent loses it” situation that no one wants to admit to having. One evening at the fair, Ivy was just screaming senseless from being over tired, and she had been screaming senselessly for about an hour (she’d been out playing in the rain all day, refused a nap, and it was now 11pm). I’d tried everything I could think of (lying down with her, reading a book, giving her a snack, her water, her bunny, having DSS tuck her in, take her to the bathroom, leave her in the camper alone for a few minutes while sitting right outside). I was finally at wits end and gave her a quick light slap on the cheek (surprising myself and her). It worked. She stopped screaming and went to sleep within the minute. I wouldn’t recommend it, but at that particular moment it ended being fine, if not the only thing to do. The slap wasn’t hard (I still felt bad), but it got her to end the tantrum that she was no longer in control of.

rachelperry1983's picture
Joined: 04/13/07
Posts: 809

Off topic, Sarah I LOVE your new siggy pic!

AND I also love how we have all been able to talk about this subject with out it being a hot topic so far! I LOVE MY MAY MAMAS!!

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

There are some great tips here! It's neat to see how every family does something different, and how every child is different. I do think that Brooke, and every once in a while Addison, started hitting/pushing/etc... more was when 2 new 1 yo came into there old room at daycare. They obviously didn't get as much attention since they were 2 and 1yos need help with more things. Their teachers said that ALL of the kids started acting out more. So I think they may have been looking for attention. I also notice that when one of them is sick, the other one starts acting out more... because she wants/needs more attention.

I like the positive reinforcement idea that Kirsten posted. It's very similar to what Sarah said... a lot like training a dog. I will have to try to do that more and hopefully in the long run Brooke will stop hitting and testing the limits as much. Don't get me wrong, Addison does her fair share, but man on man nothing like Brooke does! She's lucky she's cute!!!!

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

"sarahsunshine" wrote:

...
One tactic that we’ve considered but haven’t figured out how to implement yet, is that when she does something like kicking Leo so she gets attention, that she doesn't get attentin, but Leo does (“are you OK? That must have hurt! Poor Leo” instead of Ivy getting the attention “Go for a Time out!”). If the behaviour is attention seeking, that should work… but as I said, we haven’t been able to consistently do that in a way that makes sense to us. This is partly because I think Leo is already playing up whenever Ivy gets closed to him, too, and we don't want to give him attention to encourage him to play it up!

I have tried this also. If Brooke hits (which it's usually her!), then I put her in a QUICK timeout or just remove her some the situation quickly, and then go to Addison to see how she is. But it's hard because I don't want to give Addison too much attention and make her think that the hit/push/etc... was worst then it really was. But I want to show Brooke that if she did this to get attention, that it didn't work.

Oh man, being a parent is SO hard!

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

"fudd8963" wrote:

I will have to try to do that more and hopefully in the long run Brooke will stop hitting and testing the limits as much.

LOL!!! I think it's a mistake to think they will stop testing limits. My brother an I STILL test my parents limits when we are around...

I think of it more as a progression of which limits they are testing as they determine the limits of the previous testing - which is simply a part of learning healthy boundaries. Part of the limits they are learning right now are how far that they can push you as parents!

Natural consequences are a very interesting thought for many things (instead of discipline). We try to use this mostly. For example, don't tell Ivy to put a raincoat or shoes on before she goes outside. She went out and got soaked, and now she almost always puts on a jacket before she goes without anyone telling her to.

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

"sarahsunshine" wrote:

LOL!!! I think it's a mistake to think they will stop testing limits. My brother an I STILL test my parents limits when we are around...

I think of it more as a progression of which limits they are testing as they determine the limits of the previous testing - which is simply a part of learning healthy boundaries. Part of the limits they are learning right now are how far that they can push you as parents!

Natural consequences are a very interesting thought for many things (instead of discipline). We try to use this mostly. For example, don't tell Ivy to put a raincoat or shoes on before she goes outside. She went out and got soaked, and now she almost always puts on a jacket before she goes without anyone telling her to.

But then there are kids that will happily and continually go outside with no shoes or coat on in below zero weather. Believe me, I have one of them. And will constantly tell you that they LIKE it cold, it's great etc. We've been stared at on countless occasions for having a child walking around in shorts in the winter (ie snow), because we hoped that he'd learn the natural consequences... trying not to be controlling etc. No such luck. He loves to be 'different' and have people notice him for whatever reason.

AARGH! Wink

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Kirsten-- we have one like that, too. Oy! Keeps us on our toes....

Joined: 01/11/05
Posts: 326

I should make an "I agree with Audra and Kirsten" smiley. I agree with them all of the time about a wide variety of subjects this included.

Joined: 09/05/08
Posts: 392

Haha me too! Sierra will wear jeans and long sleeves in the summer, and try to wear flip flops in the winter.

Just the other day me and my sister were telling her that it was pretty warm outside, she might want to put on some shorts, she said no. She was wearing her jeans and that's the way it was.

Sarah- with the biting back, I used that on Sierra. She only bit a couple of times and then stopped. Cooper I am just about at the point where I think I need to try that too.

He will go over to Sierra mostly, and bite her leg, arm, back. He also bites blankets, the couch, stuffies. There must be a reason I'm missing, it seems like none at all, but I think I know better Smile With me it's mostly hitting. If he doesn't want me to pick him up, if I tell him no, etc.

If you tell him no, that he can't have something, or if he picks up something that you ask him to put down, he runs away until he is caught, and then throws whatever it is away from him. Toys, food, etc. It's maddening. Then he screams like you're killing him.

Although....... give me a screaming 2 year old over a mouthy 11 year old any day Wink Cooper is much less frustrating to deal with at the moment than Sierra. I'm sure that will change(maybe soon?), but for now...

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

"kirsteng" wrote:

But then there are kids that will happily and continually go outside with no shoes or coat on in below zero weather. Believe me, I have one of them. And will constantly tell you that they LIKE it cold, it's great etc. We've been stared at on countless occasions for having a child walking around in shorts in the winter (ie snow), because we hoped that he'd learn the natural consequences... trying not to be controlling etc. No such luck. He loves to be 'different' and have people notice him for whatever reason.

AARGH! Wink

Oh yeah... and then they wind up in the emergency clinic at 10pm for frostbit on their ears.

Yep! I have one ov those too!

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

"buildingthedream" wrote:

If you tell him no, that he can't have something, or if he picks up something that you ask him to put down, he runs away until he is caught, and then throws whatever it is away from him. Toys, food, etc. It's maddening. Then he screams like you're killing him.

To bring it back to dog training, there are several dogs that play exactly the same game “I know I should be chewing your shoe, but I also know that as long as I have your shoe you will chase me and I LOVE that game.” What to do?

Don’t chase.

If this is why he is playing chase, then maybe try to include him in whatever you are doing. “Cooper, you can’t have a cookie, but can you help me fold the laundry?” I came home yesterday to DH showing Ivy how to fold shirts and put socks in pairs. If he runs away screaming, as long as he doesn’t get into trouble, let him. If it’s not getting him attention, maybe it will stop.

I mention this because Ivy was just HORRIBLE at screaming at us two weeks ago, because that's when she got atention, instead of when asking nicely. DH has been working diligently with her and the past couple days have just been heavenly. She must have asked about 10 times nicely last night without getting impatient (waiting for us to finish serving dinner and sit down). She never raised her voice, and she got some of everything for dinner. She even asked nicely “more corn please mommy”, and didn’t yell when I said “you can’t have any more corn until you finish everything on your plate.” Instead, she finished all the veggies, meat and potatoes, and then asked for more corn again, just as politely!

"buildingthedream" wrote:

Although....... give me a screaming 2 year old over a mouthy 11 year old any day Wink

Got one of each, thanks! I suppose a 12yo...

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

[QUOTE=sarahsunshine]
I mention this because Ivy was just HORRIBLE at screaming at us two weeks ago, because that's when she got atention, instead of when asking nicely. DH has been working diligently with her and the past couple days have just been heavenly. She must have asked about 10 times nicely last night without getting impatient (waiting for us to finish serving dinner and sit down). She never raised her voice, and she got some of everything for dinner. She even asked nicely “more corn please mommy”, and didn’t yell when I said “you can’t have any more corn until you finish everything on your plate.” Instead, she finished all the veggies, meat and potatoes, and then asked for more corn again, just as politely!

[QUOTE]

Wow, very impressive, Ivy!

We're still at the 'I'll-throw-it-in-your-eye-before-I-eat-another-bite-of-these-wretched-veggies' stage. 'Actually, no, I'll just throw it in your eye for the sheer fun of it!' Wink